Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how cuckolding is portrayed online and the widespread misunderstandings about it so I’ve been giving some thought to what I feel is the most accurate definition of cuckolding and also of what I believe cuckolding definitely is not.
First of all, I realize this may be controversial to some but I believe cuckolding does not belong in a fetish list, BDSM page, or kink collection. Cuckolding is an actual relationship. Let me explain…
Cuckolding is a loving, long term, and committed relationship. It’s a consensual one-sided non monogamous relationship where both people give each other everything they need to feel fulfilled and trusted. It’s a beautiful relationship dynamic that is emotional, thrilling, and so wonderfully intense. It only works when it’s an real relationship – otherwise it is meaningless.
Having said all of that, this is what cuckolding is not: cuckolding is not some random guy asking a random woman if he can watch her fuck another guy. Cuckolding is not findoms who demand financial slavery from submissive men or use or abuse them to manipulate them – consensually or not, this is NOT cuckolding. Cuckolding is also not meeting up with a femdom ‘mistress’ for a night so the two of you can play out a cuckolding fantasy together.
Unfortunately the real meaning of cuckolding has been heavily distorted by the inaccurate portrayal in mainstream porn coupled with the femdom/findom women using the cuckoldress label for their own profit, and that’s really sad because that’s not what it’s about at all. I feel bad for the people who are just beginning to learn about cuckolding and are bombarded with these false narratives and it’s no wonder so many women are turned off by cuckolding when they happen to go online to try to learn about it.
Yes cuckolding is a broad spectrum with different aspects intertwined however from one end to the next, the foundation of it all is a real relationship between two people in love and that’s what makes it so special – even magical. So let’s get it straight: that’s the part that we all should celebrate , educate, and promote.
Findommes are a real pain in my ass. No really…the money hungry gold digging bitches lingering around this lifestyle are the main reason why so many men distrust women and I wish this problem didn’t exist.
Thanks to the internet all of us are searching online for our soulmates in the cuck lifestyle and this can be a tricky and sometimes very shady place. Let’s face it, there are some creeps out there (I’ve met more than my fair share of them) so you have to be careful. There are online profiles which are fake or misleading (soooo many) and some people who lure you into trusting them so that they can extort you or blackmail you. Yeah that’s some fucked up shit!
But by far the biggest reason cucks don’t trust women like me is because so many women are out there looking to use guys for their money. Some are upfront about it, claiming to be into financial domination and looking for paypigs (guys who feel submissive by giving money to greedy women), and other women are sneaky bitches about it by lying and manipulating men into giving them money. Women are literally making a living off of these men and they are everywhere online.
It’s no wonder so many guys I talk to don’t want to trust me in the beginning. Many of them have had encounters with these women before and it has left them nervous about future encounters and I can understand that but I wish this wasn’t such a common obstacle because it makes it really hard to get to know someone when the trust isn’t there from day 1 – and we all know how important trust is in this kind of relationship!
For the record I am not one of these gold digging bitches. Yes I do love to be treated well but I want my man to treat me that way because he genuinely wants to and not because I demand it from him. I would take offense to be labelled as a findomme as this is so far from who I actually am and anyone who says it about me simply does not know me at all.
So I’m putting it out there to all of the single cucks: not all of us are after your money. You can trust me on that.
For all of you single cucks out there – this post is for you.
Here are a few little tips and wise words of advice for you to learn how to approach me and how to behave around me. I say ‘me’ because I have no idea what other single cuckoldresses want or prefer so for now, this really is just about me. Of course this is a continuation to my expectations in How to catch a Goddess so definitely take notes on that one too.
- I need to be attracted to the person I want to spend the rest of my life with so please at least attach a photo or description of yourself when you introduce yourself. I also need to know a little about you and not just that you’re into cuckolding – you know…normal stuff you’d want someone to know about you.
- If for whatever reason I decide to politely tell you I’m not interested in you (or I’ve repeatedly ignored you) please do not respond with a multitude of questions asking me why and get offended or start arguing with me. This is just going to piss me off.
- I’m not your jerk-off material. Do not get so whipped up into a frenzy with all of the cuckolding chat that you forget about the relationship part. This happens all too often. Do not ask me for pictures and videos. I used to share them but I have since learned that it’s not helpful to try to build relationships when guys just depend on me for it every day.
- Don’t make bullshit promises. Do not tell me that you’re willing to move to Canada if you haven’t even looked into the process. It’s not easy at all and you should know that already.
- Don’t start off by asking if you can watch me fuck a black guy or if you can do clean up afterwards. Really I can’t believe how many guys say this to me right off the bat. If that’s one of the first things you say to me then I will tell you to fuck off. It’s an actual relationship I’m after, not just fulfilling some sort of cuckold fantasy.
- Spell correctly and use proper grammar. If you send me something like “Your such a beautiful women” I’m going to assume you didn’t finish high school. Go read some books or something.
- Telling me that you want to buy me lingerie so that I can wear it for black guys is not going to get me excited. While I appreciate the offer (and I have received a shit load of offers), this is not so much a gift for me as it is a gift for yourself so you can jerk off to the thought of it. How about you find out what it is that I truly need or want and do it just because you want to make me happy?
- DO NOT SEND ME YOUR UGLY WHITE DICK PICS – fucking gross. I shouldn’t even need to say this.
