This article was originally published in ASN Magazine.
I’m a cuckoldress and over the years some people have asked why I chose to be a cuckoldress instead of a hotwife. Those two are similar and sure there’s a lot of overlap but to me there is one big difference - cuckolding is all about her.
To me (and definitions seemingly evolve day to day and differ with who you ask) I see hotwifing as a couple in a loving relationship where he is monogamous to her and she is allowed (with his permission) to sleep with other men. Usually he decides or chooses who those men are, gets immensely turned on by her dates, and wants to be present or even join in on the activities. The rules, boundaries, and limits are usually decided by him or equally together. Outside of those encounters they have a robust sex life together that resembles the average regular relationship. There may be a little gentle teasing done in a flirtatious way with her husband but she enjoys having him involved in it all and they both love it that way.
Cuckolding can look very similar in that the basic set up is the same. He is monogamous to her and she is able to have sexual encounters with other men. However she decides who those men will be and she sets the rules, boundaries, and limits. Having said that though it’s not like she would ignore him if he had a safety concern or brush him off if he felt that something was going to damage their relationship - this is a real loving relationship after all. Although the husband also gets incredibly turned on by her dates with others, it’s up to her if he is going to be there with her or stay at home and hear all about it later. If he is in the room it’s uncommon that he would be joining in sexually as a threesome but if that’s what she wants then that’s what will happen. It’s likely she has some fun with teasing him - might be subtle or might be overt - and he loves it. She might make him wait for sex, like a kind of edge play with sexual denial, that heightens his attention to her. It’s intense.
I’ve found there are common characteristics of the husbands in both of these relationships: loyalty, honesty, and a need to have a deep connection with someone in order to want to have sex with them. They may start out in the default ‘open on both sides’ kind of non monogamous or swinger relationship but over time he finds he gravitates to his wife’s experiences with others. Sex with other women just isn’t fulfilling for him however thinking of his wife with another man is what sends waves of testosterone throughout his body and gives him the hardest erections and most intense orgasms of his life.
For many couples the shift from hotwifing to cuckolding happens in one unexpected moment. She makes a decision he has been accustomed to making himself. She takes control. She steps into her sexual power. Her confidence is somehow different. She carries herself with new sexual prowess; she knows what she wants. He’s in awe…
It’s the byproduct of a cuckolding relationship that’s often overlooked - the immense benefits women experience with sexual empowerment. It’s such a beautiful thing to witness.
You see...I’ve always said cuckolding is a gift you give each other where he gives her the gift of sexual experiences with others and she in turn, involves him in some way, but when you look a little deeper you’ll see that what he is giving her is the ULTIMATE gift: her own absolute sexual freedom. He gives her that gift with total trust and no strings attached. It’s a very risky thing for him and that’s why so many husbands aren’t willing to do something like that without attaching rules, boundaries, and limits to maintain their own sense of control. The usual concern is that she won’t have any need for him anymore if she gets great sex with others or she will lose respect for him….the list of worries goes on and on. But what they fail to understand, and what women have been saying all along, is that we don’t lose respect for you. We don’t lose interest in you. We LOVE YOU EVEN MORE. We realize the significance of the gift you have given and the strength and vulnerability it took you to give it to us and for that we are filled with gratitude. I’m talking level 1000 gratitude. Top shelf trust. Next level love returned to you.
I love cuckolding because it’s the kind of relationship where as a woman I can feel empowered to ask for what I want and get what I want. I don’t need to feel selfish, I don’t need to feel like it’s unfair, and I don’t feel bad for it. He is my biggest supporter and he not only loves me for my sexuality, he celebrates all of it, every day.
I want next level love and connection with my life partner, mind-blowing sexual experiences with others, and I want to write the script for what that looks like. And I will get it because I asked for it and because he gave me the ultimate gift with no strings attached.
Women really can have it all. Just ask for it.
Venus xo
