Cuckolding – get it right

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about how cuckolding is portrayed online and the widespread misunderstandings about it so I’ve been giving some thought to what I feel is the most accurate definition of cuckolding and also of what I believe cuckolding definitely is not.

First of all, I realize this may be controversial to some but I believe cuckolding does not belong in a fetish list, BDSM page, or kink collection. Cuckolding is an actual relationship. Let me explain…

Cuckolding is a loving, long term, and committed relationship. It’s a consensual one-sided non monogamous relationship where both people give each other everything they need to feel fulfilled and trusted. It’s a beautiful relationship dynamic that is emotional, thrilling, and so wonderfully intense. It only works when it’s an real relationship – otherwise it is meaningless.

Having said all of that, this is what cuckolding is not: cuckolding is not some random guy asking a random woman if he can watch her fuck another guy. Cuckolding is not findoms who demand financial slavery from submissive men or use or abuse them to manipulate them – consensually or not, this is NOT cuckolding. Cuckolding is also not meeting up with a femdom ‘mistress’ for a night so the two of you can play out a cuckolding fantasy together.

Unfortunately the real meaning of cuckolding has been heavily distorted by the inaccurate portrayal in mainstream porn coupled with the femdom/findom women using the cuckoldress label for their own profit, and that’s really sad because that’s not what it’s about at all. I feel bad for the people who are just beginning to learn about cuckolding and are bombarded with these false narratives and it’s no wonder so many women are turned off by cuckolding when they happen to go online to try to learn about it.

Yes cuckolding is a broad spectrum with different aspects intertwined however from one end to the next, the foundation of it all is a real relationship between two people in love and that’s what makes it so special – even magical. So let’s get it straight: that’s the part that we all should celebrate , educate, and promote.

Venus xo

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What’s next?

It’s been a few years since I sat down to write my first post on this blog, What the fuck is cuckolding? and I have been thinking a lot about what was going through my mind at that time and what was motivating me to write.

Several months earlier I had met a guy on tinder who introduced me to this kind of relationship and it was like a feeling of relief – I had finally found the kind of relationship that was meant for me. Finally! But what really struck me was that I didn’t even know it existed before. I knew I wanted something like that but I had no idea that I could actually have it. It had me wondering how many other women out there don’t know it exists either, and of those, how many like myself would really love it. So that is why I sat down and wrote – to let other women know, hey this might be of interest to you.

Fast forward three years and I’m wondering if I’ve been at all successful with that goal. My biggest reach is through my blog and my Twitter and through stats and polls I’ve learned that 95% to 97% of my readers are men, both single and attached. This is not exactly what I’ve been hoping for.

I’ve come to learn that women just are not online reading about these things and why I don’t know, but they just aren’t here. The men are online consuming the cuckolding jerk off material and a few are genuinely interested in learning about cuckolding relationships. This is why there is so much cuck porn on Twitter and used to be on Tumblr. That’s why when a cuckolding “chat” room opens up, it’s dominated by guys sharing pics of bulls and wives and cuckolding porn while the actual conversation rooms are quiet. This is why women are turned off by it all – the representation of cuckolding online is based in porn fantasy and not reality. Where is the legitimacy to this kind of relationship?

I get it – women and men are very different with what turns them on – and I think at times I’ve been guilty of feeding into the whole visual jerk off material that men want. For that reason I have deleted most of my media and don’t plan to post anything else like that.

So….what do I do next? I’ve written a lot on here over the years and I’ve spoken quite a bit on various podcasts about this kind of relationship, and perhaps that’s as good as it will get. It’s been an effort that I’ve managed to fit in outside of my full time normal job and full time family and life responsibilities. At times it’s been a lot of work and although I love it, I’m wondering if it’s worth continuing. Maybe despite my efforts, cuckolding relationships will remain hidden from women who could possibly love that kind of relationship and perhaps that’s just something I need to accept.

Venus xo

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The culture of men

For any woman that’s ever dared venture into the world of online dating the reality is they’re going to find quickly that there’s a serious problem with manhood today. This goes well beyond men being rude, inarticulate, aggressive, toxically masculine.

This post is written by my friend @UsefulBetaCuck on Twitter. It’s thought provoking, reflective, controversial, and in my opinion right on point.

Venus xo


In many ways, for all its value, the world would be better if the internet didn’t exist. For all we’ve gained from it look at what it’s cost us.

@UsefulBetaCuck

For any woman that’s ever dared venture into the world of online dating the reality is they’re going to find quickly that there’s a serious problem with manhood today. This goes well beyond men being rude, inarticulate, aggressive, toxically masculine. It’ll also cross the spectrum of their sexual identity; be they dominant, submissive, a bull, a cuck, whatever, the problem is universal.

If I could change one thing it would be the culture of men in general. A good portion of my thinking exists in the “old world” and those old souls among us feel like voices crying in the wilderness. Just leaving cuckolding aside for a minute, I value what I’ve made of myself as a man. If you met me, at least superficially, you would never guess that you were talking to a sexual submissive. I’m hard working, articulate, well read, well kept, in shape, active and even “alpha” in my community and work life.

