[Guest Post] Past as Prologue

This is our first guest post from Will Acorn! If you’re interested in writing for the Venus Cuckoldress blog, you can find the guidelines here.

Healthy Communication with Your Partner About Their Past 

For my first guest post I want to talk to partnered men who are curious about how to start the conversation with your wife. Venus and her podcast guests have talked many times about the importance of communication in this lifestyle, especially at the beginning. Venus has talked about the angst that some can feel heading down this road. I would humbly suggest that the best way to start talking about a future in cuckolding is to gently open up communication about the past.  

Maybe you haven’t quite discussed all of your fantasies yet, and perhaps you worry she’ll judge you for thinking about what she experienced before you. Maybe you want to know how you compare. All of that is entirely normal for a couple, and women know it. It’s a hard conversation to start but crucial to setting the stage for exciting possibilities as a couple. If your partner is a keeper, she knows herself and her likes, but she may not know for sure you can handle the whole truth.  

On this website, you see the power of an emboldened, unabashed and unapologetic woman on full display. Venus speaks truth to power when she boldly declares her love of the cuckolding dynamic. As part of her story, she has shared her journey to that world. 

All Experience Is Good Experience

Women are cautious with what they divulge and their sexual history, preferences, and kinks for a good reason. Centuries of patriarchal societies have forced women to adapt to the default expectation of the deferential virgin bride. Historically our culture has instilled a set of perverse incentives and mixed messages on both women and men. 

Women are taught to cater to the fragile male ego, which can be exhausting. But realistically, women have the same inherent drivers to have fulfilling sex lives as men do. 

And quite frankly, a woman who knows what she likes and needs is a much better partner. However, for a woman to fully understand what she needs, she must have experience. All experience is good experience. Experience means your partner has learned herself, what works and what doesn’t. She can help you pleasure her in ways that inexperienced women simply can’t. Sometimes it’s as simple as a subtle cue to move just so, or a signal to stay right there, go a little faster, or a little more forcefully. And yes, sometimes you’ll find that she needs it a little deeper too, and that’s OK. 

It’s More Common Than You Think 

Again, consider how much pressure women feel to cater to the male ego and to tell him things that keep his spirits up. A demoralized lover is a lousy lover, so there is nothing nefarious about a woman downplaying other experiences she’s had. 

Virtually every woman has been with a guy who lacked confidence in bed and could not handle anything but encouragement. These men missed the opportunity to get to know their partner on a deeper level. They also missed a chance to improve. 

But just as most women have had a lousy lay, she’s probably had a fantastic one as well. If she captured your attention and devotion, then most likely, she caught the idea of someone in the past who possessed the skillsets and assets to rock her world. That is a GOOD thing! 

Venus is open about her history with and preference for black men. The internet in 2021 has made it very easy to think that interracial sex is rare while also implying only certain women date black men. Both of these notions are incorrect. Depending on where you live and your social circle’s demographics, a woman dating interracially is widespread. 

In the southern US, centuries of society add weight to the taboo. Still, women everywhere are likely far more open to the idea than you think. 

Your partner is not immune to all the factors that attract women to black men. She may not volunteer that information. She likely thinks that most men cannot handle that kind of information by default. Or she thinks it’s such a loaded topic that she would have to tread very carefully into that conversation. You want to be the guy she feels she can be totally open with and not feel weird telling her most intimate thoughts and feelings. 

Statistically, up to 52% of Millennials report having dated interracially. This is not some dark corner of the internet. In fact, you may want to ask yourself if you would like to date a person who wasn’t at least open to dating interracially in 2021. 

Yes, She Enjoyed It, And That’s OK 

So hopefully, she had one guy, black or not, blow her mind in bed. I promise she doesn’t view that as an attack on your manhood. Most likely, she considers it like a superb restaurant she ate at in the past. The menu was full of delectable items, and every visit was memorable. 

Or perhaps she thinks about it like a fantastic vacation where she could be the most relaxed and adventurous version of herself, even if temporarily. 

Regardless of how she views these experiences, they made her the woman you love. Life is a collection of experiences, and it’s OK to look fondly back on the good ones. 

It Doesn’t Mean She Thinks About It… Much 

As these topics slowly come up, most women will be cautious. Even if they admit to having had fantastic experiences, their instinct to protect your ego will push them to assure you that they don’t miss this. 

