[Guest Post] What goes on in my head in this lifestyle…

My husband asked me the other day what goes through my head when I’m meeting up with a bull. This should be an easy question I thought but I didn’t have an instant answer, for him. I knew I felt a complex set of emotions, mostly good ones, a huge sense of pleasure, and this excitement of being in this lifestyle. One of the things that draws me to this adventure is the complex mix of feelings and different connections that happen throughout an encounter. There is the connection to myself, my husband, and my bull. I’d just never put what goes on in my head to words before. It’s about time I change that.

For me an encounter starts days before even meeting up with my bull. I feel a sense of sexual desire. I find myself fantasizing about possibilities. Having a busy life, I tend to find myself suppressing these deliciously naughty thoughts. My hormones always get the better of me thankfully. The thoughts keep coming. My desire builds. I reach out to my bull. Usually by texting something benign but he knows me well. “How are you? Just thinking about you” very quickly turns in to reminiscing and sexting. I feel confident. Sophisticated in my ability to turn him on. I feel lust towards him. I feel love towards my husband for trusting me. For trusting our relationship. I feel young and vibrant inside. I feel sexy. I like knowing I’m building desire in my bull.

This build up before getting together is really important for my brain. I love the anticipation that develops from this foreplay. It creates distraction from my busy life. I will dress in more sexy attire. I’ll have more energy in my day to day conversations. I’m distracted but sharper at the same time. I’m turned on more than just at a sexual level. My husband will notice this. I like to tell him well before I have a date night so that I can enjoy the emotion he brings to the experience. We feed off each other’s sexual energy. I enjoy the feeling I get from teasing him. Little things like getting my hair done or nails done. He knows it’s not just for me but my bull too. I’ll make sure he sees me trying on new lingerie. He sees me work out that little bit harder. I feel his pride towards me but also that hint of jealousy. I like feeling in charge of my body. My sexuality.

Date night arrives. New emotions come flooding in. There is always that fear someone is going to discover this part of my life. Family, work, kids. Overwhelming sexual lust has always pushed right past any fear. I’m energized. I’m wet. I’m ready to fuck. Anticipation has turned to frustration and impatience. My fun can’t start soon enough. There is a part of me that worries I’m not good enough for this hard bodied younger stunningly hot man. Another part worries that what I’m doing just can’t be normal. But it feels so good for all three of us. This is our normal and I love it.

“There is a part of me that worries I’m not good enough for this hard bodied younger stunningly hot man. Another part worries that what I’m doing just can’t be normal. But it feels so good for all three of us. This is our normal and I love it.”

My husband likes to watch me get ready. I enjoy his gaze too. He knows not to touch me or himself. He walks me out to the car. We passionately kiss. We say a truly honest I love you and then I’m off. Driving to meet my bull is always a surreal time for me. I’m alone with my thoughts. I’m so turned on by this point. I’m in a very sexual headspace. I’m not thinking about all the complexities of life. I’m thinking about my pleasure. My bulls pleasure. What limit can I push to make this even better? What do I really want? I spend so much time looking after everyone else in my life and this is a time for my needs to be met. I worry I have it too good, the universe must need to balance things out. Will a bus hit me on the way to my hotel room? Why am I so lucky to be enjoying this. Shouldn’t I be feeling some guilt?

Walking in to the hotel lobby I feel strong. Sexy. Confident. Excited but calm. My husband has asked if I think about him once I’m there with my bull. Honestly the answer is no. It’s not that I don’t care about what he’s feeling. Quite the opposite. I know what really works for him and turns him on is if I’m fully engaged with my lover and myself. I’m being me. I’m not managing him. This part is my adventure. I’m having fun so that I can experience a full life. My husband gets to experience me afterwards.

One of the biggest benefits or feelings is that I’m in a safe place to be myself away from my home. I can be loud. No kids are going to walk in on me. Room service did walk in on me once while getting DP’d by my bull and his roommate but that’s another story! We can take our time to touch each other. To kiss. To suck. To be playful. It’s really satisfying sex. Passionate and raw. Sex with my husband is really intimate but this is different. My bulls have always been stronger. They fuck me with more intensity. I feel dirty and used in a good way. It’s a solid full body workout that gets us dripping in sweat. I feel lucky. Good sore. Full. So very full.

