Humiliation

The flip side to this cuckolding psychology is that humiliation tells my cuck that I accept and love him for who he is. It validates the emotions that drive his sexuality. Excitement. Fear. Anxiety. Jealousy. Devotion. Shame. Anticipation. Why would I ever deny the man I love the feelings that make him feel complete sexually?

This beautiful post is written by my friend @BBCslutncuck and it’s a subject that I feel many women struggle with so share this one with all of the women in your life – it’s that important! – Venus xo

This isn’t the blog entry I promised to write, but it’s the issue most on my mind lately. Partly, that is because it’s important and yet it’s something I sometimes let slide because I can be selfish. It’s important to remind ourselves what matters. We are incredibly lucky. My cuck and I live exactly the life we want. We have beautiful children, rewarding professions, are madly in love, and are living exactly the sexual lifestyle we prefer. I am a cuckoldress, free to fuck, date, and pursue whomever I chose, and he worships me for that freedom. He desires it for me and I lap it up with abandon. As content as we are, we endeavor to grow in our chosen sexual lifestyle. We began non-consensual non-monogamy, after all, to explore our desires together. We’ve been swingers, we dabbled in hotwifing, and now, 20 years into a happy marriage, have found ourselves here: cuckoldress and cuckold, still learning, still growing.

I say all of this to start because the place we still feel we have the most room to grow is when it comes to cuckolding is humiliation. I’ll admit that this was, and still is, the hardest part of the lifestyle to realize for my partner. This is partially because for most of our lives we are taught to coddle the male ego. They are virile, strong, masculine. Their cocks satisfy us deeply. We lie and say we only have eyes for our man and other drivel that demeans the honesty of our loving relationships. It was also difficult because I love my husband and telling him that his penis is sad, or that it’s been years since I’ve even remotely thought of it as satisfying, seems like it’s hurtful (though I think all those things regularly, more on that later). It’s also hard because we are wired differently. While I’m a highly sexual person, it’s not always at the forefront of my mind. We all live at the intersections of our lives, mother, wife, co-worker, sister, daughter, coach, friend – for each of us that list is different, but it’s there and it means we are never JUST a cuckoldress – even if that is a huge part of who we are.

I know from conversations with other cuckoldresses that humiliation can be a struggle. And as I said above, I sometimes share that struggle. It’s important that we understand, cucks too, that this is a legitimate emotional hurdle for most women. Especially true for those of us that don’t identify as a domme. But, I’ve learned my struggles are rooted in the guilt engrained in managing fragile masculinity. Ironic, because I have ZERO guilt about being the slut I am, yet guilt can linger when I am trying to honestly express feelings that are both true and arousing to my cuck. What I now realize, the magic element, the one that truly unlocks all of sexuality, and indeed my best cuckoldress, is consent. To say it directly: the humiliation my cuck desires is consensual. He wants it. He needs it. And what’s more, he needs it from me – his friend, partner, lover. Consent is about trust, and that is the root of cuckolding.

Humiliation for my cuck invests in me the trust to be a truly open, loving, and free partner. Conversely, it tells him that he is free to accept his desire to be a cuck and embrace all that it has to offer him.

My cuck is trusting me with the freedom to enjoy the full breadth of my sexuality. He trusts me to explore my attractions to other men without guilt or hesitation. It also allows me to share my most honest feelings about our relationship. I don’t have to pretend I am satisfied by him sexually, which allows us to grow and explore forms of intimacy that are ultimately more honest and fulfilling. Especially when I know they are feelings that excite him, there is never need lie to ourselves. It’s an incredible freedom to tell him, in a loving way, that he will never be my primary sexual partner ever again. It’s a fact. We are stronger for sharing it.

The flip side to this cuckolding psychology is that humiliation tells my cuck that I accept and love him for who he is. It validates the emotions that drive his sexuality. Excitement. Fear. Anxiety. Jealousy. Devotion. Shame. Anticipation. Why would I ever deny the man I love the feelings that make him feel complete sexually? I’m afforded the same freedom in my life, even if the cocktail of emotions I feel are completely different. Anyone who has ever feared sharing a fantasy with a partner knows the power it gives someone over you. A glimpse into the hidden and dark corners of what makes you, you. It’s scary, sure, but when you are accepted and heard, it’s thrilling, and it completes you. The bond with that person is stronger for the sharing. It was when I realized that he needs to feel those emotions and loves me for them that it clicked: humiliation isn’t what’s hurtful – denying my cuck the same freedom to enjoy what he enjoys is.