Outside of masturbation, most women are very good at putting their past in the rearview. Women are generally better than men at focusing on the delicious possibilities they have in their future.  

And this is a challenge for you. Every journey begins with a single step. For a couple considering this lifestyle, the first step should be acceptance and mutual understanding. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. So be patient, make your partner comfortable with sharing all of who she is and how she became the woman you love. 

When she feels totally accepted for all of her adventures and preferences, she will likely be much more comfortable talking about her fantasies and yours. From that foundation of understanding, you can begin to talk about the possibilities for a future together. Discuss ways to borrow from past experiences to form a more perfect union. 

About the author:

Will Acorn has lived the complex dynamics of the lifestyle for most of his sexual life. Will has been married to a Queen of Spades for 25 years. His life growing up as an elite athlete in a major inner city gave him a unique insight into the dynamics around this lifestyle from his teens. Acorn is a student of history, societies and cultures and is a strong proponent of Venus’ mission to empower women to take back their sexuality while improving communication, acceptance and understanding about the deeply fascinating aspects of non-monogamy.

Will Acorn on Twitter: https://twitter.com/acorn_will

Your cuckolding questions answered

“I wish every wannabe cuck knew that 98% of what you think cuckolding is is bullshit. What you see an read online and in mainstream porn is a total lie. Be prepared to throw out all of that garbage and learn that cuckolding = a relationship. It’s love, not a fetish, fantasy, or just jerk off material.”

Venus

So recently I asked my readers what they would like to ask me about cuckolding relationships and I received so many responses. Here are most of them:

Q. I’m interested in learning about the early days. What go you into cuckolding? Who convinced who to try it and how?

A. The second post I ever wrote on this blog discussed who and how I got into cuckolding. I had a profile on Tinder in 2015 that explained how I didn’t want monogamy. I matched with a guy who obviously liked that part of me. Shortly after that he slowly started explaining cuckolding to me. I immediately loved it. I never hesitated or looked back. Here’s the full story: https://venuscuckoldress.com/diving-head-first-into-cuckolding/

Q. What do you think is the most misunderstood part of cuckolding?

A. So many things… I think the biggest misunderstanding is that it’s some kind of weird kinky fetish. It’s not. It’s a real relationship which isn’t that different from any other kind of non-monogamous relationship. Also people assume that a cuck is some kind of pathetic loser, and that’s bullshit. To be a cuck in a relationship like this requires emotional strength like no other and there is always love and respect no matter what kind of humiliation is dished out.

Q. What’s the one thing you wish every wannabe cuckold knew?

A. Good question. I wish every wannabe cuck knew that 98% of what you think cuckolding is is bullshit. What you see an read online and in mainstream porn is a total lie. Be prepared to throw out all of that garbage and learn that cuckolding = a relationship. It’s love, not a fetish, fantasy, or just jerk off material.

Q. How does the reality of cuckolding differ from the fantasy?

A. I think the easiest way to explain it is to look at the difference between sex in porn and sex in reality. The fantasy of cuckolding relationship most likely is all about the visual acts or scenarios, the play by play of each scene, the typical cuck portrayals etc. whereas the reality is so emotionally complex, subtle, intense, creative, and beautiful. Additionally cuckolding is an actual relationship with all of the normal things that couples do – it’s not cuckolding all of the time. We still do the things that everyone else does, friends, family functions, parenting, grocery shopping.

Q. When dating do you find different cucks bring out different aspects of your personality or do you have the same general approach no matter what? Example alpha cucks vs beta cucks.

A. I think I do adjust somewhat to the guy depending on his personality. Chemistry between two people is unique to each combination so I would find it difficult to have the same approach to every person.

Q. Are you physically attracted to cucks?

A. Yes absolutely.

Q. Would you ever be with more than one cuck?

A. My initial answer is no, I only ever want one cuck, however you never know I guess.

Q. Is it possible that a cuck can have more than one cuckoldress? Have you ever shared your cuck with other cuckoldresses? Or would you?

A. Personally I don’t think so. The basic foundation of a cuck relationship is that he is totally committed and faithful to her. Just the thought of my cuck with any other woman or even a cuckoldress really pisses me off. I would never allow it.

Q. Would you ever date a bull?

A. I think it would be really hard for me to date a bull without also having a cuck relationship. I need both to be happy and fulfilled.

