Cuckolding – get it right

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how cuckolding is portrayed online and the widespread misunderstandings about it so I’ve been giving some thought to what I feel is the most accurate definition of cuckolding and also of what I believe cuckolding definitely is not.

First of all, I realize this may be controversial to some but I believe cuckolding does not belong in a fetish list, BDSM page, or kink collection. Cuckolding is an actual relationship. Let me explain…

Cuckolding is a loving, long term, and committed relationship. It’s a consensual one-sided non monogamous relationship where both people give each other everything they need to feel fulfilled and trusted. It’s a beautiful relationship dynamic that is emotional, thrilling, and so wonderfully intense. It only works when it’s an real relationship – otherwise it is meaningless.

Having said all of that, this is what cuckolding is not: cuckolding is not some random guy asking a random woman if he can watch her fuck another guy. Cuckolding is not findoms who demand financial slavery from submissive men or use or abuse them to manipulate them – consensually or not, this is NOT cuckolding. Cuckolding is also not meeting up with a femdom ‘mistress’ for a night so the two of you can play out a cuckolding fantasy together.

Unfortunately the real meaning of cuckolding has been heavily distorted by the inaccurate portrayal in mainstream porn coupled with the femdom/findom women using the cuckoldress label for their own profit, and that’s really sad because that’s not what it’s about at all. I feel bad for the people who are just beginning to learn about cuckolding and are bombarded with these false narratives and it’s no wonder so many women are turned off by cuckolding when they happen to go online to try to learn about it.

Yes cuckolding is a broad spectrum with different aspects intertwined however from one end to the next, the foundation of it all is a real relationship between two people in love and that’s what makes it so special – even magical. So let’s get it straight: that’s the part that we all should celebrate , educate, and promote.

Venus xo

What’s next?

It’s been a few years since I sat down to write my first post on this blog, What the fuck is cuckolding? and I have been thinking a lot about what was going through my mind at that time and what was motivating me to write.

Several months earlier I had met a guy on tinder who introduced me to this kind of relationship and it was like a feeling of relief – I had finally found the kind of relationship that was meant for me. Finally! But what really struck me was that I didn’t even know it existed before. I knew I wanted something like that but I had no idea that I could actually have it. It had me wondering how many other women out there don’t know it exists either, and of those, how many like myself would really love it. So that is why I sat down and wrote – to let other women know, hey this might be of interest to you.

Fast forward three years and I’m wondering if I’ve been at all successful with that goal. My biggest reach is through my blog and my Twitter and through stats and polls I’ve learned that 95% to 97% of my readers are men, both single and attached. This is not exactly what I’ve been hoping for.

I’ve come to learn that women just are not online reading about these things and why I don’t know, but they just aren’t here. The men are online consuming the cuckolding jerk off material and a few are genuinely interested in learning about cuckolding relationships. This is why there is so much cuck porn on Twitter and used to be on Tumblr. That’s why when a cuckolding “chat” room opens up, it’s dominated by guys sharing pics of bulls and wives and cuckolding porn while the actual conversation rooms are quiet. This is why women are turned off by it all – the representation of cuckolding online is based in porn fantasy and not reality. Where is the legitimacy to this kind of relationship?

I get it – women and men are very different with what turns them on – and I think at times I’ve been guilty of feeding into the whole visual jerk off material that men want. For that reason I have deleted most of my media and don’t plan to post anything else like that.

So….what do I do next? I’ve written a lot on here over the years and I’ve spoken quite a bit on various podcasts about this kind of relationship, and perhaps that’s as good as it will get. It’s been an effort that I’ve managed to fit in outside of my full time normal job and full time family and life responsibilities. At times it’s been a lot of work and although I love it, I’m wondering if it’s worth continuing. Maybe despite my efforts, cuckolding relationships will remain hidden from women who could possibly love that kind of relationship and perhaps that’s just something I need to accept.

Venus xo

What makes a great bull

What makes the difference is a solid level of mutual respect despite fucking me like I’m a slut – he needs to love and respect me and my lifestyle and I have to care about him as one of my closest friends.

I was talking to a bull who I connected with recently about something that really got me thinking and inspired me to write. What is it that sets apart the good bulls from the really great bulls in this lifestyle?

People ask me all the time what I look for in a bull and I guess for the single cucks it’s just out of curiosity but for the couples I think there’s always this unending search to find a stable of the really great bulls and that’s not an easy task. The really great ones are few and far between.

For me I have a few things that are mandatory on the list like he has to be black (American black guys are my favourite), 9+inches and thick, and fuck like a champion, but what really makes the difference is the sexual chemistry and one more very important factor….I need to love his mind. I’m not alone in wanting that last one on the list. I’ve heard this from many cuckoldresses as well. What makes the difference is a solid level of mutual respect despite fucking me like I’m a slut – he needs to love and respect me and my lifestyle (all of it not just the cuckoldress part) and I have to care about him as one of my closest friends.

Sure sometimes I fuck a few new guys but the ones I keep around are the bulls who I consider to be my friends. I can talk to them about regular everyday things just as easily as getting into the most filthy of conversations about them blackfucking my pretty pussy or about me wanting their big black dick to slide down my throat, making my mascara run down. We can go months without seeing each other and there never be pressure or guilt about it, they know about each other and never have jealousy or possessiveness (actually they love it when I share pics and videos with them), and of course they love and respect how much I want and need cuckolding and BBC in my life.

