Understanding Motivations

Often lost in the discussion of fantasies are the motivations. Men usually focus on the who, what, when, where, and how. But don’t overlook the why. When discussing this topic with women, the first question many of them will have is, “why would you want me to do this?” And that is an essential question. 

If you look into the horror stories of cuckolding gone wrong, you can often trace it back to misaligned priorities and motivations to begin. Venus and her guests really hammer home the notion that this lifestyle must be about her, and for a good reason. When the north star is the same for both partners, when it’s solely about her exploration and pleasure, this lifestyle’s complexities become easier to navigate together. 

Presented without judgment are some potentially problematic motivations for a cuckold: 

You are secretly bisexual

There is nothing wrong with bisexuality. The problem word is secret. If you are using cuckolding as a way to safely and without shame explore your bisexual side, with a female partner there to make it “not gay” then expect problems. Right off the bat, this comes off as being about you and not her. 

You want to control

Again, if this is about you wanting to feel power and dominance over two other human beings, you ask for problems. I get the appeal of being a private porn director, but here’s the problem, you are trying to feel like the alpha in the room while bringing a well-hung bull with a massive ego of his own and giving him access to your partner’s body. If he is experienced and talented, you are likely in for a rude awakening about who is in charge. This is one of that those that have true nightmare potential, as seen in the news recently. 

You are fragile

As stated in previous posts, this lifestyle is not for the faint of heart. There are many reasonably safe ways to explore submissiveness, and this one could be perfect, as long as everyone knows it going in. Most partners will be delighted (some thrilled) with exploring the limits of your submissiveness. The only challenge here potentially is if you are submissive and fragile. If the idea of being dominated, teased, and helplessly outperformed appeals to you in private, then you should find a way to slowly test your limits until you are sure you can handle it. Even the most tender and compliant man has an ego, and it’s hard to predict what happens when that ego is crushed. 

You want proof she’s a slut

Look, it’s very sexy to explore a woman’s slutty side. Some partnered women indeed are sluts that just decided to settle down with a nice guy. It’s a pervasive fear for men that they are the guy she settled for, but secretly she wants all the hot men out there. If this is your suspicion about your wife, then talk to her about her past. Advice for how here: https://venuscuckoldress.com/past-as-prologue/  What you shouldn’t do is use this as a trap to prove your paranoia and insecurities to be well-founded. This will never prove anything. I promise because her reasons for agreeing to this almost certainly have less to do with her being an unrepentant slut than her wanting to find creative ways to enhance your relationship. Statistically speaking, if she’s a slut, she’s likely cheated on you already. 

So what are some good reasons? 

You feel the passion fading

This happens, it’s natural and expected. After an initial honeymoon period, most couples reach a point where the essential exploration of each other’s wants and needs hits that 80/20 rule. This is the point where it’s often a great idea to introduce toys, fantasies, and yes, maybe even other people. It is the exact right time to communicate more about your wants and needs and push past the lull in the sex life. 

You reach the limits of your ability to please her

You’ve explored, gotten creative, tried it all, but you sense, and she admits that there is an itch you just can’t quite scratch. You’ve been attempting toys, and they are great, but not the same. Most women have limits they want to be pushed. While sex with you is a lovely, pleasing, and fantastic day to day, there are times when she needs to be taken into a different realm, shattered into a thousand pieces, and have you after that to help put her back together. 

You are both true extroverts

Extroverts are energized by interacting with other people. Monogamy and extroversion can be a challenge for many people. Bringing in other partners can be a way to draw energy and electricity from others. An experienced bull can provide that sexual energy to the room, and two extroverts may revel in that extremely heightened environment. 

She’s an exhibitionist

Maybe she just likes showing off, and wearing a bikini on the beach isn’t quite enough anymore. Maybe she reveled in the looks guys gave her on the beach when younger, but it can’t be beach weather all year long. Perhaps she’s done fashion shows for you alone, your private dancer, but she needs a new prop. She really loves how she looks when in the throws of passion and wants you to see that other side of her from across the room. If this is the case, ask her if she wants you to bring a camera. 