I’ve chosen a sex partner not a life partner for my bull. My bulls have been smart and funny – personality matters – but I’ve picked men mostly for their abilities in the bedroom. They have stamina. They have strength. They know how to fuck me. How to fuck me hard. I know I’m not committed to them forever. Nor they to me. Our relationship is 90% about sex and not bogged down with normal relationship issues. We have no mortgage, taxes, business, or child challenges to navigate. We have to simply decide if we fuck on the bed or bent over the couch? Do I want my ass filled or my face fucked? While grabbing a drink in the lobby bar do we let the cute guy at the table across from us watch my bull finger my pussy? Really deep challenging issues! It is so freeing to be in this relationship for the night.

There is a moment of intense intimacy when my bull finally releases inside of me. We usually slow our fucking down. He pushes deeply in to me. Really filling me. I kiss him as he unloads in to my body. I love the connection we have in that moment. I love the lust in his eyes. I love his understanding of this whole dynamic. Once we’ve caught our breath he withdraws out of me carefully. He knows it’s important for his seed not to all come out. He carefully pulls my panties back on to me to help keep our climax inside my body. It’s at this point I think of my husband. Truly the most most important person in my life. Our trust and love has allowed me this pleasure. I’ve been masterfully fucked for hours because of that bond and trust.

The drive back home is always longer it seems. I have this huge desire to connect with him. To show him my love for him. To share my experience. To see that desperate need he has to fuck me. It feels so good to see him so turned on. I like how hard he is. How ready he is to unload. Often I will climb up on our bed on my stomach, a pillow underneath me, presenting my well used body to him. I like feeling his jealousy. I like being in charge of how many details I give to him about my night. In this moment his only thought is of what I’ve done this evening. I like being his only focus. His need to get off. The power dynamic between us is intense. I like that his pleasure comes from my pleasure earlier in the night.

Sometimes he will clean me up. I truthfully have mixed feelings about this. I feel badly I’m such a mess for him. I worry he’s doing it for me even though he insists it’s for him. I like the pleasure his mouth brings to me. What I really crave is his cock inside of me. I want his cum in me. I want his cum to fill me like my bulls did. I don’t want him locked up. I want to use his cock for more pleasure. That feeling of him unable to hold back. Him wrapping his arms around me absolutely satisfied. Falling asleep with both their orgasms inside of me. Complete bliss.

I’m sure what goes through my head isn’t going to be the same for all women in this lifestyle. I would encourage women who are thinking about doing this and have hesitations to take that plunge. It’s a journey full of emotions but the connections and intimacy that comes from all of this is truly magical.

Simone

About the author

Aaron & Simone are a couple who have been transitioning into a cuckold lifestyle over the last 10 years. They are in their 40’s, have a busy family and busy jobs, and busy life, and they keep this fun kink discrete. They are a physician and psychologist who love to communicate and share with others. They’ve learned a lot over the years and want to share whatever they can to help others.

Understanding Motivations

Often lost in the discussion of fantasies are the motivations. Men usually focus on the who, what, when, where, and how. But don’t overlook the why. When discussing this topic with women, the first question many of them will have is, “why would you want me to do this?” And that is an essential question. 

If you look into the horror stories of cuckolding gone wrong, you can often trace it back to misaligned priorities and motivations to begin. Venus and her guests really hammer home the notion that this lifestyle must be about her, and for a good reason. When the north star is the same for both partners, when it’s solely about her exploration and pleasure, this lifestyle’s complexities become easier to navigate together. 

Presented without judgment are some potentially problematic motivations for a cuckold: 

You are secretly bisexual

There is nothing wrong with bisexuality. The problem word is secret. If you are using cuckolding as a way to safely and without shame explore your bisexual side, with a female partner there to make it “not gay” then expect problems. Right off the bat, this comes off as being about you and not her. 