There’s so much more to it than just physical attributes and liking to fuck and this is why I wish more women in this lifestyle would connect so that we can share our little black book of favourite bulls and therefore help celebrate the value of the really great bulls – they are priceless.

Venus xo

Humiliation

The flip side to this cuckolding psychology is that humiliation tells my cuck that I accept and love him for who he is. It validates the emotions that drive his sexuality. Excitement. Fear. Anxiety. Jealousy. Devotion. Shame. Anticipation. Why would I ever deny the man I love the feelings that make him feel complete sexually?

This beautiful post is written by my friend @BBCslutncuck and it’s a subject that I feel many women struggle with so share this one with all of the women in your life – it’s that important! – Venus xo

This isn’t the blog entry I promised to write, but it’s the issue most on my mind lately. Partly, that is because it’s important and yet it’s something I sometimes let slide because I can be selfish. It’s important to remind ourselves what matters. We are incredibly lucky. My cuck and I live exactly the life we want. We have beautiful children, rewarding professions, are madly in love, and are living exactly the sexual lifestyle we prefer. I am a cuckoldress, free to fuck, date, and pursue whomever I chose, and he worships me for that freedom. He desires it for me and I lap it up with abandon. As content as we are, we endeavor to grow in our chosen sexual lifestyle. We began non-consensual non-monogamy, after all, to explore our desires together. We’ve been swingers, we dabbled in hotwifing, and now, 20 years into a happy marriage, have found ourselves here: cuckoldress and cuckold, still learning, still growing.

I say all of this to start because the place we still feel we have the most room to grow is when it comes to cuckolding is humiliation. I’ll admit that this was, and still is, the hardest part of the lifestyle to realize for my partner. This is partially because for most of our lives we are taught to coddle the male ego. They are virile, strong, masculine. Their cocks satisfy us deeply. We lie and say we only have eyes for our man and other drivel that demeans the honesty of our loving relationships. It was also difficult because I love my husband and telling him that his penis is sad, or that it’s been years since I’ve even remotely thought of it as satisfying, seems like it’s hurtful (though I think all those things regularly, more on that later). It’s also hard because we are wired differently. While I’m a highly sexual person, it’s not always at the forefront of my mind. We all live at the intersections of our lives, mother, wife, co-worker, sister, daughter, coach, friend – for each of us that list is different, but it’s there and it means we are never JUST a cuckoldress – even if that is a huge part of who we are.

I know from conversations with other cuckoldresses that humiliation can be a struggle. And as I said above, I sometimes share that struggle. It’s important that we understand, cucks too, that this is a legitimate emotional hurdle for most women. Especially true for those of us that don’t identify as a domme. But, I’ve learned my struggles are rooted in the guilt engrained in managing fragile masculinity. Ironic, because I have ZERO guilt about being the slut I am, yet guilt can linger when I am trying to honestly express feelings that are both true and arousing to my cuck. What I now realize, the magic element, the one that truly unlocks all of sexuality, and indeed my best cuckoldress, is consent. To say it directly: the humiliation my cuck desires is consensual. He wants it. He needs it. And what’s more, he needs it from me – his friend, partner, lover. Consent is about trust, and that is the root of cuckolding.

Humiliation for my cuck invests in me the trust to be a truly open, loving, and free partner. Conversely, it tells him that he is free to accept his desire to be a cuck and embrace all that it has to offer him.

My cuck is trusting me with the freedom to enjoy the full breadth of my sexuality. He trusts me to explore my attractions to other men without guilt or hesitation. It also allows me to share my most honest feelings about our relationship. I don’t have to pretend I am satisfied by him sexually, which allows us to grow and explore forms of intimacy that are ultimately more honest and fulfilling. Especially when I know they are feelings that excite him, there is never need lie to ourselves. It’s an incredible freedom to tell him, in a loving way, that he will never be my primary sexual partner ever again. It’s a fact. We are stronger for sharing it.

The flip side to this cuckolding psychology is that humiliation tells my cuck that I accept and love him for who he is. It validates the emotions that drive his sexuality. Excitement. Fear. Anxiety. Jealousy. Devotion. Shame. Anticipation. Why would I ever deny the man I love the feelings that make him feel complete sexually? I’m afforded the same freedom in my life, even if the cocktail of emotions I feel are completely different. Anyone who has ever feared sharing a fantasy with a partner knows the power it gives someone over you. A glimpse into the hidden and dark corners of what makes you, you. It’s scary, sure, but when you are accepted and heard, it’s thrilling, and it completes you. The bond with that person is stronger for the sharing. It was when I realized that he needs to feel those emotions and loves me for them that it clicked: humiliation isn’t what’s hurtful – denying my cuck the same freedom to enjoy what he enjoys is.

In our cuckold marriage humiliation both is and is becoming a mutual and loving part of our lives. It doesn’t happen all at once. What a cuckoldress and a cuck get from this lifestyle are different, but they are mutually reinforcing. I’m not writing about how to humiliate your cuck. There are plenty of other blogs with amazing ideas for accomplishing that. What I’m hoping to convey is that the resistance to humiliate is a normal reservation that most of us have, or have had. You aren’t doing it wrong if you struggle. You aren’t a bad partner. If you’re listening, growing together, exploring, failing, trying again, learning something new – we call that being in a relationship.