- Just be yourself. You don’t need to lie about your situation or your identity. This kind of relationship is hugely built on trust and lying to me, even about something small, right in the beginning is not going to sit well with me. If you’re worried about discretion that’s fine, I understand that, but you need to trust me for me to trust you. If you’re married or in a relationship then tell me – don’t make up bullshit stories.
- Be prepared to do your homework, talk on the phone, and meet in person. I’m not interested in pen pals or endless texting so if it seems like things are not moving forward then I’m not going to continue chatting forever. Also, I’ve made a point of trying to list my answers to a lot of your questions here on my blog so that I don’t have to spend hours and hours answering them over and over individually so please do your homework and read up before asking me. In my post Everything else you’ve wanted to know I’ve answered the following questions:
What do your friends think about you being a cuckoldress?
What kinds of things do you make your cuck do?
What is it about cuckolding that makes you like it?
How did you get into cuckolding?
How public do you want your lifestyle?
Do you want to marry your cuck?
Do you want your cuck to participate sexually with you and your bull?
Are you into forced bi or ass play for your cuck?
What was the reaction of the tattoo artist when you got your queen of spades tattoo?
How long ago did you get into black guys?
Why not just date a black guy if that’s what you like so much?
Do you like BBC bareback and do you want to get pregnant?
Is there such a thing as too big?
Do women naturally become more cruel and selfish and men more submissive and eager to please?
Recently I read my very first blog post ‘what the fuck is cuckolding’ which I wrote almost 2 years ago and what stood out for me was where I spoke about humiliation. At that time, while starting out my adventures in cuckolding, I felt interested in the humiliation aspect of cuckolding but only as long as I didn’t feel overtly cruel about it. I also wasn’t interested in male chastity at the time. I basically understood nothing about what its purpose was.
Fast forward two years and I’ve evolved into a cuckoldress who loves dishing out humiliation and is addicted to keyholding. I’ve become more self centered, less patient, and more demanding with what I want. This seemingly effortless transition got me wondering….is this a common natural progression for all cuckoldresses?
Do women become more selfish and cruel and therefore the men become more submissive and eager to please? Sure it depends if it’s actually cuckolding we’re talking about rather than just hotwifing, but I suspect that this is the trend that naturally happens over time. I should mention that I haven’t really done much research at all about cuckolding. I haven’t read any other blogs or talked with other cuckoldresses so I basically have only my own experiences to go by and that leaves me wondering about what it’s like for other women like me.
I think that for women who were born for this kind of relationship, they enjoy the attention, sexual superiority and empowerment that this lifestyle gives them. It gives her permission to set the bar high and insist that he exceed it for her. And for men who are hardwired to be a cuck, the trust and commitment in this kind of relationship allows them to feel safe to submit to her and to want to live their own sex life strictly through hers. It’s a beautiful gift and the key to all of this working is of course love and trust.
So what do you think? Is there any truth in this? I welcome your comments.
Hear the Venus story on podcast – cuckolding, Queen of Spades, BBC
A few weeks ago I was interviewed for a podcast on the subject of cuckolding. Today it aired on www.kinkycast.com
Here it is:
Turns out that episode was the most listened to episode in KinkyCast history so here’s the follow up episode with another short interview with Venus:
More episodes on more podcasts!
The most common question I receive from cucks who want to date me is “What kind of cuck relationship do you want?”. It seems like an obvious first question given the wide spectrum of practices and preferences within this type of relationship, and you’d think it would be easy to answer, but I’ve found my answers have changed and evolved as I’ve learned more and more about cuckolding dynamics. I’ve had to examine how I feel about various relationship compositions, roles, and expectations in order to figure out what I like and what I don’t like. Often times as with everything else in this lifestyle, I have to try something in order to see if I feel comfortable with it.
I suspect the most common cuck relationship is where the monogamous husband is sexually denied (sometimes or most of the time) while his non-monogamous wife sleeps with whoever she wants, usually strangers. The wife is not expected to develop feelings for her bulls – it’s simply a sexual experience for her. Usually the cuck is present when she is with her bulls and he may or may not be directly involved in the action in some way. While this kind of relationship is continually exciting, there are safety issues when meeting with only strangers all the time.
Another variation I’ve come across is where the wife has one bull whom she has a romantic relationship with as well as a sexual bond. She has a relationship with her cuck husband as well, but he’s there to give her emotional support, love, comfort, companionship, and financial stability. Often the cuck in this type of relationship wants the bull to live in the same house with them and the wife has the benefit of having two stable, loving, long term relationships.
As a cuckoldress, I have to decide what kind of relationship I want as well as what kind of humiliating things I want to practice on my cuck. With so many options and variations it can be a bit daunting at first to figure it all out.
I have had some experience with both types of cuck relationships and I feel comfortable with both scenarios. The first one is the easiest to maintain as you’re only dealing with a relationship dynamic between the husband and wife. The second scenario can be much more complicated. It starts to grow into a polyamorous type of relationship and with that comes all sorts of challenges. Each person has their own set of individual needs that need to be met on an ongoing basis and insecurities and miscommunication can lead to a breakdown and ultimately a collapse of the relationship. It’s not easy but if done correctly it can be very rewarding.
I get so excited when I hear about cuck couples who are succeeding and thriving with their relationship – whichever composition that might be – and I’d love to hear what has worked for you and why. Let me know! Leave a comment here or on my facebook page or twitter page. Thanks!