So, in summary, the possibilities are endless on how to execute this lifestyle. Before you do, make sure you and your partner both understand the motivations for why you each want this in your life. When you both understand why, the what, who, when, where, and how will be the easy part. 

Historical Context For Chastity

Does the modern notion of chastity, caging, and cuckoldry, replace the very ancient concept of the Eunuch? What is a Eunuch, and is a chastity cage simply a modern solution to an age-old challenge?

The dictionary definition of Eunuch is eu·nuch

/ˈyo͞onək/

Learn to pronounce

noun

  1. a man who has been castrated, especially (in the past) one employed to guard the women’s living areas at an imperial court.
  • an ineffectual person.

The Greek translation, eunouchosmeans (1) chamberlain, keeper of the bed-chamber of an eastern ruler, (2) a castrated person, or one who voluntarily abstains from marriage.

Ancient Origins

Ancient human societies deal with the power imbalance of social hierarchies in various ways. Eunuchs played a crucial role in societies as recently as the Ottoman empire. 

The concept of Harems, involved royal male at the top of the social hierarchy having many wives. This was a construct that developed as humans transitioned from hunter-gatherer to agrarian cultures. In nomadic bands, concepts such as ownership and property did not exist. But as humans settled down into geography, power structures, primarily patriarchal, began to develop. 

As those social hierarchies began to take form, the simple math dictated that other men must go without for a single man to have many lovers. Enter the Eunuch. 

The Eunuch in Eastern Empires

Dating back at least 4000yrs, Eunuchs served as court administrators, government officials, and harem minders. These ‘eunuchs’ established role was as “bed chamber attendants” in the imperial palace. Eunuchs were valued as “being good with respect to the mind,” based on their “being deprived of intercourse. The Ancients said Intercourse creates irrational behavior. (sound familiar?)

Eunuchs supposedly did not generally have loyalties to the military, the aristocracy, or a family of their own (having neither offspring nor in-laws, at the very least). Emperors and others viewed Eunuchs as trustworthy. The perception was they would be less interested in establishing a private ‘dynasty.’ Because their condition usually lowered their social status. Eunuchs were easily replaced without repercussion. In cultures that had both harems and eunuchs, eunuchs often served as harem servants.

The old testament has 45 references to Eunuchs. 

And some of your descendants, your own flesh and blood who will be born to you, will be taken away, and they will become eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon.” (Isaiah 39:7)

Chastity and Cuckoldry 

Our modern age is decidedly euro-centric. European culture followed a different path than eastern cultures. Monogamy is primarily a European ideal perpetuated by the roman catholic church. The appeal of a 1 for one monogamous pair bonding was obvious. Think of this social compact as sort of a chicken in every pot promise for a growing religion spreading through the European continent that had primarily been matriarchal and druidic. 

In many ways, it appealed to men on all levels of society that they too could possess a mate. But again, it comes from a patriarchal point of view.

We enter into an era of female empowerment. Women finally gain genuine autonomy over who they choose as partners. They break the bonds of social constructs that treated them as possessions for ages. 

But the recent explosion of chastity and open cuckoldry evokes ancient notions of the bed-chamber attendants. The Bull serves, for one night (or many) as the Emperor, the chastity cage is a non-surgical method of castration. Still, it produces the same reliable, trustworthy and compliant dynamic. 

References:

Acts 8:26–40 Bible Study Summary: Warren Camp | Hearty Boys. https://www.warrencampdesign.com/acts/part1/week15.php

Isaiah 39:7 NKJV – ‘And they shall take away… | Biblia. https://biblia.com/bible/nkjv/isaiah/39/7

The Edge of Glory – Extending Your Fun

Too often, our conversations around sex, for women and men, is about “cumming”, how many times and how intense. For many men, masturbation early in life was a sprint to the finish before they get caught.  Edging is a way to extend the fun for all.