10 lessons learned from a cuckoldress


Expect to have the best sex of your life. Enjoy feeling empowered and revel in your new found confidence and sexual prowess. Meow.

Venus

I’m such a huge fan of Dan Savage and his column ‘Savage Love’ and I’ve said many times that it’s because of his column that I’m who I am today so when I heard he was going to do a live show in Vancouver last weekend I gathered up my girlfriends for a fun night out.

He was taking questions from the audience and I and was lucky enough to have him answer one of mine “What advice would you give a single cuckoldress looking for a single cuck for a long term relationship?” His answer was totally on point and I realized, hey I already know all of that! It got me thinking…I really have learned a lot over the past 4 years in this lifestyle and if only back then I knew what I know now. Shit.

So here I am reflecting on all of the lessons I’ve learned and I’m sharing them so that other women might be able to learn from my experiences.

  1. A cuckolding relationship between two people who love each other in a committed long term relationship is mind-blowing, incredible, unique, complex and truly addictive. Once you’ve experienced it, it’s impossible to go back to any other kind of relationship. Expect to be hooked. This can be a blessing and a curse because it’s very hard to find.
  2. There are some really great people to meet in this lifestyle and from all over the world. New friends await and they are absolute gems.
  3. As a woman in this lifestyle, expect to have the best sex of your life. Enjoy feeling empowered and revel in your new found confidence and sexual prowess. Meow.
  4. Finding a good bull is not that easy. Finding guys to fuck is fucking whatever – they are everywhere – but finding a guy who you have that sexual chemistry with and who really appreciates and understands the role of a bull….that’s uncommon. Take your time and get recommendations from other women in the lifestyle. Sharing is caring.
  5. Be careful. There are crazy people out there – stalkers galore – so use caution and common sense when dealing with people you don’t know.
  6. Long distance relationships are difficult but probably inevitable if you’re trying to find someone to date. You’re going to have to look in other cities and consider relocating or finding someone to relocate to you. Be honest right in the beginning about what you’re looking for. It will save you from wasting time on the wrong person.
  7. Dating in this lifestyle is fucking brutal for both women and men. Expect to wade through the sea of shit that is online dating including the money hungry gold-digger women and the guys who just want to jerk off and flake out to the idea of you. Be prepared to be lied to – a lot – but try not to get pessimistic about it. Just get smarter about weeding out the idiots. They all seem to give off the same subtle hints when they are full of shit, you just get better at spotting them.
  8. Cuck fear is real and it will fuck things up. The shame/fear that some guys feel will make them flake out no matter how interested they seem or how badly they want this kind of relationship. Some would rather be alone in the cuck closet forever than face their fear and live the life that makes them feel fulfilled and true to themselves. Be prepared to be let down when you least expect it. It happens. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.
  9. There are three types of “single”guys in this lifestyle: married guys pretending to be single, single guys who just use it to consume porn and fantasies for jerk off material but who have no real intention of finding a relationship, and single guys who are genuinely looking for a cuckoldress to share their life with and who care about the lifestyle. Find out which one you’re dealing with.
  10. Don’t give up. Trust me it can be hard and I’ve given up many times but always came back to it because it’s who you are, what makes you happy, and what is meant for you. Take a break if you have to. Even if your heart hurts and you’re tired, lean on your friends and keep going. Beautiful things await. Don’t give up.

P.S. Black guys fuck better. Just saying.

P.P.S. Check out my latest podcast interview with the Casual Swingers Podcast: Cuck you! Exploring the world of cuckolds & hotwives with Cuckoldress Venus

Venus xo

The culture of men

For any woman that’s ever dared venture into the world of online dating the reality is they’re going to find quickly that there’s a serious problem with manhood today. This goes well beyond men being rude, inarticulate, aggressive, toxically masculine.

This post is written by my friend @UsefulBetaCuck on Twitter. It’s thought provoking, reflective, controversial, and in my opinion right on point.

Venus xo


In many ways, for all its value, the world would be better if the internet didn’t exist. For all we’ve gained from it look at what it’s cost us.

@UsefulBetaCuck

For any woman that’s ever dared venture into the world of online dating the reality is they’re going to find quickly that there’s a serious problem with manhood today. This goes well beyond men being rude, inarticulate, aggressive, toxically masculine. It’ll also cross the spectrum of their sexual identity; be they dominant, submissive, a bull, a cuck, whatever, the problem is universal.

If I could change one thing it would be the culture of men in general. A good portion of my thinking exists in the “old world” and those old souls among us feel like voices crying in the wilderness. Just leaving cuckolding aside for a minute, I value what I’ve made of myself as a man. If you met me, at least superficially, you would never guess that you were talking to a sexual submissive. I’m hard working, articulate, well read, well kept, in shape, active and even “alpha” in my community and work life.

But then I look around and what I see is little boys walking in grown men’s bodies. (And it’s not just the younger generation, millennials are simply products of their environment. So enough about millennials being the problem.) It’s really a problem of my generation and the one before me. It’s like they lost any semblance of reality. First sign of pain and they quit. First sign a woman is her own autonomous being and will not take their shit and they abandon. And I’m talking in the real world, online it’s simply set in overdrive.

