How Natural Is Monogamy?

Western society treats monogamous marriage as the default relationship style for humanity. For thousands of years, the fantasy of the prince and princess, nuclear family has proliferated. Shame, humiliation, and social ostracism have been used as weapons of control for those who don’t easily align to the “norm”. The reality is, Monogamy is far less normal or natural for humans than most want you to believe.

History and our biology suggest that the estimated 55% of adults to admit to infidelity are simply the more honest among us. Eurasian patriarchal imperialism has conditioned us to ignore the anthropological and biological evidence even while our bodies and minds are driving us to notice attractive potential mates.

Anthropology Meets Biology

Looking at this from an anthropological point of view, per studies, just 9 percent of mammals are monogamous. Among primates, humanity’s closest relative, just 29 percent are. Before Western imperialism, just 16 percent of indigenous human societies were monogamous. 84 percent of ancient societies included acceptance and normalized non-monogamy.

From a biological standpoint, research suggests that the penis evolved in its shape to act as a “semen displacement device” built to displace other men’s semen. The phenotype only confers an evolutionary advantage in a non-monogamous culture. Simply put, if a woman is only sleeping with one man, then there is no advantage to semen displacement. In fact, quite the opposite. The shape of the penis itself indicates non-monogamy in our species.

An academic team from the State University of New York theorizes that the thrust of the penis during sex may help to clear a woman’s reproductive system of a previous lover’s semen. Not all animals have sex the way humans do, with a thrusting motion in and out. The primary benefits of the thrust come down to increasing pleasure for both partners and, according to research, displacing competitor sperm.

Stamina variations in men, likewise, indicate that monogamy is not our default state. Think about this for a moment. If humans were genuinely monogamous, what is the evolutionary advantage to having sex for 30 minutes before ejaculation? How would it confer an advantage over 2 minutes? Simply put, it would not confer an advantage in a monogamous couple.

But now consider a non-monogamous culture. If the male knows that he is competing with other males, the longer he can thrust with his specialized-shaped penis, the more competing sperm he can displace before depositing his own. This creates an evolutionary advantage.

So then why wouldn’t all men evolve to be marathon men? Well, let’s look at it from a different perspective. In most highly social mammalian cultures that are not monogamous, you have a hierarchy of males from Alpha to Betas and beyond. For the Alpha male, who has no threat to be chased off or attacked while having sex, the advantage is to last as long as possible.

For the betas, however, it’s a totally different story. The best chance at procreating is to get in and get out, depositing his semen as quickly as possible, before being chased off by another competing male. Lasting 30minutes is an evolutionary dead-end for a non-alpha male.

Culture is King

Stepping back from the dry biology and anthropology, let’s look at the sociological side. How did we get from 16% monogamy to a society that stigmatizes anyone who does not practice pair bonding?

The Alpha/Beta dynamics are instructive. Until 6000yrs ago or so, humans were primarily hunter-gatherers. Nomadic in Europe mostly following the roaming herds of animals, with more available local flora and fauna in Asia and Africa. As our societies have evolved from a world of emperors, kings, and dictators, we see that monogamy becomes an attractive feature for culture aligned to a more egalitarian form. Just as the New Deal promised a chicken in every pot, I think societies have evolved to deal with the single male problem by promoting a one woman, one man culture.

As humans evolved from hunter-gatherer societies to agrarian settlements, concepts of ownership and property began to form. We think of property as a fundamental aspect of humanity, but in reality, there was no need for ownership of land or another person prior to humanity settling down in one place. As humans started to work the land and cultivate crops, they needed to protect those efforts and labors by ensuring that no one else came at harvest time and just took the crops.

As this dynamic started to settle in, it was a slippery slope into ownership of property, tools, and eventually people. As humans became more and more specialized in the crops they raised or the type of animals they raised, they needed to create economic systems to trade their surpluses for other staples needed in everyday life. So a person with milk cows trades with a wheat farmer.