Lost in all of the size matters discussions is the concept of stamina. Stamina can mean many things, but in most cases, it means the time a man can sustain an erection before needing a break. Typically that break comes after ejaculation or orgasm. Some men are blessed with the superpower (usually when young) to maintain an erection post-orgasm. Still, for most, the orgasm signals the end of the fun. 

Some men can slow build-up from foreplay to stimulation via sex and maintain a flow for significant periods to allow their partner to experience her pleasure, orgasm, and perhaps multiple orgasms before allowing himself to orgasm himself. 

Why it Matters

Most women love a guy who can play with dynamics of varying intensities. For many, The best sex starts slow to get into the moment and rhythm. When she’s ready, the hard fucking will send her into orgasm.  After her climax, her lover backs off, allowing her to catch her breath on the comedown before starting to build that intensity again. Those rolling waves of passion and dynamism, extended over time, tend to be a woman’s most memorable experiences. 

Other men, no matter how hard they try, can only last a few minutes being directly stimulated before they crash over the edge. Some are the tortoise, and some are the hare. Couples are increasingly solving this challenge with chastity, which is a valid but not the only option.

For the highly motivated but not genetically blessed, some men look to find ways to prolong the duration of pleasure through edging. 

What is Edging? 

For the uninitiated, edging is essentially a method of prolonging sexual pleasure by managing the stimulation, approaching orgasm, then taking the foot off the pedal just before orgasm. Think of the intensity of paddling down a river in a canoe towards a waterfall or set of rapids. The moment of anticipation just before you hit the first drop. The waterfall is the orgasm, its intensity can be indescribable, but the moment just before is special in its own way. Edging is trying to extend that pre-orgasmic state of pleasure where everything is intense but not crashing to a conclusion until you are sure no one in the room has anything left to give. 

Why Edging?

Cuckolding porn is available with a simple mouse click. You can find thousands of videos of varying lengths from 30 seconds to an hour to watch on the internet. But as easy as cuckolding porn is to find, it’s even easier to turn off when you cum. When masturbating alone, a cuck can watch only the most intense clips, cum in 2 mins, and get back to his day. 

Real-world cuckolding is not nearly as disposable. When sharing your partner with another man, the timeline of when it is over is up to him. They will find their groove, build their dynamics, hit their climax, and perhaps slow down, catch their breath and build up again.  You are strapped in another person’s boat, and you don’t get out of the water when you decide to go over the waterfall. You are along for the ride with them. 

So if you are conditioned to race to your orgasm as quickly as possible, you could be in for a long awkward time sitting around with a flaccid dick watching your partner continue to get her brains fucked out. What seemed super hot and sexy before you bust a nut might not seem nearly as interesting after. So prolonging and delaying your orgasm to time it with your partner is super important. 

How to Edge 

There is no magical secret to stamina or edging. Edging requires learning your own body’s signals, what your brain is doing, and truly being present in your body. A major challenge for premature ejaculators is being disconnected from their body, too much in their mind or visual stimulation. If you aren’t blessed with natural stamina and most men aren’t, then a lot of practice is required. 

Step 1: Sensual versus goal-oriented masturbation

Shift the mindset from masturbating for release to a mindset of embracing the sensations. Tell yourself it’s ok if you don’t even orgasm from this session alone; just feel your pleasure. 

Step 2: Remove the shame

Masturbation feels good, just like sex. There is nothing to be ashamed of when you take time to practice self-care. Think of it as going for a massage, or a good hot shower, or a great meal. Embrace your self-pleasure without obsessing about your orgasm. 

Step 3: Track your pleasure

As stated above, pleasure is a wave, build-up, climax, come down. The only way to extend that wave is to track it. Think of your pleasure on a scale. 1 is not thinking about sex at all; 100 is the most intense orgasm of your life. Where on that scale do you normally lose control and orgasm? By paying close attention to your sensations, you will be able to shift the pleasure not just for a longer duration but higher before crashing. Don’t let yourself get close until you absolutely can no longer stand it. Then look at how long you held out. Try to make that duration improve over time. 

