The art of the tease

This post was originally published in ASN Lifestyle Magazine

People often ask me what kind of cuckolding scenario I prefer: him in the room watching, him listening, or him hearing about it from me when I get home. Although all of those scenarios are really sexy and fun, there is one that stands out from the rest – him hearing about it later. I feel like many women and men can relate to how sexy that is. There’s something about it that is just so incredibly hot: the tease. 

She goes into detail about her encounter and he’s listening so very carefully to every word she says. He notices how the look on her face changes when she tells him about a certain part of the night. It sends massive amounts of testosterone throughout his body as he is picturing her beautiful body being taken by another man. He’s highly aroused, focused, and wanting her badly. His body is aching for her. She sees the way he is reacting to her story and she can’t help but embrace the position she is in. She realizes her power to influence his reaction solely with her words, with her tone, and with her body language. Hmmm this could be a fun game.

People often link cuckolding relationships with the idea of harmful cruel humiliation and for the most part want nothing to do with it, and hey I can understand that. But the reality is, most loving cuckolding relationships that I’ve come across don’t have any overt humiliation. For most of the couples I’ve spoken to it’s more of a fun game of sexy teasing which is received in a playful and caring way. Just like other fun bedroom games, teasing (even just the scenario above) is a way to keep things fun and interesting – as long as both people enjoy it. 

It’s common for women to struggle with the idea of teasing their partner sexually. Safety is a big reason, both personal safety and safety of the relationship. They are very concerned about it possibly making their partner feel bad about themselves or it damaging the relationship. The key is communication. There needs to be a discussion around this. If he gets turned on by her teasing him, he needs to explain that it’s not damaging for him, that it instead is a turn on for him and he enjoys it. He needs to tell her exactly what kind of teasing he likes. It could be size comparison, stamina difference, sexual styles etc. She needs to trust that he won’t react badly or weaponize it against her and that if ever it becomes too much, they will be able to talk about it together. It takes time and practice for women to begin to enjoy teasing their partner in a loving way – I mean sometimes it’s years until she feels comfortable with it. It takes a certain amount of sexual assertiveness to learn the art of the tease and for many women that doesn’t come naturally. 

There are great little ways to introduce teasing in a loving relationship. Some of my favorites are sending him screenshots of your conversations with your bull or sending him photos or videos of your encounters. Sending him these while he is busy at work is especially fun because he will have to hide his excitement from everyone around him and he will be thinking about it all day long. Sending a quick little voice clip of you talking about one of your favorite bull encounters detailing why it was so different from your partner would also be really fun. And of course just like above, talking to him all about your experience once you come home is so thrilling. 

To enjoy all of it she needs to enjoy seeing the reaction it has on him. She needs to love seeing him turned on in that way and when you think of it, if teasing him is what he really wants, then you can feel good about it knowing that you are helping fulfill your partner’s sexual needs – and no matter what kind of relationship it is, that’s important!

Contrary to what most mainstream porn portrays, many cuckolding relationships are loving committed couples who like to play a little with sexual teasing. It’s not cruel. It’s not damaging. It’s fun and sexy and I encourage everyone to approach teasing/humiliation with an open mind. Who knows…you might end up learning to love it! 

Venus xo