But then I look around and what I see is little boys walking in grown men’s bodies. (And it’s not just the younger generation, millennials are simply products of their environment. So enough about millennials being the problem.) It’s really a problem of my generation and the one before me. It’s like they lost any semblance of reality. First sign of pain and they quit. First sign a woman is her own autonomous being and will not take their shit and they abandon. And I’m talking in the real world, online it’s simply set in overdrive.

In many ways, for all its value, the world would be better if the internet didn’t exist. For all we’ve gained from it look at what it’s cost us. For women it should be obvious, the price they’ve paid is the loss of their men. (If you want to test this, take away your man’s smart phone and see how he behaves. Does he suck it up or does he throw a tantrum?) And how do you box and sell manhood? You don’t. It’s the social mores of real masculinity in the culture that we’ve lost. The pessimistic side of me says we’ll never get it back, at least not with the current stock of men raising the next generation.

Now combine all this with a submissive male that’s addicted to porn and to jerking off and sees nothing more in a real life woman than another tool to achieve his next orgasm. It’s likely as high as 95% of all so-called cucks online who fall into this category. They want you to be a means to an end and not the end itself. This is where the problem and solution lies.

Women, there’s little chance your men will do this on their own but you have to require, to demand nothing less than your man actually be a man. No matter who he is, if he loves you he’ll know you are not just some insignificant object through which he vicariously gets off. This is one reason considering being a cuckoldress is such an empowering option. You make the rules, you set boundaries and you will be respected by a partner who’s not just a cuck, but a man.

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Cuckold Porn is Garbage

A few years ago when I was introduced to cuckolding by a new boyfriend I was lucky enough to not have watched any cuck porn prior to that. I say lucky because I think the vast majority of cuck porn out there is fucking garbage.

Still to this day I haven’t found any cuck porn that I like very much so I just mainly stick to interracial BBC content and at least that satisfies my Queen of Spades needs. It got me wondering though…why is cuck porn so awful? Why have porn companies done such a bad job with this one category?

Cuckolding (in my mind) is a complex emotional dynamic between two people who are in love and in a deeply committed relationship, and it’s nearly impossible to be able to translate that emotional exchange from the screen to the viewer using mainstream  porn.

Sure you can have the husband watching his wife get pounded by another man, but how boring is that for the viewer? So producers try to spice it up with the femdom aspect and use it to humiliate the husband overtly and cruelly – this story line dominates the cuckold videos online and that’s fine for those who love it but I think it misses the mark.

Then there are the many amateur videos online to kind of fill that void I guess and yes there are some fairly good ones out there but I haven’t found any that I really love either. I think the realness of the scene is appreciated by the viewers but still is missing something in the translation to the person watching who is trying to imagine being there, a part of it.

Then there are the cuckolding memes that dominate Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, and all sorts of other places. These I’m sure are all made by guys who want to convey and share their desires and fantasies in this kind of lifestyle and I think it’s these memes that more accurately describe cuckolding than porn videos.  It’s usually just an image and a small piece of narrative attached to it but it’s powerful and triggers thoughts in motion, deep desires, and massive arousal.  Pretty much every  cuck who I’ve talked to has a little collection of favourites.  Funny enough someone once stole one of my Fetlife photos and made a meme with it and posted it somewhere and I didn’t know whether to be pissed off about it or flattered – seriously just ask permission first guys!

Anyways I’m always hoping that more women will come to understand and appreciate this kind of relationship and unfortunately I think cuckold porn isn’t helping with that. In fact I think it’s a deterrent.

 

Venus xo

 

Stories from summer 2017

The summer is coming to an end and although I didn’t accomplish everything that I set out to do, I did manage to have some fun here and there. Here are a few stories about my adventures.

In June I had a cuck come to meet me here in Vancouver. I didn’t really know a lot about him but since he was going to fly from the US I figured I would spend the weekend with him. He was a nice guy and we got along well. We went out to restaurants, rented a boat and spent the afternoon on the water. 

I usually prefer not to cuck a guy on the first date – that’s something I used to do and while it’s fun, it lacks meaning without the established relationship part – but I changed my mind the second day. I had been talking to a tall black guy from LA that day who happened to be in Vancouver. So I arranged to have him show up at the bar we were going to be in later that night. I kept it secret from the cuck. 

We were sitting at the bar when I saw him walk in, tall black and beautiful. He walked over, I gave him a kiss and turned to my cuck and told him to buy him a drink. He did what he was told to do and after a few drinks I said let’s all go back to the hotel. My cuck just looked at me and smiled. 

In the room I told him to sit and watch while my black bull did whatever he wanted to me. I’m not on birth control so my bull came on me, not in me, and he ordered my cuck to come closer to watch as it happened. Then I told him to clean it all up. He was a bit hesitant to do it at first because he had never done that before but I told him that’s his job as a cuck so he did it. I kissed my bull goodbye and he left. The sheets were a wet mess so I made him sleep on that side of the bed. The next day it was time for him to fly back to the US and although we had a nice weekend together, we lacked a connection beyond that so I wasn’t interested in meeting again. 