Q. Would you ever have a live-in bull?

A. It’s not out of the question for me but I think it could be really complicated. It would take three people who would be very comfortable with that dynamic. I’ve written a bit before about this kind of scenario: https://venuscuckoldress.com/to-love-your-bull-or-not/

Q. What would you do if you got pregnant with a bull?

A. I’m not having any more children so no that’s not happening.

Q. What are some of your rituals to reconnect with your cuck after being with your bull?

A. Clean up is my favourite. Time spent together to talk, cuddle, and sleep together. Sharing photos and videos is also fun.

Q. Have you converted any of your friends to cuckolding or being a Queen of Spades?

A. None of my girlfriends are very interested in cuckolding. They know all about it from me but it’s just not something that’s for them. They all are into open relationships (they all are very open minded) and one prefers dating black guys. I wrote about here in this post https://venuscuckoldress.com/queen-of-spades/

Q. What are the best ways a cuck can impress you?

A. Great question! I’ve actually written an entire post about how a cuck can impress me. Here it is https://venuscuckoldress.com/how-to-catch-a-goddess/

Q. What are the best ways a bull can impress you?

A. I love this question as well! I usually like bulls who are younger, athletic, black, and large (9’+), who are always respectful and open minded toward my lifestyle, and who value friendship, connection, and creating incredible sexual chemistry. Being pushy, rude, or failing to learn about what I like is sure to turn me off.

Q. How do you manage the sexual needs of bulls if you are juggling more than one?

A. I always have more than one. I don’t have a lot of free time to see them and they are patient and understanding about that. They are free to fuck whoever else they want to whenever they want so I have never felt any kind of pressure from them.

Q. How do you deal with jealousy in a cuck relationship?

A. I have zero tolerance for negative jealousy or him feeling possessive or insecure. Those things turn me off and are difficult to get past. Cuck angst is fine – that’s normal and fun to work through together, but jealousy really sucks.

Q. Can you ever go back? Lol

A. Back to a vanilla relationship? No. I would never be comfortable living a life where I couldn’t be who I am. It’s not an option.

Q. How do you choose your bulls online? Any specific questions, selection criteria, ritual to find genuine bulls and sort out the wannabes and pretenders quickly ?

A. For me I normally just trust my gut feelings a lot when it comes to talking to people online and with bulls it’s no different. I can usually tell pretty quickly if it’s someone who I think we would be a good match. Obviously I’m a size queen and queen of spades so those two boxes have to be checked, but personality and respect for each other has to be there too. I’ve been friends with most of my bulls for years. When you find a good one you keep them. Red flags are when he is too eager, too rushed, not willing to verify, arrogant, and uninterested in learning about you and your preferences/boundaries.

Q. What percentage of women, in your estimation, would be looking for a cuck relationship? What percentage do you think might be open to it in 5 years? A decade?

A. I have no idea how many but my guess is there are very few women looking for a relationship like this. Maybe as time goes by it will be more widely known (and accurately portrayed) and perhaps more women will then begin to consider it as a valid relationship option but that would be a long time from now.

Q. Are you in a relationship now?

A. For now I am choosing not to go into any details about my relationship status. Perhaps at a later date I will let you know.

Q. How is Your sexual relationship with Your cuck “in between bull encounters” if there is any, if there is none then why not?

A. Each relationship I’ve been in is different in that way. Some enjoy sexual denial more than others so it has varied. I don’t have any set rules about that upfront. I may or may not fuck my cuck. It just depends how I’m feeling.

Q. How long can you edge your cuck?

A. As long a I want.

Q. In cuckolding relationships, do you think they all should have a hierarchy? Like my ideal cuck relationship would have bull at the top, myself, then my cuck.

A. I think that’s kind of what sets cuckolding relationships apart from hotwifing relationships, yes. Sometimes the hierarchy is just in the bedroom, others it’s 24/7, but it’s always unique to the couple.

Q. Are you more of a dominating woman in real life?

A. Yes I have always been more in control and assertive with my expectations however I feel like cuckolding relationships have brought that out more in me.

Q. What American city would you like to live in?

A. If I were to move from Canada I would like to live in New York City. Or somewhere else on the East coast or somewhere on the West coast. But to be honest your crazy American politics, ridiculous healthcare, and gun fanatics really scare me soooo maybe not. Ha!