In many ways, for all its value, the world would be better if the internet didn’t exist. For all we’ve gained from it look at what it’s cost us. For women it should be obvious, the price they’ve paid is the loss of their men. (If you want to test this, take away your man’s smart phone and see how he behaves. Does he suck it up or does he throw a tantrum?) And how do you box and sell manhood? You don’t. It’s the social mores of real masculinity in the culture that we’ve lost. The pessimistic side of me says we’ll never get it back, at least not with the current stock of men raising the next generation.

Now combine all this with a submissive male that’s addicted to porn and to jerking off and sees nothing more in a real life woman than another tool to achieve his next orgasm. It’s likely as high as 95% of all so-called cucks online who fall into this category. They want you to be a means to an end and not the end itself. This is where the problem and solution lies.

Women, there’s little chance your men will do this on their own but you have to require, to demand nothing less than your man actually be a man. No matter who he is, if he loves you he’ll know you are not just some insignificant object through which he vicariously gets off. This is one reason considering being a cuckoldress is such an empowering option. You make the rules, you set boundaries and you will be respected by a partner who’s not just a cuck, but a man.

Fuck him

For so long I had zero interest in pegging guys. I think in a way I thought there wouldn’t really be anything in it for me and I’m so selfish sexually that the thought of it being his sexual experience and not mine…well it turned me the fuck off. Little did I know I would soon love it.

Before I get into this post about my new-found love of pegging, let me begin by saying that I’ve just done a short follow up interview for the KinkyCast Podcast for their 5 year anniversary episode. Turns out, the interview I did with them previously was their most listened to episode – yay! Here’s the link to it: https://kinkycast.com/archive/2019-archive/261—five-year-anniversary.html

Also I’m happy to share a new article for the Spades Magazine. Here is the complete story of how I became a Queen of Spades: http://spadesmag.com/2019/02/the-beginning-for-a-qos-cuckoldress/

Lastly in case you missed the link in my previous post, here’s the article I wrote for Simplysxy about what it takes to be a cuckoldress: http://simplysxy.com/articles/2018/12/20/what-it-takes-to-be-a-cuckoldress/

Now onto the really exciting news about pegging…

For so long I had zero interest in pegging guys and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out exactly why. I think in a way I thought there wouldn’t really be anything in it for me and I’m so selfish sexually that the thought of it being his sexual experience and not mine…well it turned me the fuck off. So for ages I wanted nothing to do with it.

Then last summer I went out with a young cuck friend. We went for dinner and then to watch a football game (holy fuck the players are hotness) and after a few drinks we went back to his apartment. I had him locked in chastity as usual and he showed me the harness and attachment that he had just bought. Maybe it was the drinks mixed with curiosity, I don’t know, but I ended up trying it on and telling him I wanted to fuck his ass.

What happened next is hard to put into words. I want to say I was overcome with the power and control that came with being in that position, but really it was so much more than simply that. Something in me just took over and knew exactly what to do, say, push, and overpower him. I was at times gentle and sweet and other times strong and unforgiving, and the whole thing was incredible. It was a rush I had never had before – ever!

The next day I was just in amazement of how much I actually loved pegging. I wondered though, was it the alcohol? Was is the hot black football players I watched at the game that night that made me so excited? I wasn’t sure but I did know that I wanted to do it again.

Fast forward a couple months and I had a harness of my own (thanks to a friend of mine) and a small list of two more young white cuck friends who wanted me to pop their virgin ass cherry. I must admit I was a little nervous planning the second time around. This time I was totally sober and had everything planned beforehand so I wondered if I would love it the way I did the first time. Well well well….let me tell you… it was even better!!

So it’s official now I totally have a new-found love of pegging, and I’m really glad that I ended up going for it. For all of the women out there who are feeling like they hate the idea, take it from me, it’s really worth giving it a try!

Venus xo

The challenge of cuckold consistency

How do you finally “break” a cuck husband for good? Get him to fully commit, all in? I go back and forth in cuckolding with mine. I’ll have him very submissive for long periods on time but occasionally he kind of revolts and rebels and we have to work back into a “sub” place.— the716hotwife (@the716Hotwife) January 5, 2019

This was the post I read on Twitter that really caught my attention. I love these honest and real relationship questions being addressed in this lifestyle so I invited her to write more about that comment here on my blog. The following is what she had to say:

Venus xo

To start with a bit of background, my husband and I have been married 17 years and started exploring “open” dynamics about 4 years ago. After exploring a few different dynamics, we found that cuckolding is the most comfortable , appropriate and natural dynamic between us. It’s so obvious to see and feel that our relationship is best harmonized when I am confidently in my place as Dominant Cuckoldress and he is in his place as my submissive cuckold bitch. In this mode, everything feels in sync. We are both more content and less stressed. We are both kinder and more patient parents to our young children. We are both more productive in life and work. And of course, we are both getting our natural sexual needs fulfilled. Me enjoying intense and dirty nights with my Bull and him indulging in his filthy and degrading submissive desires.