Also in June, I was having visits by a 21 year old white boy who lives here in Vancouver. He has a foot fetish so I let him worship my feet and my ass. He massages my feet, kisses my pedicured toes, and I stand above him and slide my pretty little feet as far down his throat as possible. He’s getting quite good at that. Sometimes I’ll sit on his face and let him breathe once in a while or other times I will just lay back and watch a movie or text on my phone while his face is firmly between my thighs. 

So one day he happened to mention that he’s a virgin. I told him he better do something about that because at 21 he was getting a little old for that and it would become something awkward. He said he was saving it for a girl who he really liked. Well it didn’t take much for me to take his virginity and he certainly didn’t protest. Of course I had to tell him exactly what to do and how to do it but really he’s lucky that I did that for him. His future girlfriends will thank me. 

July was a girls trip to Las Vegas and my oh my…there are a lot of beautiful black men there and we certainly sampled a few of them. 

Over the summer I reconnected with some cucks from my past, only to be disappointed yet again by their flakiness and all talk and no action kind of behavior. Sigh…..I really shouldn’t give second chances anymore. Anyways I won’t go off about that. I’ve already ranted on this blog enough before. Stupid cucks. 

In August I went to Southern Georgia with one of my black guys and had a nice relaxing vacation with loads of incredible sex. That’s my kind of vacation! Actually I really just want that every day…

For my flight home I had one of my submissive white guy friends pick me up from the airport and I stayed at his apartment that night. I was exhausted from a full day of flights but I let him bury his face in my pussy as I laid back and watched my favorite BBC porn, then repeat it again the next morning. He did everything I wanted him to do for me. Such a good boy.

This past weekend I had a new black guy from Seattle come to see me and he fucked me so good and I loved feeling his BBC slide down the back of my throat. I’m definitely adding him to my stable! 

Things will likely slow down a little in the next while but I’m still holding out hope that I will meet my future cuck husband, my life partner. I’m keeping my fingers crossed but my expectations at a sadly low level.
P.S. the photo that I’ve attached to this post is one from my own collection – enjoy!

Dating as a Cuck – Part 2

Here it is, the sequel to my friend Jay’s post Dating as a Cuck – Part 1. I absolutely love what he’s written, especially the last part about asking yourself that important question…. Enjoy!

Venus xo

Dating as a Cuck – Part 2

In my last post, I discussed the hard truths that one must come to terms with before beginning a relationship with a cuckoldress. If you’ve truly done the proper introspective work and decided that you are prepared, you’ve only begun half the necessary work.

In this post, I will discuss an important next step towards having a successful cuckold relationship. It is the process of dissociating yourself from your penis. This is actually something that all men should work on, but cuckolds especially.

You, the first time cuck, have gone nearly your entire life with the interests of your penis somewhere on your priority list. When you tried to sit next to that pretty girl in class, or when you caught yourself checking out your co-worker with the nice butt, or when you compulsively scrolled through dating apps, your penis was guiding your actions.

Now at a fundamental level, this is only natural. We men are hard wired to mate as often as possible with a wide range of mates. But we are no longer cavemen, and in order to be an attractive cuck you must stop thinking with your dick. One main reason, as was stated in the last post, is that as a cuck, your gf or wife simply Does. Not. Care. About your dick. When she imagines being intimate or romantic with you, your dick never enters her thoughts. She thinks about dicks that are much longer, thicker, last longer, and get harder than yours. But as a cuck your dick never enters your partner’s mind, so don’t let it enter yours either.

The other reason, is that separating yourself from your dick will actually make you a better person. There are numerous studies that demonstrate the positive effects of abstaining from masturbation. These include raised testosterone levels, increased productivity, increased mood, increased levels of motivation. These are things that any man should want! Stopping masturbation will also stop you from watching porn, which is terrible behavior for a cuck and creates an innacurate depiction of the cuckold lifestyle and women in general. So overall, you will become a better person in general.

So how do you do this? Of course its easier to talk about than actually doing it, but there are many methods and tricks to begin separating yourself from your dick. The easiest method is chastity. Talk to your partner about the need for chastity if they have not already. I recommend ordering a custom cage that will fit you properly. A proper fit should feel snug when you’re completely flaccid, you should not be able to achieve an erection of any kind while locked up.

Ceasing masturbation and porn viewing is another method. Porn often triggers masturbation, so abstaining from adult websites can immensely improve your ability to separate yourself from your dick. The last method, is pure willpower. Really think about how badly you want to be a cuck, and how great your life will be improved with a cuckoldress in it. Think about that every time you get the urge to touch yourself.

This is one of the most fundamental steps to becoming a true cuck, and there’s an easy test to give yourself to figure out if you’re closer to becoming that ideal cuck. When you think about cuckolding, do you become aroused and get the urge to touch yourself? Or do you get a rush of warm emotions, and think about sharing a special powerful bond with your loved one? Be honest with yourself, and do the proper work to become a better boyfriend, cuck, and overall person.

Jay