Around this time, surpluses became crucial, and labor was the primary constraint to creating surpluses in society. There were two primary mechanisms in a pre-currency world to acquire labor. 1. Family 2. Subjugation and Slavery. Those who preferred option 2 created the modern imperialism that has created the concept of the nation-state. Those who preferred building family needed to ensure that they could reliably count on building a labor force of familial kin. Enter the concept of Monogamy, roughly 6000yrs ago or so….

Size As A Sign

And an argument could be made that penis size is also evidence of variations in patriarchal control of female sexuality. This may be controversial, but consider the lack of evolutionary advantage of a larger penis in a society where women were treated as property. Penis size as a sexual selection trait evaporates in those societies such as Europe and Asia which are highly patriarchal.

In other societies, where women were free to choose their partners, there is evidence that penis size has grown over millions of years to far larger than any other primate species. Sexual selection is a powerfully compounding force in nature, resulting in bright plumage in birds, for example. But it also manifests in many other aspects with a limited functional purpose other than attractiveness to a mate.

If you are monogamous, this is not intended to tell you that you are wrong. But if you have long felt the draw to others and felt shame for not feeling like it was ok to be attracted to others, just know that you are not the weirdo. Society moved in a weird way over time.

As the imperial age has slowly been winding to a close, and humanity becomes more egalitarian and less patriarchal, can we expect to see non-monogamy make a comeback? I would say we are well into that correction already.

Some would say society is breaking down, but a real case can be made that we are swinging back to our more natural state. And for those on the vanguard, take heart that history is on your side.

Yes Size Matters: But Why?

Society has been constructed around the male ego, so it shouldn’t come as any surprise that “size doesn’t matter” is a phrase that women are raised to say. But when you step back a bit from the Eurocentric patriarchal perspective, it looks ridiculous as a statement. Of course, size matters.

Saying size doesn’t matter tends to be an analog for a woman saying, “I value many things when looking for a life partner.” The connotation is true, even if it is factually incorrect. To say size doesn’t matter in sex is akin to saying height doesn’t matter in basketball. Yes, some of the most outstanding players in NBA history were not over 7 feet tall, but generally speaking, if you want to play the game at the highest levels, you will need to be above average height.

The Average male in 2021 is 5’10” tall. Let’s just continue the thought exercise for a moment and look at the best players in NBA history (in no particular order, please don’t argue over this list).

  • Lebron James 6’8″
  • Michael Jordan 6’6″
  • Kareem Abdul Jabaar 7’2″
  • Wilt Chamberlain 7’1″
  • Kobe Bryant 6’6″

So to be the best of the best, it helps to have a size or athleticism advantage; this is not controversial. So why is it controversial to admit that sex, one of our most intense physical activities, has a physical component? Hint: It shouldn’t be taboo to admit.

But Why Does It Matter?

Here is a quick top 10 reasons why bigger dicks confer a fundamental advantage during sexual encounters.