In our cuckold marriage humiliation both is and is becoming a mutual and loving part of our lives. It doesn’t happen all at once. What a cuckoldress and a cuck get from this lifestyle are different, but they are mutually reinforcing. I’m not writing about how to humiliate your cuck. There are plenty of other blogs with amazing ideas for accomplishing that. What I’m hoping to convey is that the resistance to humiliate is a normal reservation that most of us have, or have had. You aren’t doing it wrong if you struggle. You aren’t a bad partner. If you’re listening, growing together, exploring, failing, trying again, learning something new – we call that being in a relationship.

The challenge of cuckold consistency

How do you finally “break” a cuck husband for good? Get him to fully commit, all in? I go back and forth in cuckolding with mine. I’ll have him very submissive for long periods on time but occasionally he kind of revolts and rebels and we have to work back into a “sub” place.— the716hotwife (@the716Hotwife) January 5, 2019

This was the post I read on Twitter that really caught my attention. I love these honest and real relationship questions being addressed in this lifestyle so I invited her to write more about that comment here on my blog. The following is what she had to say:

Venus xo

To start with a bit of background, my husband and I have been married 17 years and started exploring “open” dynamics about 4 years ago. After exploring a few different dynamics, we found that cuckolding is the most comfortable , appropriate and natural dynamic between us. It’s so obvious to see and feel that our relationship is best harmonized when I am confidently in my place as Dominant Cuckoldress and he is in his place as my submissive cuckold bitch. In this mode, everything feels in sync. We are both more content and less stressed. We are both kinder and more patient parents to our young children. We are both more productive in life and work. And of course, we are both getting our natural sexual needs fulfilled. Me enjoying intense and dirty nights with my Bull and him indulging in his filthy and degrading submissive desires.

But, unfortunately, these times of synchronicity don’t last. The chaos of life with children is relentless and the demands of work always press on and in this whirlwind of life we both drift and from our natural roles of Cuckoldress and cuck and slip into that dark, dreary and humdrum cliché of American married life. Pretty much unconnected and asexual. A place neither of wants to be but for which we both take responsibility.

It seems the more intense of our period of cuckolding, the more we withdraw from each other when it breaks. Like a boxing match where after the round we retreat to our separate corners to recuperate – me taking a deep breath and my husband taking stock in his masculinity.

My goal is to commit to this lifestyle all-in and 100%. I feel confident and secure in the fact that my cuck is my absolute and rightful property and that my sexuality is all mine to exploit and enjoy. It’s so clear to us that this is all natural and beautiful. But maintaining consistency is our challenge.

How do we go from “on and off” to “forever and always?” From enticing to absolution? How do we take this to the next level? Is it merely all about me being more strict and severe with chastity, discipline, and humiliation? Or is there something else we’re missing?

I’d like to hear about how couples have made this transition from dabbling with cuckolding to committing to cuckolding.

@the716Hotwife

Twitter: https://twitter.com/the716Hotwife 

Tumblr: http://the716hotwife.tumblr.com 

A fantasy…

The idea of fucking my boyfriend/husband’s boss or his friends really turns me on. For me, I feel like it’s the ultimate humiliation and therefore the ultimate enjoyment for both of us.

Picture in your mind, his boss is also his roommate. And his boss also happens to be a dominant black man who loves being a bull, and loves bossing around my boyfriend.

Now imagine the day I meet this tall hot black roommate boss of his, and he notices my Queen of Spades tattoo on my ankle….mmmm… His eyes light up…he looks at me…and looks at my boyfriend, and says “Oh wow looks like I’ve stumbled upon the perfect situation here! My boyfriend looks at me and says “Whatever you want baby you know I love you”. I smile and feel that flutter of excitement inside me.

The boss begins texting me; the conversation is explicit and hot as fuck. I love telling my boyfriend all about it and showing him which photos I’ve sent to his boss and describing his reaction to them. Both of us love it…it’s overwhelmingly hot…it’s something intimate we share together and bonds us even closer than before. It amplifies our love for each other to a whole other level.