But, unfortunately, these times of synchronicity don’t last. The chaos of life with children is relentless and the demands of work always press on and in this whirlwind of life we both drift and from our natural roles of Cuckoldress and cuck and slip into that dark, dreary and humdrum cliché of American married life. Pretty much unconnected and asexual. A place neither of wants to be but for which we both take responsibility.

It seems the more intense of our period of cuckolding, the more we withdraw from each other when it breaks. Like a boxing match where after the round we retreat to our separate corners to recuperate – me taking a deep breath and my husband taking stock in his masculinity.

My goal is to commit to this lifestyle all-in and 100%. I feel confident and secure in the fact that my cuck is my absolute and rightful property and that my sexuality is all mine to exploit and enjoy. It’s so clear to us that this is all natural and beautiful. But maintaining consistency is our challenge.

How do we go from “on and off” to “forever and always?” From enticing to absolution? How do we take this to the next level? Is it merely all about me being more strict and severe with chastity, discipline, and humiliation? Or is there something else we’re missing?

I’d like to hear about how couples have made this transition from dabbling with cuckolding to committing to cuckolding.

@the716Hotwife

Twitter: https://twitter.com/the716Hotwife 

Tumblr: http://the716hotwife.tumblr.com 

New York City

New York City was everything I ever dreamed it would be and I fell in love with this vibrant, beautiful, incredible place.

I just got back from a week in New York City. It was amazing – my first time there – and I totally fell in love with that city! The beautiful architecture and the way the buildings contrast each other and fit together like pieces of a puzzle, the energy of the city with the traffic, the people, and the nighlife, and the food – yummmm! Oh and the shopping!! I splurged and bought myself a pair of black Christian Louboutin heels as a Christmas gift to myself – something I’ve always wanted to do. Trust me, they are sexy as fuck and worth every penny!

One of my best girlfriends joined me on the trip and together we set out on adventures in the beautiful big city. Honestly her and I were just so overwhelmed to be in NYC that there were times we actually cried. For me, New York has always been a bucket list city for me. I’ve felt drawn to it for some reason so to be there for New Year’s Eve surrounded by people I care about meant the world to me. Just thinking about it makes me emotional.

I came home feeling optimistic that 2019 will be a year full of great things to come and my goal is to work towards getting exactly what I want in my life and not feeling selfish about that. I’m grateful for my friends who love me and support me and want to see me succeed. I don’t know what I would do without you – thank you.

Venus xo

A fantasy…

The idea of fucking my boyfriend/husband’s boss or his friends really turns me on. For me, I feel like it’s the ultimate humiliation and therefore the ultimate enjoyment for both of us.

Picture in your mind, his boss is also his roommate. And his boss also happens to be a dominant black man who loves being a bull, and loves bossing around my boyfriend.

Now imagine the day I meet this tall hot black roommate boss of his, and he notices my Queen of Spades tattoo on my ankle….mmmm… His eyes light up…he looks at me…and looks at my boyfriend, and says “Oh wow looks like I’ve stumbled upon the perfect situation here! My boyfriend looks at me and says “Whatever you want baby you know I love you”. I smile and feel that flutter of excitement inside me.

The boss begins texting me; the conversation is explicit and hot as fuck. I love telling my boyfriend all about it and showing him which photos I’ve sent to his boss and describing his reaction to them. Both of us love it…it’s overwhelmingly hot…it’s something intimate we share together and bonds us even closer than before. It amplifies our love for each other to a whole other level.

Fuck, just writing this turns me on!!

Is this purely a fantasy that I’ve created in my imagination or have I experienced this situation in for real? Hmmmm I’m not going to say. It’s far more fun to just to wonder!

Venus xo

By the way I recently wrote a piece for simplysxy.com called ‘What it takes to be a cuckoldress’ Here’s the link if you would like to have a look: http://simplysxy.com/articles/2018/12/20/what-it-takes-to-be-a-cuckoldress/

The power of a bull

Black men turn me the fuck on. There’s so much about them that whips me into a frenzy – their beautiful dark skin, smooth confidence, and the big dick energy that goes with it. When I’m around them I’m like a fucking cat in heat! But what really gets me is the unspoken power that they have over me and over cucks as well.

Over the years I’ve come to really appreciate a bull who understands what it is to really be a true bull – someone who respects all of the roles within this kind of relationship dynamic and really loves the power that comes with it. There are lots of guys out there who are willing to take on the role of a bull to get some pussy but few who really adopt that role as a part of who they are. I love a bull who knows how to say and do the right things to both me and to a cuck and not just in the bedroom. That shit turns me on like crazy!

Recently came across a new bull (who was recommended to me by a woman I met) and he gave me some insight into to his thoughts about this. The following is what he had to say:

“I’m a 28 year old bull who has been in the lifestyle for about 7 years but I have indeed been a bull for 28 years. It was the lifestyle that labelled my natural dominance, sexually and otherwise. My point is, just because you’re a black man or have a black dick, does not make you a bull – it’s a mindset, an unspoken confidence, or a swag if you will.  In my opinion it’s something you’re born with and if not and you try to pose, people will see right through you. 

Cucks take notice: I will be dominant with you. I will be firm with you. You will know the pecking order. And that’s okay. It’s who you are to be naturally submissive. Embrace it. And after you bust the nut just know I don’t and won’t stop being a dominant bull. It’s who I am, and I embrace it. 

