Unraveling the cuck shame spiral – with Dr David Ley

Have you struggled with the cuckolding fantasies and thoughts that you have? Have you felt like you don’t have control over them? Do you feel “addicted” to cuckold porn or cuckolding fantasy sites? This episode could quite possibly be the most important thing you’ll listen to!

Dr. David Ley sits down with Venus to explore why so many men seem to fall into the cuck shame spiral, the reasons behind it, and steps they can take begin to turn it around.

Watch the trailer for the episode:

Full episode:

David Ley is a clinical psychologist, sex therapist and author, based in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He’s the author of several books and research articles on sexuality, including his first book, Insatiable Wives – Women who Stray and the Men Who Love Them, which was the first book to examine the cuckolding and hotwife phenomenon. With Justin Lehmiller and Dan Savage, he published the first psychological study of the cuckold fantasy. Dr. Ley is a frequent guest in media around the world, with appearances in the New York Times, CNN and Time Magazine, as well as Hustler and Playboy magazines.

Dr. David J. Ley

Books by Dr. David Ley:
Insatiable Wives
The Myth of Sex Addiction 

[Guest Post] Wired to Compete – How standard Western Masculinity Factors Into Cuckolding Issues

When looking at the cuckolding dynamic from different perspectives, a topic often brought up is the aspect of humiliation. The word humiliation carries all sorts of connotations, mostly negative. When we focus on the end state, shame, we are skipping to the end of a very human dynamic, that of competition. 

Humans, and especially men, are wired to compete. Competition is baked into a male from early in life, especially in the United States. Society raises boys to compete in sports, academics,  and even video games. Gambling is a form of competition. Venus mentioned on a recent podcast episode that cuckolding dynamics are most common in the United States. And that makes sense because the competition is a core value of America. 

And at the end of the day, as much as compersion is a driving factor in the lifestyle, it often pales in comparison to the sheer intensity of feeling the fight or flight trigger of having another man fuck your partner. 

So why does this trigger men

Especially American men? The inherent challenge to someone’s manhood in 2021 and beyond is increasingly difficult for adult men to recapture. The challenge triggers a fight or flight feeling that sports and other outlets used to supply.  As much as sex is about intimacy and communication for women, there are genuine parallels to men’s athletics. But for the average, or even above average male, their athletic career ends in High School or, at best, college.  

The old ABC sports motto, “The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat,” captures the emotional stakes for so many men.  And this goes for both “Bull” and “Cuck.”  The Bull competes on safe ground, using an attached woman to recapture his glory days by reveling in his apparent physical superiority. 

The cuckoldress glories

in the empowerment of having her cake and eating it too, knowing, on some level, she is the ultimate decider of who wins and who loses. She revels in the sheer physicality of her bull, knowing she can play the sexual game with him on a level that her partner cannot match. She gets to live in that rarified air of a kind of sex many other women only dream about.

The kind of sex women often think they had to give up in order to find the stability and emotional support of a reliable life partner. Guys who can fuck like her bull are harder to pin down, perhaps she chased that unicorn for years when younger only to feel like she had to sacrifice either stability or multiple orgasms. Venus speaks powerfully on why it is so enticing to women to have it all, even if it’s not all delivered by one single man. 

For the cuckold, he navigates the high wire emotions of immense stakes and has the emotional fortitude to endure the agony of defeat. This feeling of thrill and agony flips on its head when the bull leaves. The girlfriend returns to her partner, giving him the ultimate prize, the final victory. He may have lost the battle, but he’s won the war. 

About the author:

Will Acorn has lived the complex dynamics of the lifestyle for most of his sexual life. Will has been married to a Queen of Spades for 25 years. His life growing up as an elite athlete in a major inner city gave him a unique insight into the dynamics around this lifestyle from his teens. Acorn is a student of history, societies and cultures and is a strong proponent of Venus’ mission to empower women to take back their sexuality while improving communication, acceptance and understanding about the deeply fascinating aspects of non-monogamy.

Will Acorn on Twitter: https://twitter.com/acorn_will

[Guest Post] Being a mom in a cuckolding lifestyle

My husband and I decided right from the start of our journey into this cuckolding lifestyle that discretion and privacy would be paramount. Family and being a busy mom comes first. That doesn’t mean I don’t want an exciting naughty sex life as well as all that cuckolding has to offer us both, however it does mean that I have to be mindful to manage that somewhat more complicated piece of keeping this part of my life separate from the others. I’m a psychologist in my day job and I think having sex positive discussions with kids especially during the teenage years sets them up for more success as they enter adulthood. Good safe sex is important for us as humans and teaching our kids how to develop in to mature healthy sexual beings is part of parenthood.

Having said that, just as I don’t need to know all about their future sexual endeavors they don’t need to know all about mine either. Sharing age appropriate lessons and mistakes is important, and answering their questions is important, however telling them everything (at least until they are MUCH older) is not okay right now. For example, when I dress up for a date with a bull I’m going to tell them I’m heading out with a girlfriend for dinner and adult time. I might head to the car with my butt plug in, but wait to add my sexiest heels once I’ve left the house, and I’m not going to say “I’m actually skipping dinner, heading straight to this hard bodied guy’s house so that we can fuck for hours, and I’ll be home later so that your dad can reconnect with me by cleaning up my very well used pussy.”