You want to control

Again, if this is about you wanting to feel power and dominance over two other human beings, you ask for problems. I get the appeal of being a private porn director, but here’s the problem, you are trying to feel like the alpha in the room while bringing a well-hung bull with a massive ego of his own and giving him access to your partner’s body. If he is experienced and talented, you are likely in for a rude awakening about who is in charge. This is one of that those that have true nightmare potential, as seen in the news recently. 

You are fragile

As stated in previous posts, this lifestyle is not for the faint of heart. There are many reasonably safe ways to explore submissiveness, and this one could be perfect, as long as everyone knows it going in. Most partners will be delighted (some thrilled) with exploring the limits of your submissiveness. The only challenge here potentially is if you are submissive and fragile. If the idea of being dominated, teased, and helplessly outperformed appeals to you in private, then you should find a way to slowly test your limits until you are sure you can handle it. Even the most tender and compliant man has an ego, and it’s hard to predict what happens when that ego is crushed. 

You want proof she’s a slut

Look, it’s very sexy to explore a woman’s slutty side. Some partnered women indeed are sluts that just decided to settle down with a nice guy. It’s a pervasive fear for men that they are the guy she settled for, but secretly she wants all the hot men out there. If this is your suspicion about your wife, then talk to her about her past. Advice for how here: https://venuscuckoldress.com/past-as-prologue/  What you shouldn’t do is use this as a trap to prove your paranoia and insecurities to be well-founded. This will never prove anything. I promise because her reasons for agreeing to this almost certainly have less to do with her being an unrepentant slut than her wanting to find creative ways to enhance your relationship. Statistically speaking, if she’s a slut, she’s likely cheated on you already. 

So what are some good reasons? 

You feel the passion fading

This happens, it’s natural and expected. After an initial honeymoon period, most couples reach a point where the essential exploration of each other’s wants and needs hits that 80/20 rule. This is the point where it’s often a great idea to introduce toys, fantasies, and yes, maybe even other people. It is the exact right time to communicate more about your wants and needs and push past the lull in the sex life. 

You reach the limits of your ability to please her

You’ve explored, gotten creative, tried it all, but you sense, and she admits that there is an itch you just can’t quite scratch. You’ve been attempting toys, and they are great, but not the same. Most women have limits they want to be pushed. While sex with you is a lovely, pleasing, and fantastic day to day, there are times when she needs to be taken into a different realm, shattered into a thousand pieces, and have you after that to help put her back together. 

You are both true extroverts

Extroverts are energized by interacting with other people. Monogamy and extroversion can be a challenge for many people. Bringing in other partners can be a way to draw energy and electricity from others. An experienced bull can provide that sexual energy to the room, and two extroverts may revel in that extremely heightened environment. 

She’s an exhibitionist

Maybe she just likes showing off, and wearing a bikini on the beach isn’t quite enough anymore. Maybe she reveled in the looks guys gave her on the beach when younger, but it can’t be beach weather all year long. Perhaps she’s done fashion shows for you alone, your private dancer, but she needs a new prop. She really loves how she looks when in the throws of passion and wants you to see that other side of her from across the room. If this is the case, ask her if she wants you to bring a camera. 

So, in summary, the possibilities are endless on how to execute this lifestyle. Before you do, make sure you and your partner both understand the motivations for why you each want this in your life. When you both understand why, the what, who, when, where, and how will be the easy part. 

Historical Context For Chastity

Does the modern notion of chastity, caging, and cuckoldry, replace the very ancient concept of the Eunuch? What is a Eunuch, and is a chastity cage simply a modern solution to an age-old challenge?

The dictionary definition of Eunuch is eu·nuch

/ˈyo͞onək/

Learn to pronounce

noun

  1. a man who has been castrated, especially (in the past) one employed to guard the women’s living areas at an imperial court.
  • an ineffectual person.

The Greek translation, eunouchosmeans (1) chamberlain, keeper of the bed-chamber of an eastern ruler, (2) a castrated person, or one who voluntarily abstains from marriage.

Ancient Origins

Ancient human societies deal with the power imbalance of social hierarchies in various ways. Eunuchs played a crucial role in societies as recently as the Ottoman empire. 