So many cucks use black men and white women as jack off material – stop! You are not serious about the lifestyle and above that it’s offensive. A real bull will never just settle for being jack off material. A real bull has a need to exert his dominance toward the cuck outside of sex.”

I really love what he says about it being something that you’re born with. I also think that similarly women in this lifestyle are either born to be a cuckoldress or not and men are either born wired to be a cuck or not. Personally I don’t think it’s something that you can just try on. For me I knew I wanted this even before I knew it was even a possibility.  I can understand how that would be true for a bull as well.

True bulls are hard to come by and I imagine nearly all of the cuckoldresses have a little black book with a list of their favourite bulls – I know I do!

Venus xo

Women are the key to cuckolding

How do I get my wife into this? That’s the million dollar question. I believe that the key to women being receptive to considering a cuckolding kind of relationship dynamic, lies with women talking to each other about it.

I recently spent some time in an online cuckold chat room and noticed some interesting things that got me thinking. The first was that I was the only woman on there and the second was a question that kept being brought up by the husbands/boyfriends was “How do I get my wife into this?”.

There was advice and suggestions being given out and the husbands would go through the list of strategies that they would say either hasn’t worked or that they didn’t think would work with their wife, most of which included them talking to her and trying to convince her to try flirting and sleeping with other guys.

Now for those of you who know a little about me you understand that it didn’t take any convincing for me to jump right in as soon as my boyfriend brought it up, so it’s hard for me to wrap my head around why a woman would hesitate when given this opportunity.  I tried hard to imagine what it was like for the wives/girlfriends out there whose husbands/boyfriends repeatedly try to approach the subject with them and it didn’t take long for me to assume that they would likely begin to feel annoyed, skeptical of their motives, or even hurt or offended by it.

The problem I think is that the pressure is coming from the men when really the conversation would be better received if it came from her friend – a woman who she trusts. I really do believe that the key to women embracing this kind of relationship or at least viewing it as a legitimate option, lies with women talking to each other about it.

As for how to connect women who are open minded enough to understand this lifestyle with women whose husbands need help, I don’t know the answer to that. I do believe however that all of the women who love this lifestyle need to start the discussions that need to take place. We need to help each other navigate the learning curve of this beautiful relationship dynamic. Write a blog, participate in chats, connect with women, talk to your open minded friends, whatever – let’s just support each other, because that’s what girlfriends are for.

Venus xo

5 reasons why women should love cuckolding

A cuckold relationship is a beautiful and amazing dynamic and there are so many reasons why women should love and appreciate it. Here are the top 5.

  1. Next level love

It can be hard to imagine love on a whole other level but believe me when I say this kind of relationship is intoxicating, magical, and intense far beyond what you could ever cultivate in a vanilla relationship.

2. female sexual empowerment

Many women say cuckolding has increased their confidence level, sexual prowess, and ability to ask for exactly what they want. They feel more confident with their bodies and their sex appeal.

3. Trust

Initially it may be hard to believe but trust grows and flourishes in this kind of dynamic but cuckolding actually makes the trust stronger between both of you especially over time.

4. excitement

Let’s face it, all vanilla relationships get boring at some point. But with all of the sexual adventures and intimate moments found in this kind of dynamic it’s just not likely to lose the excitement. In fact over time it’s probably going to get even more fun.

5. Your happiness is his happiness

This is pretty much all about you. You are the center of his universe and he will do anything to keep you happy and that makes you love him even more. He has no interest in sex with other women and he just loves focusing entirely on you and your sexual adventures.

Venus xo

The separation between sex and love

What kind of woman is suited for the cuckoldress lifestyle? Aside from a high sex drive and sexual confidence, how does a woman have to think about sex and confidence to make this kind of relationship work? She needs to draw a line in the sand when it comes to sex and love.

First off let me say that I just got some mind blowing black dick and I’m feeling pretty on top of the world right now so I guess it’s making feel inspired to write.

One of the things I have thought a lot about is what exactly makes a woman right for this kind of lifestyle. Like who is this lifestyle best suited for?Besides having an above average sexual appetite and sense of sexual confidence, I feel like a woman needs to be really good at separating sex from love.

What I mean by that is most women automatically attach sex and love in their mind;  they feel like the emotions involved with sex translate into the feelings of love for the person. I’ve seen women struggle with this when it comes to trying non-monogamy because eventually things get complicated when someone catches feelings.

For me, I first began to really  see the line between sex and love when I was spending time in the swingers community. I realized that you could have a solid loving relationship and that sex with others is exactly just that – sex with others. It allowed me to look deeper into the idea of sex being something separate from love and the more I thought about it that way, the more I gave myself permission to really go for my fantasies and my desires.

It’s allowed me to  fully embrace cuckolding relationships knowing that I can have a beautiful loving and trusting relationship with my life partner and also have the most mind blowing sex with other men.

My cuck will have my heart and black men will have my body. I’m not saying that my cuck wouldn’t ever have intimate sexual experiences with me, I’m just saying that no one else would have my heart – just him.  He can feel assured that this kind of relationship dynamic is exactly suited to me and that I need and want him just as much as I need and want BBC.

Venus xo

Cuck fear

I’ve  been wanting to write about this for quite some time now; cuck fear. It’s real . It’s overwhelming. It paralyzes.