Q. What’s the thing that nobody who isn’t in the lifestyle spends any time thinking about, but is actually really important when you’re in the lifestyle?

A. Hmmmm that’s a tough one… I think it’s about trust. For people who live vanilla lives I think trust is a one dimensional basic thought. It’s either there or it’s not – it’s black and white. In cuckolding, it’s creative like an art form. It’s an exploration or a journey you take together and it evolves as you go. It’s more than just a gift you give to each other, it’s giving each other everything, and that is where the magic comes from in a cuckolding relationship. I don’t know if that makes sense but that’s the easiest way I can explain it.

Q. Do you think there’s a danger of the Cucktress (wife/gf) losing respect and love for her new cuck?

A. I’ve had this question come up several times over the years and I’m trying to figure out if it is a real issue or just a common fear that cucks have. For me, I have never lost respect for my cuck – ever – and I don’t see how I ever would. Perhaps if it was not a serious relationship then maybe but when you already love each other then the journeys you take in a cuckolding relationship are just an evolution of the connection you have so I don’t see how respect would be lost.

Q. What keeps YOU turned on, and what can he do to make sure you’re happy?

A. This is a tough one to answer… When I think about the moments when I shared experiences with my first cuck, those turned me on incredibly, but when it comes to ongoing I think championship pussy eating skills are definitely at the top of the list. I also love thoughtful gifts, flowers, little reminders that he is thinking about me – those sorts of things.

Q. What things turn on the cuckoldress,the cuck and the bull?

A. Cuckolding. A love and appreciation for the role each plays.

Q. What’s the biggest turn on about it for the woman…from the guys point of view I’ve been there and understand it but always have been curious about the real and actual turn-ons for the lady?

A. I can only speak for myself but the turn on for me in it all is how my cuck reacts to what I’m doing or saying. When he gets turned on then I get turned on – but that dynamic only works when it’s someone I love and care about.

Q. What is the most humiliating thing that a bull makes the cuck do?

A. Probably a bull who fucks the cuck or makes him clean up. I’m not into bulls who involve cucks sexually but some are so I would assume that would be the most humiliating for a cuck.

Q. What would your advice be to someone who isn’t 100% sure if they want to try it but…maybe thinks he does? (single male btw)

A. Don’t. Personally I feel that if you are not sure if you are a cuck then you aren’t. This might be a controversial opinion but I feel like either you are hard wired to be a cuck or it’s just something you are curious about, just like if you were curious about trying out some kind of fetish or kink or something – and that’s not what cuckolding is. Cuckolding relationships are right for people who it’s a part of who they are, something they can’t live without, something they need in life to feel happy and fulfilled.

Q. How do you find the right cage? He’s big and can’t find a cage that fits so it’s not painful.

A. Don’t every buy an off-the-shelf cage. It will never fit right. Invest in a custom made cage and it will be the only cage he will ever need. Just make sure he measures himself very carefully before ordering it. Mature metal makes beautiful cages: https://www.maturemetal.com/

Q. Does your husband watch? Do you keep your ring on?

A. I’m not married but if I was he would watch if I wanted him to, and of course I would keep my ring on – I have nothing to hide.

Q. Can a woman who doesn’t have or has never displayed any kind of dominance or assertiveness in a relationship (even in private) really be a cuckoldress?

A. Good question. A cuckoldress – I doubt it. Perhaps a hotwife would be more likely.

Q. What do you think about friend-zone cuckolding?

A. I don’t know what this is??

Venus xo

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Cuckolding is a two way street

“Sure I like how seemingly selfish and unfair cuckolding is compared to hotwifing but when you think of it, if that’s the way he loves it then really it’s about perception.”

Venus

I briefly touched on this 3 years ago but now I would like to expand upon it. Cuckolding relationships are obviously amazing – I mean I have spent so much time writing about how incredible they can be and while they certainly aren’t for everyone, for the ones who this kind of lifestyle suits, it can feel like something beautifully natural.

In my experience cuckolding with someone I love is very much a two way compersion street. As much as it may seem like these cuckolding scenarios focus mainly around the woman getting her sexual needs met, it’s actually more about the emotional dance going on between her and her cuck. Ask any really good bull and he will tell you that in that room, the sex is about her but the moment is truly about the emotional radio waves between her and her cuck.