The concept of Harems, involved royal male at the top of the social hierarchy having many wives. This was a construct that developed as humans transitioned from hunter-gatherer to agrarian cultures. In nomadic bands, concepts such as ownership and property did not exist. But as humans settled down into geography, power structures, primarily patriarchal, began to develop. 

As those social hierarchies began to take form, the simple math dictated that other men must go without for a single man to have many lovers. Enter the Eunuch. 

The Eunuch in Eastern Empires

Dating back at least 4000yrs, Eunuchs served as court administrators, government officials, and harem minders. These ‘eunuchs’ established role was as “bed chamber attendants” in the imperial palace. Eunuchs were valued as “being good with respect to the mind,” based on their “being deprived of intercourse. The Ancients said Intercourse creates irrational behavior. (sound familiar?)

Eunuchs supposedly did not generally have loyalties to the military, the aristocracy, or a family of their own (having neither offspring nor in-laws, at the very least). Emperors and others viewed Eunuchs as trustworthy. The perception was they would be less interested in establishing a private ‘dynasty.’ Because their condition usually lowered their social status. Eunuchs were easily replaced without repercussion. In cultures that had both harems and eunuchs, eunuchs often served as harem servants.

The old testament has 45 references to Eunuchs. 

And some of your descendants, your own flesh and blood who will be born to you, will be taken away, and they will become eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon.” (Isaiah 39:7)

Chastity and Cuckoldry 

Our modern age is decidedly euro-centric. European culture followed a different path than eastern cultures. Monogamy is primarily a European ideal perpetuated by the roman catholic church. The appeal of a 1 for one monogamous pair bonding was obvious. Think of this social compact as sort of a chicken in every pot promise for a growing religion spreading through the European continent that had primarily been matriarchal and druidic. 

In many ways, it appealed to men on all levels of society that they too could possess a mate. But again, it comes from a patriarchal point of view.

We enter into an era of female empowerment. Women finally gain genuine autonomy over who they choose as partners. They break the bonds of social constructs that treated them as possessions for ages. 

But the recent explosion of chastity and open cuckoldry evokes ancient notions of the bed-chamber attendants. The Bull serves, for one night (or many) as the Emperor, the chastity cage is a non-surgical method of castration. Still, it produces the same reliable, trustworthy and compliant dynamic. 

References:

Acts 8:26–40 Bible Study Summary: Warren Camp | Hearty Boys. https://www.warrencampdesign.com/acts/part1/week15.php

Isaiah 39:7 NKJV – ‘And they shall take away… | Biblia. https://biblia.com/bible/nkjv/isaiah/39/7

[Guest Post] Health Benefits of Cuckolding

I’ll be honest. We didn’t embark on this journey because of the health benefits. There were lots of other aspects that drew us towards cuckolding. Enhanced connection between each other. Excitement. Escape. The fun of dirty erotic delicious sex. As a doctor I’m never far away from thinking about biology and health and as our journey progressed I got to thinking that there had to be some biochemical change that made this life so enjoyable.

Dopamine is the reward molecule in our brain that makes us feel pleasure. It motivates us to repeat a specific behaviour that is enjoyable. Knowing my wife was having great sex, her bringing that passion home afterwards, the eroticism of it all.  Pleasure. Dopamine release. This seemed too simplistic though. We weren’t just enjoying ourselves in this life. We were happier. We had more energy. We had more drive. We slept better. Lying in bed one night after a particularly good night of cucking (she’d had her bull and his roommate fuck her for hours followed by clean up and more sex with me) we talked about all the emotions around the experience. She realized something she’d never really put in to words before. She had this clarity of thought. It was almost as if she had some heightened cognitive ability. It’s hard to even put in to words. She just seemed smarter.