Fuck, just writing this turns me on!!

Is this purely a fantasy that I’ve created in my imagination or have I experienced this situation in for real? Hmmmm I’m not going to say. It’s far more fun to just to wonder!

Venus xo

By the way I recently wrote a piece for simplysxy.com called ‘What it takes to be a cuckoldress’ Here’s the link if you would like to have a look: http://simplysxy.com/articles/2018/12/20/what-it-takes-to-be-a-cuckoldress/

Cuckold Porn is Garbage

A few years ago when I was introduced to cuckolding by a new boyfriend I was lucky enough to not have watched any cuck porn prior to that. I say lucky because I think the vast majority of cuck porn out there is fucking garbage.

Still to this day I haven’t found any cuck porn that I like very much so I just mainly stick to interracial BBC content and at least that satisfies my Queen of Spades needs. It got me wondering though…why is cuck porn so awful? Why have porn companies done such a bad job with this one category?

Cuckolding (in my mind) is a complex emotional dynamic between two people who are in love and in a deeply committed relationship, and it’s nearly impossible to be able to translate that emotional exchange from the screen to the viewer using mainstream  porn.

Sure you can have the husband watching his wife get pounded by another man, but how boring is that for the viewer? So producers try to spice it up with the femdom aspect and use it to humiliate the husband overtly and cruelly – this story line dominates the cuckold videos online and that’s fine for those who love it but I think it misses the mark.

Then there are the many amateur videos online to kind of fill that void I guess and yes there are some fairly good ones out there but I haven’t found any that I really love either. I think the realness of the scene is appreciated by the viewers but still is missing something in the translation to the person watching who is trying to imagine being there, a part of it.

Then there are the cuckolding memes that dominate Tumblr, Twitter, Instagram, and all sorts of other places. These I’m sure are all made by guys who want to convey and share their desires and fantasies in this kind of lifestyle and I think it’s these memes that more accurately describe cuckolding than porn videos.  It’s usually just an image and a small piece of narrative attached to it but it’s powerful and triggers thoughts in motion, deep desires, and massive arousal.  Pretty much every  cuck who I’ve talked to has a little collection of favourites.  Funny enough someone once stole one of my Fetlife photos and made a meme with it and posted it somewhere and I didn’t know whether to be pissed off about it or flattered – seriously just ask permission first guys!

Anyways I’m always hoping that more women will come to understand and appreciate this kind of relationship and unfortunately I think cuckold porn isn’t helping with that. In fact I think it’s a deterrent.

 

Venus xo

 

The natural progression of a cuckoldress

Do women naturally become more cruel and selfish and men more submissive and eager to please?

Recently I read my very first blog post ‘what the fuck is cuckolding’ which I wrote almost 2  years ago and what stood out for me was where I spoke about humiliation. At that time, while starting out my adventures in cuckolding, I felt interested in the humiliation aspect of cuckolding but only as long as I didn’t feel overtly cruel about it. I also wasn’t interested in male chastity at the time. I basically understood nothing about what its purpose was.

Fast forward two years and I’ve evolved into a cuckoldress who loves dishing out humiliation and is addicted to keyholding. I’ve become more self centered, less patient, and more demanding with what I want. This seemingly effortless transition got me wondering….is this a common natural progression for all cuckoldresses?

Do women become more selfish and cruel and therefore the men become more submissive and eager to please? Sure it depends if it’s actually cuckolding we’re talking about rather than just hotwifing, but I suspect that this is the trend that naturally happens over time. I should mention that I haven’t really done much research at all about cuckolding. I haven’t read any other blogs or talked with other cuckoldresses so I basically have only my own experiences to go by and that leaves me wondering about what it’s like for other women like me.

I think that for women who were born for this kind of relationship, they enjoy the attention, sexual superiority and empowerment that this lifestyle gives them. It gives her permission to set the bar high and insist that he exceed it for her. And for men who are hardwired to be a cuck, the trust and commitment in this kind of relationship allows them to feel safe to submit to her and to want to live their own sex life strictly through hers. It’s a beautiful gift and the key to all of this working is of course love and trust.

So what do you think? Is there any truth in this? I welcome your comments.

 

Venus xo