  1. Positional Versatility – We all have our favorite positions, and those may vary depending on the partner and how your bodies fit together. However, there is no arguing that extra length can really open up some more options for positions that are either not mutually satisfying, or simply not possible for smaller men.
  2. Visual Appeal – Men are thought of as the more visual gender, but women are not immune to the site of a good body, good abs and yes, a big dick. There is just a power and sense of awe that someone can get when in the presence of something immense.
  3. Objectivity and Comparison – Perhaps my most controversial statement of this post, but women are the worlds best shoppers, selectors and curators of quality. Women are fully capable of incorporating many subjective factors into their emotional attachments to a men, but they also have egos that are deeply drawn to knowing they can attract the best of the best. For all of the subjective factors in a relationship, certain measureables such as height, income and yes, size can make a woman feel like she’s found a catch.
  4. Going Deep – Ok fellas this one might hurt, but there are places inside her that not all guys can reach. When properly aroused, and when properly timed, touching her in places most men cant reach will elicit a response in her that is visceral. Don’t believe me? Here’s an exercise to try. Next time you are having sex with a woman, try using all but 2″ of your penis during the first 5-10mins of intercourse. Watch her response, look for the subtle signals, is she aching for more? Is she really getting into it? Is she pushing her hips against you? Ok now when she’s into it, thrust everything you have into her, all the way to the hilt. Watch her reaction now. Different? yeah…… Well that’s probably how she is when she get’s 2″ bigger than you.
  5. Stamina Advantages – There is some thinking that a man has only so many nerve endings in his penis and that larger size doesn’t equate to more nerves, but more space in between nerve endings. This can result in a couple of advantages such as increased confidence and control. It’s not that sex is less pleasurable for larger men, but it’s more controllable. In general, there is some correlation between size and stamina.
  6. The Home Stretch – It’s not all about length, good girth can give a woman a feeling of having her labia stretched. Many women report this feeling of being stretched as being as intense as deep penetration. Girth Matters.
  7. The Danger – Remember when I said “When properly aroused, and when properly timed, touching her in places most men cant reach will elicit a response in her that is visceral.”? Well many women know what it’s like to be painfully penetrated when they aren’t ready. They know they are playing a dangerous game with a big one and if angled wrong, or timed wrong the big dick can really HURT! So it makes that moment when she takes the leap of faith to fully receive him, all of him, into her deepest and most vulnerable sanctum, all the more intense. Those high stakes can increase the intensity of the moment, making things feel more heightened than a normal casual fuck session. This is the high wire act.
  8. Societal Rebellion – As stated in the opening, a girl is told from an early age she shouldn’t care about things like penis size. That’s not what good girls care about. Admitting she likes it is an act of punk rock rebellion. A fuck you to the patriarchy. She likes fucking, she likes sex and she likes big dick, get over it!
  9. Sexual Selection – Let’s go back to #3 again. Darwinian theory of evolution states that certain genetic traits are advantageous for procreation and therefore become preferred among the females of the species. There is a certain symbology of the phallus that has existed in artwork dating back to Babylonian eras 6000yrs. Just as the plumage of the male Peacock symbolizes a successful male, who can afford to have an ostentatious genetic marker that has no practical advantage outside of mating rituals, a large phallus has been long prized as a marker for virility and good genes.
  10. Turning Off Anxiety – And finally, the reason that may be emerging more and more in our complex modern world, shutting off anxiety. In a world where nothing is guaranteed, when life seems precarious at best and hopeless at worst, a big dick can give a girl a respite for a few minutes, hours, days. She can either drop to her knees and just focus on making it happy, or get on her hands and knees and let it overwhelm her insides until she and her love explode in ecstasy. Sex is natural, sex is fun, and sex can be amazing with a talented big one.

But Fear Not

If you are reading this feeling angry, resentful, or worse yet hopeless, I want to close by saying that for all of the natural advantages a big dick confers, a site like this would not exist if it were all that matters. The entire notion of cuckoldry exists because women are standing up to both have men who prioritize their pleasure in all areas of life while also having men who can deliver the pounding they occasionally crave.

Yes, if you are not well endowed, it’s a natural disadvantage, but think of it more as a challenge. You will have to be creative, committed, and relentless in your pursuit of her happiness, but if you genuinely step up to that challenge, chances are that the woman you love will think of you as a life partner, not just a friend with benefits.

Historical Context For Chastity

Does the modern notion of chastity, caging, and cuckoldry, replace the very ancient concept of the Eunuch? What is a Eunuch, and is a chastity cage simply a modern solution to an age-old challenge?

The dictionary definition of Eunuch is eu·nuch

/ˈyo͞onək/

Learn to pronounce

noun

  1. a man who has been castrated, especially (in the past) one employed to guard the women’s living areas at an imperial court.
  • an ineffectual person.

The Greek translation, eunouchosmeans (1) chamberlain, keeper of the bed-chamber of an eastern ruler, (2) a castrated person, or one who voluntarily abstains from marriage.

Ancient Origins

Ancient human societies deal with the power imbalance of social hierarchies in various ways. Eunuchs played a crucial role in societies as recently as the Ottoman empire. 