When my cuck is turned on it turns me on as well. When I am turned on, he gets turned on and it’s this wonderful continuous emotional loop. So it’s important to me that my cuck is enjoying himself. That’s why it is difficult for me to answer questions about how I feel a cuck should act and it’s also why humiliation is so fluid and completely dependent on the people involved. If he’s not into it then I’m not likely going to be either but if he does get turned on by it then it’s something I will likely run with.

Having said all of that, it really does take two people who love to see each other’s needs fulfilled – and that’s not something that should be unique to cuckolding relationships. Sure I like how seemingly selfish and unfair cuckolding is compared to hotwifing but when you think of it, if that’s the way he loves it then really it’s about perception.

Cuckolding is about love; love that we show in ways that society would consider to be taboo. If both people are happy, fulfilled, and in love, then who cares about what other people think. They don’t know what they’re missing.

Venus xo

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The clean up

“In my mind in that moment I’m swept away thinking about what he is doing and I’m so turned on knowing he’s likely overwhelmed with emotion and slightly humiliated while he’s eating my cum filled pussy.”

Venus

Nothing is more intimate than the moment he comes over to me, positions his face between my thighs, and cleans up my freshly fucked pussy. Nothing.

I have a hard time explaining exactly what that moment is like…perhaps because it’s so intense and such a swirl of emotions for both of us but it’s hands down my favourite part about cuckolding relationships. It’s the ultimate loving gesture and the ultimate pussy worship and of course I love both of those things.

In my mind in that moment I’m swept away thinking about what he is doing and I’m so turned on knowing he’s likely overwhelmed with emotion and slightly humiliated while he’s eating my cum filled pussy. I think about how I’ve just been fucked by another man and now this man I adore is the one to take it all in with his gentle mouth, breathing, tasting, and feeling like a true cuck.

Sometimes my bull is there in the room, sometimes he’s not, and that doesn’t really matter to me because my cuck is all I’m focused on in that moment – the person I love more than anything. First my pussy gets entirely satisfied and then my heart gets fulfilled – what could possibly be better?? Nothing.

Moments like these are what makes this kind of relationship phenomenal and it’s why I can’t ever go back to anything else. Once you’ve experienced it, it changes you and from that point on, it’s that pinnacle level of trust, love and connection of cuckolding relationships that you seek.

I deeply love cuckolding relationships.

Venus xo

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Cuckolding – get it right

“Yes cuckolding is a broad spectrum with different aspects intertwined however from one end to the next, the foundation of it all is a real relationship between two people in love and that’s what makes it so special – even magical.”

Venus

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how cuckolding is portrayed online and the widespread misunderstandings about it so I’ve been giving some thought to what I feel is the most accurate definition of cuckolding and also of what I believe cuckolding definitely is not.

First of all, I realize this may be controversial to some but I believe cuckolding does not belong in a fetish list, BDSM page, or kink collection. Cuckolding is an actual relationship. Let me explain…

Cuckolding is a loving, long term, and committed relationship. It’s a consensual one-sided non monogamous relationship where both people give each other everything they need to feel fulfilled and trusted. It’s a beautiful relationship dynamic that is emotional, thrilling, and so wonderfully intense. It only works when it’s an real relationship – otherwise it is meaningless.

Having said all of that, this is what cuckolding is not: cuckolding is not some random guy asking a random woman if he can watch her fuck another guy. Cuckolding is not findoms who demand financial slavery from submissive men or use or abuse them to manipulate them – consensual or not, this is NOT cuckolding. Cuckolding is also not meeting up with a femdom ‘mistress’ for a night so the two of you can play out a cuckolding fantasy together.

Unfortunately the real meaning of cuckolding has been heavily distorted by the inaccurate portrayal in mainstream porn coupled with the femdom/findom women using the cuckoldress label for their own profit, and that’s really sad because that’s not what it’s about at all. I feel bad for the people who are just beginning to learn about cuckolding and are bombarded with these false narratives and it’s no wonder so many women are turned off by cuckolding when they happen to go online to try to learn about it.

Yes cuckolding is a broad spectrum with different aspects intertwined however from one end to the next, the foundation of it all is a real relationship between two people in love and that’s what makes it so special – even magical. So let’s get it straight: that’s the part that we all should celebrate , educate, and promote.

Venus xo

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