Semen is an amazing thing. It contains many healthy molecules and hormones. One in particular – Nerve Growth Factor (NGF) – can actually enhance cognition. It helps nerves grow and repair themselves. It has anti-inflammatory properties. When we gain weight and don’t exercise our levels of NGF drop. This can actually drop our cognitive skills. Ingesting semen can boost levels of NGF. Swallowing semen probably isn’t as effective as absorption through the vagina and uterus. Acid in the stomach might break the molecule down. As much as a good blow job or anal sex is fun evolution did optimize reproduction and semen for release in to the vagina. When a man ejaculates in to a woman all of the hormones contained in semen are released into her providing physiologic benefit.

Testosterone also increases our cognition but also our focus and drive. It is one of the main factors determining sex drive. It boosts our mood and energy. Semen is full of testosterone. Fortunately this molecule isn’t broken down in the stomach acid so blow jobs are still a health benefit. Now you might be thinking semen sounds great but what does this have to do with cuckolding? Why not just have 1:1 sex and still get the same benefits? Fair enough.

Most men are excited by the idea of their wife or girlfriend being with another guy. If you weren’t you probably wouldn’t be reading this post. When a man thinks about his wife with another man his testosterone increases. His erections are stronger. His drive is higher. He is competing for his wife. His biology responds by raising his own testosterone. Knowing another man has ejaculated in to his wife and that she has thoroughly enjoyed herself takes things to an even higher level. Being cuckolded will dramatically raise your testosterone levels. The concentration of testosterone in your semen will also markedly increase. It’s not just testosterone but also oxytocin, endorphins, serotonin, and the list goes on. That delay in reaching your own climax – that oh so painful wait while your wife is spreading herself for a fit attractive endowed bull, getting filled and fucked hard – you are building up testosterone among other hormones. Her bull pumping her full of cum is pumping both her and the cuck full of testosterone.

You can start to see the cascade effect here. Healthier semen full of more hormones that you are then releasing in to your wife. But you are just one person giving her this benefit. Her bull or bulls are doing the same. And the bulls out there know this is a fun lifestyle that also raises your testosterone. More testosterone and healthy hormones for the cuckoldress from multiple sources. She gets more benefit than semen from a single source. It doesn’t stop there. One of the most rewarding aspects of this cuckold relationship is the cleanup. I always would feel this boost in mood and energy after cleaning up my wife when she comes home from a night of passion. Of course it’s a more emotionally complex process than just some hormones but the semen in the clean up does contain a lot of testosterone that gets absorbed in to the guy enjoying tasting his wife’s earlier fun. Those nights I’ve enjoyed cleaning her up after she’s been with her bull and his roommate when she’s that extra full and satisfied even after I’ve cum I find I have an erection most of the night and in to the next day. Testosterone I’ve swallowed is part of the reason.

I know the biochemistry of it all can seem somewhat boring but we really are just a collection of chemicals and molecules. It’s fascinating to think about some of the biology behind cuckolding. Maybe it’s even an ice breaker with your partner to open up about some of your own desires about this lifestyle. Talk about some of the benefits you’ve read about semen. Bridge that in to discussing benefits of semen from another source. Remember though semen can also contain STDs and being safe is important. We only play unprotected with bulls we trust and who have been tested. Nothing kills drive and mood faster than an infection you sure don’t want!

Stay safe out there and get that semen in to you. Both of you.

Aaron and Simone

About the author

Aaron & Simone are a couple who have been transitioning into a cuckold lifestyle over the last 10 years. They are in their 40’s, have a busy family and busy jobs, and busy life, and they keep this fun kink discrete. They are a physician and psychologist who love to communicate and share with others. They’ve learned a lot over the years and want to share whatever they can to help others.

The Edge of Glory – Extending Your Fun

Too often, our conversations around sex, for women and men, is about “cumming”, how many times and how intense. For many men, masturbation early in life was a sprint to the finish before they get caught.  Edging is a way to extend the fun for all.

Lost in all of the size matters discussions is the concept of stamina. Stamina can mean many things, but in most cases, it means the time a man can sustain an erection before needing a break. Typically that break comes after ejaculation or orgasm. Some men are blessed with the superpower (usually when young) to maintain an erection post-orgasm. Still, for most, the orgasm signals the end of the fun. 