I’ve talked to hundreds of cucks over the past three years and I’ve noticed that the biggest fear most of them have is the risk of anyone find out about their cuck side. Aside from that I’ve noticed that they are also afraid that their wife/girlfriend will fall in love with a bull and leave them. Both of these are legitimate fears and I can totally understand why these would be a major area of concern but when it comes to the need for discretion and privacy, I have a few things to say about that.

I want cucks to stop worrying so much about people finding out. So many of them say they want everything to appear “normal” to everyone else and the cuckolding part be something “behind closed doors”.  When I ask why they all say things like it’s embarrassing for guys to be viewed as a cuck, they think they’ll lose their job or their friends, they will basically  lose respect from people who they care about. I totally get it – no one wants to go through that however I think the reality is actually much different from the fear.

I don’t necessarily want people to know everything about my personal life but I don’t want to live in fear of people finding out about who I am and I do not want to feel ashamed about who I am and my relationship dynamic. I am proud of who I am, how I’ve grown, how I know what I want, and most of all I’m passionate about cuckolding relationships. I’ve lived it and experienced it for the beautiful, incredible, and magical love that it is. Why would I be ashamed of that?

Sure guys might feel embarrassed about it and they tell me it’s different for guys because they face more backlash from people because guys are supposed to be the opposite of a cuckold – that’s society’s expectation of them. Yeah I understand that but really I think women get the brunt of the judgment from ignorant people. Slut shaming is everywhere and it’s relentless.  For a lot of women there’s nothing worse than being regarded as a slut or a whore.

What lots of cucks don’t realize is that open relationships are “out there” and accepted more than ever right now. Whether it be couples who swing, polyamorous couples, or one sided open relationships like cuckolding, people are way more open about it now than ever  before.  Just go on Tinder and see how many people are open about it on their profiles. Happy couples being open about who they are and it’s all okay – it’s a beautiful thing. Sure people don’t understand cuckolding yet but why can’t we just explain that it’s an open relationship and we are happy and in love and people just need to accept that. Is that really so bad? Is that really so scary? I don’t think so.

I think by hiding in the cuck closet with the door firmly locked, we are making things worse. My hope is that people learn more about this relationship dynamic and ultimately understand it better and perhaps society will one day accept it as something that certainly is “outside of the box” but still a legitimately loving relationship where both people are happy and fulfilled.

What really  needs to happen is cucks needs to take some risks and just be proud of who they are. Baby steps and we will get there…

 

Venus xo

Fuck me

I’m going to see someone soon….someone who drives me fucking wild. I have no other way of saying it – he turns me on so much I almost lose my mind.

He’s a professional athlete so I fly out every so often to wherever he is playing. It’s not often enough though.  I would have him a lot more if I could but my busy life doesn’t always let me get away when I want to. FML.

We have some unique chemistry. He knows me so well. In fact it was shortly after we first met that I got my first Queen of  Spades tattoo (now I have three). He has the perfect balance of respecting me but still pushes my boundaries in a way that makes me feel comfortable with it. That kind of trust is not easy to find. I definitely want him to be one of the 5 on my wedding night.

He’s tall, hot as fuck, beautiful inside and out, and he fucks me like a champion every single time, but most of all it’s the way he talks to me. He has this deep voice and he has that smooth confidence and style that makes me wet with just a few words. And even when we’re just texting I get so caught up in it all that I find myself closing my eyes, tilting my head back and just completely getting lost in it all.  The things we talk about….so hot and so dirty….oh god….okay this is all very distracting now. Concentrate!

He sends me pics of him and I literally can’t handle how hot they make me. His big black dick gives me this deep overwhelming feeling that just takes over my whole body. I can’t think straight. I just stare. Mesmerized. What was I talking about again? Mmmmm.

When we see each other it’s….well you can imagine the heat.  On the way back from the airport he bent me over the back of his car in the parking lot. We just couldn’t wait to get inside his apartment. He lays me back, slides that big dick down my throat as my eyes water,my mascara runs, and I take it. I take it all. And I love it.

So now I count down the days until our next encounter. This time I’m bringing my girlfriend. I’ve shared him with her before and that was one of the best nights of my life so I’m excited to make some more memories like that.

Now what to wear….I need some new lingerie….some new sexy heels. Time to get a pedicure, my nails and hair done, my body waxed… It’s almost go time.

Venus xo

Checking in – from fans to stalkers

From fans to stalkers – It’s been an “interesting” few weeks.

To answer the obvious questions: yes I’m writing here, and no I haven’t returned to the cuck lifestyle.  I’ve missed writing and I wanted to talk a little about what the past few weeks have been like.  Let me tell you it’s been “interesting” to say the least.

First I want to say a very sincere thank you to the many people who sent me messages of encouragement, understanding, and support. I wasn’t able to respond to most of them however I want you to know that I really appreciated what you had to say and it meant a lot to me.

