This is our first guest post from Will Acorn! If you’re interested in writing for the Venus Cuckoldress blog, you can find the guidelines here.
Healthy Communication with Your Partner About Their Past
For my first guest post I want to talk to partnered men who are curious about how to start the conversation with your wife. Venus and her podcast guests have talked many times about the importance of communication in this lifestyle, especially at the beginning. Venus has talked about the angst that some can feel heading down this road. I would humbly suggest that the best way to start talking about a future in cuckolding is to gently open up communication about the past.
Maybe you haven’t quite discussed all of your fantasies yet, and perhaps you worry she’ll judge you for thinking about what she experienced before you. Maybe you want to know how you compare. All of that is entirely normal for a couple, and women know it. It’s a hard conversation to start but crucial to setting the stage for exciting possibilities as a couple. If your partner is a keeper, she knows herself and her likes, but she may not know for sure you can handle the whole truth.
On this website, you see the power of an emboldened, unabashed and unapologetic woman on full display. Venus speaks truth to power when she boldly declares her love of the cuckolding dynamic. As part of her story, she has shared her journey to that world.
All Experience Is Good Experience
Women are cautious with what they divulge and their sexual history, preferences, and kinks for a good reason. Centuries of patriarchal societies have forced women to adapt to the default expectation of the deferential virgin bride. Historically our culture has instilled a set of perverse incentives and mixed messages on both women and men.
Women are taught to cater to the fragile male ego, which can be exhausting. But realistically, women have the same inherent drivers to have fulfilling sex lives as men do.
And quite frankly, a woman who knows what she likes and needs is a much better partner. However, for a woman to fully understand what she needs, she must have experience. All experience is good experience. Experience means your partner has learned herself, what works and what doesn’t. She can help you pleasure her in ways that inexperienced women simply can’t. Sometimes it’s as simple as a subtle cue to move just so, or a signal to stay right there, go a little faster, or a little more forcefully. And yes, sometimes you’ll find that she needs it a little deeper too, and that’s OK.
It’s More Common Than You Think
Again, consider how much pressure women feel to cater to the male ego and to tell him things that keep his spirits up. A demoralized lover is a lousy lover, so there is nothing nefarious about a woman downplaying other experiences she’s had.
Virtually every woman has been with a guy who lacked confidence in bed and could not handle anything but encouragement. These men missed the opportunity to get to know their partner on a deeper level. They also missed a chance to improve.
But just as most women have had a lousy lay, she’s probably had a fantastic one as well. If she captured your attention and devotion, then most likely, she caught the idea of someone in the past who possessed the skillsets and assets to rock her world. That is a GOOD thing!
Venus is open about her history with and preference for black men. The internet in 2021 has made it very easy to think that interracial sex is rare while also implying only certain women date black men. Both of these notions are incorrect. Depending on where you live and your social circle’s demographics, a woman dating interracially is widespread.
In the southern US, centuries of society add weight to the taboo. Still, women everywhere are likely far more open to the idea than you think.
Your partner is not immune to all the factors that attract women to black men. She may not volunteer that information. She likely thinks that most men cannot handle that kind of information by default. Or she thinks it’s such a loaded topic that she would have to tread very carefully into that conversation. You want to be the guy she feels she can be totally open with and not feel weird telling her most intimate thoughts and feelings.
Statistically, up to 52% of Millennials report having dated interracially. This is not some dark corner of the internet. In fact, you may want to ask yourself if you would like to date a person who wasn’t at least open to dating interracially in 2021.
Yes, She Enjoyed It, And That’s OK
So hopefully, she had one guy, black or not, blow her mind in bed. I promise she doesn’t view that as an attack on your manhood. Most likely, she considers it like a superb restaurant she ate at in the past. The menu was full of delectable items, and every visit was memorable.
Or perhaps she thinks about it like a fantastic vacation where she could be the most relaxed and adventurous version of herself, even if temporarily.
Regardless of how she views these experiences, they made her the woman you love. Life is a collection of experiences, and it’s OK to look fondly back on the good ones.
It Doesn’t Mean She Thinks About It… Much
As these topics slowly come up, most women will be cautious. Even if they admit to having had fantastic experiences, their instinct to protect your ego will push them to assure you that they don’t miss this.
Outside of masturbation, most women are very good at putting their past in the rearview. Women are generally better than men at focusing on the delicious possibilities they have in their future.
And this is a challenge for you. Every journey begins with a single step. For a couple considering this lifestyle, the first step should be acceptance and mutual understanding. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. So be patient, make your partner comfortable with sharing all of who she is and how she became the woman you love.
When she feels totally accepted for all of her adventures and preferences, she will likely be much more comfortable talking about her fantasies and yours. From that foundation of understanding, you can begin to talk about the possibilities for a future together. Discuss ways to borrow from past experiences to form a more perfect union.
About the author:
Will Acorn has lived the complex dynamics of the lifestyle for most of his sexual life. Will has been married to a Queen of Spades for 25 years. His life growing up as an elite athlete in a major inner city gave him a unique insight into the dynamics around this lifestyle from his teens. Acorn is a student of history, societies and cultures and is a strong proponent of Venus’ mission to empower women to take back their sexuality while improving communication, acceptance and understanding about the deeply fascinating aspects of non-monogamy.
Will Acorn on Twitter: https://twitter.com/acorn_will