Step 4: Forgive yourself – Just as it must be ok to lose when compared to her lovers, it has to be ok to fail when trying to delay orgasm. You are looking for an incremental improvement over a long period. The more you gain control over your own sensations, the better prepared you will be to be present while she’s experiencing pleasure. Your long-term goal should be a release with their final climax so that the entire room is filled with simultaneous orgasmic intensity right at the end.

[Guest Post] Wired to Compete – How Standard Western Masculinity Factors Into Cuckolding Issues

When looking at the cuckolding dynamic from different perspectives, a topic often brought up is the aspect of humiliation. The word humiliation carries all sorts of connotations, mostly negative. When we focus on the end state, shame, we are skipping to the end of a very human dynamic, that of competition. 

Humans, and especially men, are wired to compete. Competition is baked into a male from early in life, especially in the United States. Society raises boys to compete in sports, academics,  and even video games. Gambling is a form of competition. Venus mentioned on a recent podcast episode that cuckolding dynamics are most common in the United States. And that makes sense because the competition is a core value of America. 

And at the end of the day, as much as compersion is a driving factor in the lifestyle, it often pales in comparison to the sheer intensity of feeling the fight or flight trigger of having another man fuck your partner. 

So why does this trigger men?

So why does this trigger men, especially American men? The inherent challenge to someone’s manhood in 2021 and beyond is increasingly difficult for adult men to recapture. The challenge triggers a fight or flight feeling that sports and other outlets used to supply.  As much as sex is about intimacy and communication for women, there are genuine parallels to men’s athletics. But for the average, or even above average male, their athletic career ends in High School or, at best, college.  

The old ABC sports motto, “The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat,” captures the emotional stakes for so many men.  And this goes for both “Bull” and “Cuck.”  The Bull competes on safe ground, using an attached woman to recapture his glory days by reveling in his apparent physical superiority. 

The Cuckoldress glories..

The cuckoldress glories in the empowerment of having her cake and eating it too, knowing, on some level, she is the ultimate decider of who wins and who loses. She revels in the sheer physicality of her bull, knowing she can play the sexual game with him on a level that her partner cannot match. She gets to live in that rarified air of a kind of sex many other women only dream about.

The kind of sex women often think they had to give up in order to find the stability and emotional support of a reliable life partner. Guys who can fuck like her bull are harder to pin down, perhaps she chased that unicorn for years when younger only to feel like she had to sacrifice either stability or multiple orgasms. Venus speaks powerfully on why it is so enticing to women to have it all, even if it’s not all delivered by one single man. 

For the cuckold, he navigates the high wire emotions of immense stakes and has the emotional fortitude to endure the agony of defeat. This feeling of thrill and agony flips on its head when the bull leaves. The girlfriend returns to her partner, giving him the ultimate prize, the final victory. He may have lost the battle, but he’s won the war. 

About the author:

Will Acorn has lived the complex dynamics of the lifestyle for most of his sexual life. Will has been married to a Queen of Spades for 25 years. His life growing up as an elite athlete in a major inner city gave him a unique insight into the dynamics around this lifestyle from his teens. Acorn is a student of history, societies and cultures and is a strong proponent of Venus’ mission to empower women to take back their sexuality while improving communication, acceptance and understanding about the deeply fascinating aspects of non-monogamy.

Will Acorn on Twitter: https://twitter.com/acorn_will

Interracial Cuckolding – a sequel with TheBlackBull100

In my episode 6, Interracial Cuckolding, I read a quote from my friend about what goes through the mind of guys when they see their woman’s eyes wander to the hot black guy who just walked into the room – and judging from the overwhelming feedback I received from that quote it’s most guys feeling that way – I wanted to know what it’s like to be that hot black guy who walks into the room. Does he notice? How does that make him feel? So this episode I ask TheBlackBull100 exactly that.

It’s a glimpse into the life of a tall black bull in a sea of beautiful white married women who seek them out, some with Queen of Spades tattoos, and all whose husbands encourage them. It’s sexy, hot as fuck, and sooo interesting!

TheBlackBull100 on Twitter – https://twitter.com/theblackbull100


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