The concept of Harems, involved royal male at the top of the social hierarchy having many wives. This was a construct that developed as humans transitioned from hunter-gatherer to agrarian cultures. In nomadic bands, concepts such as ownership and property did not exist. But as humans settled down into geography, power structures, primarily patriarchal, began to develop. 

As those social hierarchies began to take form, the simple math dictated that other men must go without for a single man to have many lovers. Enter the Eunuch. 

The Eunuch in Eastern Empires

Dating back at least 4000yrs, Eunuchs served as court administrators, government officials, and harem minders. These ‘eunuchs’ established role was as “bed chamber attendants” in the imperial palace. Eunuchs were valued as “being good with respect to the mind,” based on their “being deprived of intercourse. The Ancients said Intercourse creates irrational behavior. (sound familiar?)

Eunuchs supposedly did not generally have loyalties to the military, the aristocracy, or a family of their own (having neither offspring nor in-laws, at the very least). Emperors and others viewed Eunuchs as trustworthy. The perception was they would be less interested in establishing a private ‘dynasty.’ Because their condition usually lowered their social status. Eunuchs were easily replaced without repercussion. In cultures that had both harems and eunuchs, eunuchs often served as harem servants.

The old testament has 45 references to Eunuchs. 

And some of your descendants, your own flesh and blood who will be born to you, will be taken away, and they will become eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon.” (Isaiah 39:7)

Chastity and Cuckoldry 

Our modern age is decidedly euro-centric. European culture followed a different path than eastern cultures. Monogamy is primarily a European ideal perpetuated by the roman catholic church. The appeal of a 1 for one monogamous pair bonding was obvious. Think of this social compact as sort of a chicken in every pot promise for a growing religion spreading through the European continent that had primarily been matriarchal and druidic. 

In many ways, it appealed to men on all levels of society that they too could possess a mate. But again, it comes from a patriarchal point of view.

We enter into an era of female empowerment. Women finally gain genuine autonomy over who they choose as partners. They break the bonds of social constructs that treated them as possessions for ages. 

But the recent explosion of chastity and open cuckoldry evokes ancient notions of the bed-chamber attendants. The Bull serves, for one night (or many) as the Emperor, the chastity cage is a non-surgical method of castration. Still, it produces the same reliable, trustworthy and compliant dynamic. 

References:

Acts 8:26–40 Bible Study Summary: Warren Camp | Hearty Boys. https://www.warrencampdesign.com/acts/part1/week15.php

Isaiah 39:7 NKJV – ‘And they shall take away… | Biblia. https://biblia.com/bible/nkjv/isaiah/39/7

10 lessons learned from a cuckoldress


“Expect to have the best sex of your life. Enjoy feeling empowered and revel in your new found confidence and sexual prowess. Meow.”

Venus

I’m such a huge fan of Dan Savage and his column ‘Savage Love’ and I’ve said many times that it’s because of his column that I’m who I am today so when I heard he was going to do a live show in Vancouver last weekend I gathered up my girlfriends for a fun night out.

He was taking questions from the audience and I and was lucky enough to have him answer one of mine “What advice would you give a single cuckoldress looking for a single cuck for a long term relationship?” His answer was totally on point and I realized, hey I already know all of that! It got me thinking…I really have learned a lot over the past 4 years in this lifestyle and if only back then I knew what I know now. Shit.

So here I am reflecting on all of the lessons I’ve learned and I’m sharing them so that other women might be able to learn from my experiences.

