[Guest Post] What goes on in my head in this lifestyle…

My husband asked me the other day what goes through my head when I’m meeting up with a bull. This should be an easy question I thought but I didn’t have an instant answer, for him. I knew I felt a complex set of emotions, mostly good ones, a huge sense of pleasure, and this excitement of being in this lifestyle. One of the things that draws me to this adventure is the complex mix of feelings and different connections that happen throughout an encounter. There is the connection to myself, my husband, and my bull. I’d just never put what goes on in my head to words before. It’s about time I change that.

For me an encounter starts days before even meeting up with my bull. I feel a sense of sexual desire. I find myself fantasizing about possibilities. Having a busy life, I tend to find myself suppressing these deliciously naughty thoughts. My hormones always get the better of me thankfully. The thoughts keep coming. My desire builds. I reach out to my bull. Usually by texting something benign but he knows me well. “How are you? Just thinking about you” very quickly turns in to reminiscing and sexting. I feel confident. Sophisticated in my ability to turn him on. I feel lust towards him. I feel love towards my husband for trusting me. For trusting our relationship. I feel young and vibrant inside. I feel sexy. I like knowing I’m building desire in my bull.

This build up before getting together is really important for my brain. I love the anticipation that develops from this foreplay. It creates distraction from my busy life. I will dress in more sexy attire. I’ll have more energy in my day to day conversations. I’m distracted but sharper at the same time. I’m turned on more than just at a sexual level. My husband will notice this. I like to tell him well before I have a date night so that I can enjoy the emotion he brings to the experience. We feed off each other’s sexual energy. I enjoy the feeling I get from teasing him. Little things like getting my hair done or nails done. He knows it’s not just for me but my bull too. I’ll make sure he sees me trying on new lingerie. He sees me work out that little bit harder. I feel his pride towards me but also that hint of jealousy. I like feeling in charge of my body. My sexuality.

Date night arrives. New emotions come flooding in. There is always that fear someone is going to discover this part of my life. Family, work, kids. Overwhelming sexual lust has always pushed right past any fear. I’m energized. I’m wet. I’m ready to fuck. Anticipation has turned to frustration and impatience. My fun can’t start soon enough. There is a part of me that worries I’m not good enough for this hard bodied younger stunningly hot man. Another part worries that what I’m doing just can’t be normal. But it feels so good for all three of us. This is our normal and I love it.

“There is a part of me that worries I’m not good enough for this hard bodied younger stunningly hot man. Another part worries that what I’m doing just can’t be normal. But it feels so good for all three of us. This is our normal and I love it.”

My husband likes to watch me get ready. I enjoy his gaze too. He knows not to touch me or himself. He walks me out to the car. We passionately kiss. We say a truly honest I love you and then I’m off. Driving to meet my bull is always a surreal time for me. I’m alone with my thoughts. I’m so turned on by this point. I’m in a very sexual headspace. I’m not thinking about all the complexities of life. I’m thinking about my pleasure. My bulls pleasure. What limit can I push to make this even better? What do I really want? I spend so much time looking after everyone else in my life and this is a time for my needs to be met. I worry I have it too good, the universe must need to balance things out. Will a bus hit me on the way to my hotel room? Why am I so lucky to be enjoying this. Shouldn’t I be feeling some guilt?

Walking in to the hotel lobby I feel strong. Sexy. Confident. Excited but calm. My husband has asked if I think about him once I’m there with my bull. Honestly the answer is no. It’s not that I don’t care about what he’s feeling. Quite the opposite. I know what really works for him and turns him on is if I’m fully engaged with my lover and myself. I’m being me. I’m not managing him. This part is my adventure. I’m having fun so that I can experience a full life. My husband gets to experience me afterwards.

One of the biggest benefits or feelings is that I’m in a safe place to be myself away from my home. I can be loud. No kids are going to walk in on me. Room service did walk in on me once while getting DP’d by my bull and his roommate but that’s another story! We can take our time to touch each other. To kiss. To suck. To be playful. It’s really satisfying sex. Passionate and raw. Sex with my husband is really intimate but this is different. My bulls have always been stronger. They fuck me with more intensity. I feel dirty and used in a good way. It’s a solid full body workout that gets us dripping in sweat. I feel lucky. Good sore. Full. So very full.

I’ve chosen a sex partner not a life partner for my bull. My bulls have been smart and funny – personality matters – but I’ve picked men mostly for their abilities in the bedroom. They have stamina. They have strength. They know how to fuck me. How to fuck me hard. I know I’m not committed to them forever. Nor they to me. Our relationship is 90% about sex and not bogged down with normal relationship issues. We have no mortgage, taxes, business, or child challenges to navigate. We have to simply decide if we fuck on the bed or bent over the couch? Do I want my ass filled or my face fucked? While grabbing a drink in the lobby bar do we let the cute guy at the table across from us watch my bull finger my pussy? Really deep challenging issues! It is so freeing to be in this relationship for the night.

There is a moment of intense intimacy when my bull finally releases inside of me. We usually slow our fucking down. He pushes deeply in to me. Really filling me. I kiss him as he unloads in to my body. I love the connection we have in that moment. I love the lust in his eyes. I love his understanding of this whole dynamic. Once we’ve caught our breath he withdraws out of me carefully. He knows it’s important for his seed not to all come out. He carefully pulls my panties back on to me to help keep our climax inside my body. It’s at this point I think of my husband. Truly the most most important person in my life. Our trust and love has allowed me this pleasure. I’ve been masterfully fucked for hours because of that bond and trust.

The drive back home is always longer it seems. I have this huge desire to connect with him. To show him my love for him. To share my experience. To see that desperate need he has to fuck me. It feels so good to see him so turned on. I like how hard he is. How ready he is to unload. Often I will climb up on our bed on my stomach, a pillow underneath me, presenting my well used body to him. I like feeling his jealousy. I like being in charge of how many details I give to him about my night. In this moment his only thought is of what I’ve done this evening. I like being his only focus. His need to get off. The power dynamic between us is intense. I like that his pleasure comes from my pleasure earlier in the night.

Sometimes he will clean me up. I truthfully have mixed feelings about this. I feel badly I’m such a mess for him. I worry he’s doing it for me even though he insists it’s for him. I like the pleasure his mouth brings to me. What I really crave is his cock inside of me. I want his cum in me. I want his cum to fill me like my bulls did. I don’t want him locked up. I want to use his cock for more pleasure. That feeling of him unable to hold back. Him wrapping his arms around me absolutely satisfied. Falling asleep with both their orgasms inside of me. Complete bliss.

I’m sure what goes through my head isn’t going to be the same for all women in this lifestyle. I would encourage women who are thinking about doing this and have hesitations to take that plunge. It’s a journey full of emotions but the connections and intimacy that comes from all of this is truly magical.

Simone

About the author

Aaron & Simone are a couple who have been transitioning into a cuckold lifestyle over the last 10 years. They are in their 40’s, have a busy family and busy jobs, and busy life, and they keep this fun kink discrete. They are a physician and psychologist who love to communicate and share with others. They’ve learned a lot over the years and want to share whatever they can to help others.