Some men can slow build-up from foreplay to stimulation via sex and maintain a flow for significant periods to allow their partner to experience her pleasure, orgasm, and perhaps multiple orgasms before allowing himself to orgasm himself. 

Why it Matters

Most women love a guy who can play with dynamics of varying intensities. For many, The best sex starts slow to get into the moment and rhythm. When she’s ready, the hard fucking will send her into orgasm.  After her climax, her lover backs off, allowing her to catch her breath on the comedown before starting to build that intensity again. Those rolling waves of passion and dynamism, extended over time, tend to be a woman’s most memorable experiences. 

Other men, no matter how hard they try, can only last a few minutes being directly stimulated before they crash over the edge. Some are the tortoise, and some are the hare. Couples are increasingly solving this challenge with chastity, which is a valid but not the only option.

For the highly motivated but not genetically blessed, some men look to find ways to prolong the duration of pleasure through edging. 

What is Edging? 

For the uninitiated, edging is essentially a method of prolonging sexual pleasure by managing the stimulation, approaching orgasm, then taking the foot off the pedal just before orgasm. Think of the intensity of paddling down a river in a canoe towards a waterfall or set of rapids. The moment of anticipation just before you hit the first drop. The waterfall is the orgasm, its intensity can be indescribable, but the moment just before is special in its own way. Edging is trying to extend that pre-orgasmic state of pleasure where everything is intense but not crashing to a conclusion until you are sure no one in the room has anything left to give. 

Why Edging?

Cuckolding porn is available with a simple mouse click. You can find thousands of videos of varying lengths from 30 seconds to an hour to watch on the internet. But as easy as cuckolding porn is to find, it’s even easier to turn off when you cum. When masturbating alone, a cuck can watch only the most intense clips, cum in 2 mins, and get back to his day. 

Real-world cuckolding is not nearly as disposable. When sharing your partner with another man, the timeline of when it is over is up to him. They will find their groove, build their dynamics, hit their climax, and perhaps slow down, catch their breath and build up again.  You are strapped in another person’s boat, and you don’t get out of the water when you decide to go over the waterfall. You are along for the ride with them. 

So if you are conditioned to race to your orgasm as quickly as possible, you could be in for a long awkward time sitting around with a flaccid dick watching your partner continue to get her brains fucked out. What seemed super hot and sexy before you bust a nut might not seem nearly as interesting after. So prolonging and delaying your orgasm to time it with your partner is super important. 

How to Edge 

There is no magical secret to stamina or edging. Edging requires learning your own body’s signals, what your brain is doing, and truly being present in your body. A major challenge for premature ejaculators is being disconnected from their body, too much in their mind or visual stimulation. If you aren’t blessed with natural stamina and most men aren’t, then a lot of practice is required. 

Step 1: Sensual versus goal-oriented masturbation

Shift the mindset from masturbating for release to a mindset of embracing the sensations. Tell yourself it’s ok if you don’t even orgasm from this session alone; just feel your pleasure. 

Step 2: Remove the shame

Masturbation feels good, just like sex. There is nothing to be ashamed of when you take time to practice self-care. Think of it as going for a massage, or a good hot shower, or a great meal. Embrace your self-pleasure without obsessing about your orgasm. 

Step 3: Track your pleasure

As stated above, pleasure is a wave, build-up, climax, come down. The only way to extend that wave is to track it. Think of your pleasure on a scale. 1 is not thinking about sex at all; 100 is the most intense orgasm of your life. Where on that scale do you normally lose control and orgasm? By paying close attention to your sensations, you will be able to shift the pleasure not just for a longer duration but higher before crashing. Don’t let yourself get close until you absolutely can no longer stand it. Then look at how long you held out. Try to make that duration improve over time. 

Step 4: Forgive yourself – Just as it must be ok to lose when compared to her lovers, it has to be ok to fail when trying to delay orgasm. You are looking for an incremental improvement over a long period. The more you gain control over your own sensations, the better prepared you will be to be present while she’s experiencing pleasure. Your long-term goal should be a release with their final climax so that the entire room is filled with simultaneous orgasmic intensity right at the end.