  1. A cuckolding relationship between two people who love each other in a committed long term relationship is mind-blowing, incredible, unique, complex and truly addictive. Once you’ve experienced it, it’s impossible to go back to any other kind of relationship. Expect to be hooked. This can be a blessing and a curse because it’s very hard to find.
  2. There are some really great people to meet in this lifestyle and from all over the world. New friends await and they are absolute gems.
  3. As a woman in this lifestyle, expect to have the best sex of your life. Enjoy feeling empowered and revel in your new found confidence and sexual prowess. Meow.
  4. Finding a good bull is not that easy. Finding guys to fuck is fucking whatever – they are everywhere – but finding a guy who you have that sexual chemistry with and who really appreciates and understands the role of a bull….that’s uncommon. Take your time and get recommendations from other women in the lifestyle. Sharing is caring.
  5. Be careful. There are crazy people out there – stalkers galore – so use caution and common sense when dealing with people you don’t know.
  6. Long distance relationships are difficult but probably inevitable if you’re trying to find someone to date. You’re going to have to look in other cities and consider relocating or finding someone to relocate to you. Be honest right in the beginning about what you’re looking for. It will save you from wasting time on the wrong person.
  7. Dating in this lifestyle is fucking brutal for both women and men. Expect to wade through the sea of shit that is online dating including the money hungry gold-digger women and the guys who just want to jerk off and flake out to the idea of you. Be prepared to be lied to – a lot – but try not to get pessimistic about it. Just get smarter about weeding out the idiots. They all seem to give off the same subtle hints when they are full of shit, you just get better at spotting them.
  8. Cuck fear is real and it will fuck things up. The shame/fear that some guys feel will make them flake out no matter how interested they seem or how badly they want this kind of relationship. Some would rather be alone in the cuck closet forever than face their fear and live the life that makes them feel fulfilled and true to themselves. Be prepared to be let down when you least expect it. It happens. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.
  9. There are three types of “single”guys in this lifestyle: married guys pretending to be single, single guys who just use it to consume porn and fantasies for jerk off material but who have no real intention of finding a relationship, and single guys who are genuinely looking for a cuckoldress to share their life with and who care about the lifestyle. Find out which one you’re dealing with.
  10. Don’t give up. Trust me it can be hard and I’ve given up many times but always came back to it because it’s who you are, what makes you happy, and what is meant for you. Take a break if you have to. Even if your heart hurts and you’re tired, lean on your friends and keep going. Beautiful things await. Don’t give up.

P.S. Black guys fuck better. Just saying.

P.P.S. Check out my latest podcast interview with the Casual Swingers Podcast: Cuck you! Exploring the world of cuckolds & hotwives with Cuckoldress Venus

Venus xo

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Women are the key to cuckolding

“I really do believe that the key to women embracing this kind of relationship or at least viewing it as a legitimate option, lies with women talking to each other about it.”

Venus

I recently spent some time in an online cuckold chat room and noticed some interesting things that got me thinking. The first was that I was the only woman on there and the second was a question that kept being brought up by the husbands/boyfriends was “How do I get my wife into this?”.

There was advice and suggestions being given out and the husbands would go through the list of strategies that they would say either hasn’t worked or that they didn’t think would work with their wife, most of which included them talking to her and trying to convince her to try flirting and sleeping with other guys.

Now for those of you who know a little about me you understand that it didn’t take any convincing for me to jump right in as soon as my boyfriend brought it up, so it’s hard for me to wrap my head around why a woman would hesitate when given this opportunity.  I tried hard to imagine what it was like for the wives/girlfriends out there whose husbands/boyfriends repeatedly try to approach the subject with them and it didn’t take long for me to assume that they would likely begin to feel annoyed, skeptical of their motives, or even hurt or offended by it.

The problem I think is that the pressure is coming from the men when really the conversation would be better received if it came from her friend – a woman who she trusts. I really do believe that the key to women embracing this kind of relationship or at least viewing it as a legitimate option, lies with women talking to each other about it.

As for how to connect women who are open minded enough to understand this lifestyle with women whose husbands need help, I don’t know the answer to that. I do believe however that all of the women who love this lifestyle need to start the discussions that need to take place. We need to help each other navigate the learning curve of this beautiful relationship dynamic. Write a blog, participate in chats, connect with women, talk to your open minded friends, whatever – let’s just support each other, because that’s what girlfriends are for.

Venus xo

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