Unfortunately I’ve also been dealing with an anonymous harassing/stalker type lately….sigh. At first I thought maybe this person was a little intelligent by the way he sent me a fake email which was fishing for my personal information (he was successful in getting my google number) but after that the smarts ended and the stupid became obvious. Since then he has texted me trying to pretend he is someone I met last summer. I smelled bullshit right away, laughed at him, and promptly told him to go fuck himself. Then the fucktard called me while trying to fake a woman’s voice and accuse me of trying to steal “her” husband. This last one was especially hilarious and I nearly died laughing before hanging up. I have no idea why this person is trying all of this but if this fucking loser thinks I’m afraid of being exposed or something….little does he know…..haha!!

Another peculiar thing that has happened recently is the interest from some of my black guys. Once they heard  I’ve given up on finding a cuck, some have told me they want to actually date me. I’m not sure that’s a road I want to go down right now but it’s interesting nonetheless.

So while I may not be writing about cuckolding as much as I did in the past, one of my friends said to me today I can always write about my Queen of Spades adventures because that always continues for me. Although the past month I’ve been very busy with work, BBC, and preparing for an upcoming move, I’m also planning on getting a much needed touch up done on one of my QoS tattoos so I will post another update when I can.

Peace

Venus xo

Reaching the end

The last three years in this lifestyle have been intense and beautiful and also disappointing. I have been blessed with some incredible mind-blowing experiences and met some truly amazing people and for that I’m grateful.

Having said that though, I think a person can only take so much of the dishonesty of some people and I’ve reached that point now. So I’m taking a break from it all and I don’t know if I will come back to it or not but for now I need to step away.

For all of the women who may be reading this, please don’t let this discourage you. This kind of relationship has the potential to be everything you can imagine it would be, I just wish you more luck than I have had and please beware of the the liars and manipulators out there. They are everywhere and they can be very sneaky and they can waste your time and even break your heart so don’t let your guard down and always trust your gut feelings about someone.

Venus xo

Money is a bitch

Findommes are a real pain in my ass. No really…the money hungry gold digging bitches lingering around this lifestyle are the main reason why so many  men distrust women and I wish this problem didn’t exist.

Thanks to the internet all of us are searching online for our soulmates in the cuck lifestyle and this can be a tricky and sometimes very shady place. Let’s face it, there are some creeps out there (I’ve met more than my fair share of them) so you have to be careful. There are online profiles which are fake or misleading (soooo many) and some people who lure you into trusting them so that they can extort you or blackmail you. Yeah that’s some fucked up shit!

But by far the biggest reason cucks don’t trust women like me is because so  many women are out there looking to use guys for their  money. Some are upfront about it, claiming to be into financial domination and looking for paypigs (guys who feel submissive by giving money to greedy women), and other women are sneaky bitches about it by lying and manipulating men into giving them money. Women are literally making a living off of these men and they are everywhere online.

It’s no wonder so many guys I talk to don’t want to trust me in the beginning. Many of them have had encounters with these women before and it has left them nervous about future encounters and I can understand that but I wish this wasn’t such a common obstacle because it makes it really hard to get to know someone when the trust isn’t there from day 1 – and we all know how important trust is in this kind of relationship!

For the record I am not one of these gold digging bitches. Yes I do love to be treated well but I want my man to treat me that way because he genuinely wants to and not because I demand it from him. I would take offense to be labelled as a findomme as this is so far from who I actually am and anyone who says it about me simply does not know me at all.

So I’m putting it out there to all of the single cucks: not all of us are after your money. You can trust me on that.

 

Venus xo

Cuckold Porn is Garbage

A few years ago when I was introduced to cuckolding by a new boyfriend I was lucky enough to not have watched any cuck porn prior to that. I say lucky because I think the vast majority of cuck porn out there is fucking garbage.

Still to this day I haven’t found any cuck porn that I like very much so I just mainly stick to interracial BBC content and at least that satisfies my Queen of Spades needs. It got me wondering though…why is cuck porn so awful? Why have porn companies done such a bad job with this one category?

Cuckolding (in my mind) is a complex emotional dynamic between two people who are in love and in a deeply committed relationship, and it’s nearly impossible to be able to translate that emotional exchange from the screen to the viewer using mainstream  porn.

Sure you can have the husband watching his wife get pounded by another man, but how boring is that for the viewer? So producers try to spice it up with the femdom aspect and use it to humiliate the husband overtly and cruelly – this story line dominates the cuckold videos online and that’s fine for those who love it but I think it misses the mark.

Then there are the many amateur videos online to kind of fill that void I guess and yes there are some fairly good ones out there but I haven’t found any that I really love either. I think the realness of the scene is appreciated by the viewers but still is missing something in the translation to the person watching who is trying to imagine being there, a part of it.

Then there are the cuckolding memes that dominate Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, and all sorts of other places. These I’m sure are all made by guys who want to convey and share their desires and fantasies in this kind of lifestyle and I think it’s these memes that more accurately describe cuckolding than porn videos.  It’s usually just an image and a small piece of narrative attached to it but it’s powerful and triggers thoughts in motion, deep desires, and massive arousal.  Pretty much every  cuck who I’ve talked to has a little collection of favourites.  Funny enough someone once stole one of my Fetlife photos and made a meme with it and posted it somewhere and I didn’t know whether to be pissed off about it or flattered – seriously just ask permission first guys!

Anyways I’m always hoping that more women will come to understand and appreciate this kind of relationship and unfortunately I think cuckold porn isn’t helping with that. In fact I think it’s a deterrent.

 

Venus xo