Timing is important. Most of the bulls I’ve enjoyed over the years have been professional type men with busy day jobs. They have however typically been in positions where they can quite easily take time away from work to play during daytime hours. I’ve enjoyed many dates after getting kids to school. Visiting my husband at work after a playful morning to show him just how “full” I am is quite naughty and always gets me off. Daytime isn’t always ideal for everyone though. For those in the cuckold lifestyle you know that reconnecting with your primary man after being with your bull is extremely important. Making all that work with jobs during a limited window of time is challenging.

We’ve scheduled date nights once a month. Sometimes more if I’ve got a new lover who’s body I just can’t hold back exploring. With COVID precautions though, that has been far too long ago! We tell our kids we are going on a date, we both dress up, and it seems like a very normal married couple date night. I love sexy lingerie on my body and I make sure to let my husband see exactly what my bull is going to enjoy before him when I pull my dress off. We leave the house together – after that however date night takes on a less traditional route. My husband will drop me off at a local hotel we frequent often. It’s got a sophisticated sexy vibe. I meet my bull in the bar for a drink. Sometimes my husband doesn’t even know which bull(s) I’m meeting. I like to keep him guessing. The power dynamic is important here. He knows once he drops me off it is about my pleasure. It isn’t leaving him out – quite the opposite. He knows I’m going to have a really good time and he gets huge sexual satisfaction from that waiting.

Once I’ve left the bar to head upstairs I let him know he can come in and wait inside the lobby. Rarely I’ve had him come in sooner to have him watch me flirt and build up the sexual energy with my lover. That however fits more with a hotwife dynamic as opposed to cuckolding. I prefer him to trust that I know how to flirt and that I’m focused on connecting with my bull. It’s about my pleasure at this stage not about putting on a show for him. There is something about walking in to a nice sexy hotel room with your lover knowing you are going to be having dirty erotic sex that just turns me on so much. I’m usually soaking wet before I even get off the elevator. I love my husband more than anyone but at this point in the date I’m focused on my bull and my sexual pleasure.

I love a hard fit man. I love a big cock. I love a man with stamina. I love a man who knows how to fuck. How to fuck me hard. My bull and I will usually enjoy a good few hours of sex with laughing and conversation breaks in between sessions. I genuinely love sucking my bull off. Having my face fucked is amazing. I enjoy the naughtiness of having my ass fucked. My favourite hands down is DP or DV. My best experiences have been with a bull I’ve really built a strong long term connection with who’s got the sexiest of roommates. The two of them know exactly how to fuck me. That dirty, sweaty, I just can’t take more of it, fully pleasured type of sex. In that moment I’m not a mom or wife. I’m a woman who is enjoying herself more than I thought possible. It’s about me (and my lovers – I’m not selfish far from it haha).

Once my bull has left I let my husband know he can come upstairs to join me. This part of the date is my favourite. When he walks into a room that smells of sex, pillows, sheets, my clothes thrown about, hand prints on the windows, wet spots on the couch, and me looking very satisfied. The lust in his eyes is amazing but it’s more than just lust – it’s love. Love for me, for me to experience all that a sexual being can experience, and love that I can be independent and in control of my body and mind. And in return I love him more than anyone I’ve ever loved. Because he is a cuckold, the best way I can show him that love is to sit back on the love seat, spread my legs apart, and have him on his knees as he cleans me up. I hold his hands. I hold his head. We reconnect together. I don’t deny him (well sometimes I do if we are playing that game).

Usually by this point we realize the time is way later than expected. We madly shower, rush to clean up, try to look less umm like we’ve just been fucking, jump in the car and rush home. Kids are usually in bed but still awake, lunches still need to be made for the next day, laundry needs to be to throw in, and dishes need to be unloaded from the dishwasher – real life mom stuff. Done by a mom who loves her kids, her husband, and her life. Her very full life. All of it. Especially the part that stays private.

About the author

Aaron & Simone are a couple who have been transitioning into a cuckold lifestyle over the last 10 years. They are in their 40’s, have a busy family and busy jobs, and busy life, and they keep this fun kink discrete. They are a physician and psychologist who love to communicate and share with others. They’ve learned a lot over the years and want to share whatever they can to help others.

Catch Venus on Full Swap Radio

It’s official! The Venus Cuckoldress Podcast is now on Full Swap Radio every Tuesday at 5pm Central Time (6pm Easter, 3pm Pacific), and again at 11pm Central Time.

I’m really excited about this because it’s a great place to listen to a variety of interesting and thought-provoking people and a great way to learn new things.

Here’s a little blurb about Full Swap Radio: Full Swap Radio is a station dedicated to the adult alternative lifestyles/ sex positive shows. We pride ourselves on having shows that cover nearly all different aspects of “the Lifestyle“.

So spend some time with me each Tuesday afternoon/evening on Full Swap Radio – listen here.

Venus xo

Interracial Cuckolding – a sequel with TheBlackBull100

In my episode 6, Interracial Cuckolding, I read a quote from my friend about what goes through the mind of guys when they see their woman’s eyes wander to the hot black guy who just walked into the room – and judging from the overwhelming feedback I received from that quote it’s most guys feeling that way – I wanted to know what it’s like to be that hot black guy who walks into the room. Does he notice? How does that make him feel? So this episode I ask TheBlackBull100 exactly that.

It’s a glimpse into the life of a tall black bull in a sea of beautiful white married women who seek them out, some with Queen of Spades tattoos, and all whose husbands encourage them. It’s sexy, hot as fuck, and sooo interesting!

TheBlackBull100 on Twitter – https://twitter.com/theblackbull100

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