“Expect to have the best sex of your life. Enjoy feeling empowered and revel in your new found confidence and sexual prowess. Meow.”
I’m such a huge fan of Dan Savage and his column ‘Savage Love’ and I’ve said many times that it’s because of his column that I’m who I am today so when I heard he was going to do a live show in Vancouver last weekend I gathered up my girlfriends for a fun night out.
He was taking questions from the audience and I and was lucky enough to have him answer one of mine “What advice would you give a single cuckoldress looking for a single cuck for a long term relationship?” His answer was totally on point and I realized, hey I already know all of that! It got me thinking…I really have learned a lot over the past 4 years in this lifestyle and if only back then I knew what I know now. Shit.
So here I am reflecting on all of the lessons I’ve learned and I’m sharing them so that other women might be able to learn from my experiences.
- A cuckolding relationship between two people who love each other in a committed long term relationship is mind-blowing, incredible, unique, complex and truly addictive. Once you’ve experienced it, it’s impossible to go back to any other kind of relationship. Expect to be hooked. This can be a blessing and a curse because it’s very hard to find.
- There are some really great people to meet in this lifestyle and from all over the world. New friends await and they are absolute gems.
- As a woman in this lifestyle, expect to have the best sex of your life. Enjoy feeling empowered and revel in your new found confidence and sexual prowess. Meow.
- Finding a good bull is not that easy. Finding guys to fuck is fucking whatever – they are everywhere – but finding a guy who you have that sexual chemistry with and who really appreciates and understands the role of a bull….that’s uncommon. Take your time and get recommendations from other women in the lifestyle. Sharing is caring.
- Be careful. There are crazy people out there – stalkers galore – so use caution and common sense when dealing with people you don’t know.
- Long distance relationships are difficult but probably inevitable if you’re trying to find someone to date. You’re going to have to look in other cities and consider relocating or finding someone to relocate to you. Be honest right in the beginning about what you’re looking for. It will save you from wasting time on the wrong person.
- Dating in this lifestyle is fucking brutal for both women and men. Expect to wade through the sea of shit that is online dating including the money hungry gold-digger women and the guys who just want to jerk off and flake out to the idea of you. Be prepared to be lied to – a lot – but try not to get pessimistic about it. Just get smarter about weeding out the idiots. They all seem to give off the same subtle hints when they are full of shit, you just get better at spotting them.
- Cuck fear is real and it will fuck things up. The shame/fear that some guys feel will make them flake out no matter how interested they seem or how badly they want this kind of relationship. Some would rather be alone in the cuck closet forever than face their fear and live the life that makes them feel fulfilled and true to themselves. Be prepared to be let down when you least expect it. It happens. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on.
- There are three types of “single”guys in this lifestyle: married guys pretending to be single, single guys who just use it to consume porn and fantasies for jerk off material but who have no real intention of finding a relationship, and single guys who are genuinely looking for a cuckoldress to share their life with and who care about the lifestyle. Find out which one you’re dealing with.
- Don’t give up. Trust me it can be hard and I’ve given up many times but always came back to it because it’s who you are, what makes you happy, and what is meant for you. Take a break if you have to. Even if your heart hurts and you’re tired, lean on your friends and keep going. Beautiful things await. Don’t give up.
P.S. Black guys fuck better. Just saying.
P.P.S. Check out my latest podcast interview with the Casual Swingers Podcast: Cuck you! Exploring the world of cuckolds & hotwives with Cuckoldress Venus
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“I really do believe that the key to women embracing this kind of relationship or at least viewing it as a legitimate option, lies with women talking to each other about it.”Venus
I recently spent some time in an online cuckold chat room and noticed some interesting things that got me thinking. The first was that I was the only woman on there and the second was a question that kept being brought up by the husbands/boyfriends was “How do I get my wife into this?”.
There was advice and suggestions being given out and the husbands would go through the list of strategies that they would say either hasn’t worked or that they didn’t think would work with their wife, most of which included them talking to her and trying to convince her to try flirting and sleeping with other guys.
Now for those of you who know a little about me you understand that it didn’t take any convincing for me to jump right in as soon as my boyfriend brought it up, so it’s hard for me to wrap my head around why a woman would hesitate when given this opportunity. I tried hard to imagine what it was like for the wives/girlfriends out there whose husbands/boyfriends repeatedly try to approach the subject with them and it didn’t take long for me to assume that they would likely begin to feel annoyed, skeptical of their motives, or even hurt or offended by it.
The problem I think is that the pressure is coming from the men when really the conversation would be better received if it came from her friend – a woman who she trusts. I really do believe that the key to women embracing this kind of relationship or at least viewing it as a legitimate option, lies with women talking to each other about it.
As for how to connect women who are open minded enough to understand this lifestyle with women whose husbands need help, I don’t know the answer to that. I do believe however that all of the women who love this lifestyle need to start the discussions that need to take place. We need to help each other navigate the learning curve of this beautiful relationship dynamic. Write a blog, participate in chats, connect with women, talk to your open minded friends, whatever – let’s just support each other, because that’s what girlfriends are for.
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“Initially it may be hard to believe but trust grows and flourishes in this kind of dynamic but cuckolding actually makes the trust stronger between both of you especially over time.”Venus
Next level love
It can be hard to imagine love on a whole other level but believe me when I say this kind of relationship is intoxicating, magical, and intense far beyond what you could ever cultivate in a vanilla relationship.
2. Female sexual empowerment
Many women say cuckolding has increased their confidence level, sexual prowess, and ability to ask for exactly what they want. They feel more confident with their bodies and their sex appeal.
Initially it may be hard to believe but trust grows and flourishes in this kind of dynamic but cuckolding actually makes the trust stronger between both of you especially over time.
Let’s face it, all vanilla relationships get boring at some point. But with all of the sexual adventures and intimate moments found in this kind of dynamic it’s just not likely to lose the excitement. In fact over time it’s probably going to get even more fun.
5. Your happiness is his happiness
This is pretty much all about you. You are the center of his universe and he will do anything to keep you happy and that makes you love him even more. He has no interest in sex with other women and he just loves focusing entirely on you and your sexual adventures.
“I realized that you could have a solid loving relationship and that sex with others is exactly just that – sex with others.”Venus
First off let me say that I just got some mind blowing black dick and I’m feeling pretty on top of the world right now so I guess it’s making feel inspired to write.
One of the things I have thought a lot about is what exactly makes a woman right for this kind of lifestyle. Like who is this lifestyle best suited for? Besides having an above average sexual appetite and sense of sexual confidence, I feel like a woman needs to be really good at separating sex from love.
What I mean by that is most women automatically attach sex and love in their mind; they feel like the emotions involved with sex translate into the feelings of love for the person. I’ve seen women struggle with this when it comes to trying non-monogamy because eventually things get complicated when someone catches feelings.
For me, I first began to really see the line between sex and love when I was spending time in the swingers community. I realized that you could have a solid loving relationship and that sex with others is exactly just that – sex with others. It allowed me to look deeper into the idea of sex being something separate from love and the more I thought about it that way, the more I gave myself permission to really go for my fantasies and my desires.
It’s allowed me to fully embrace cuckolding relationships knowing that I can have a beautiful loving and trusting relationship with my life partner and also have the most mind blowing sex with other men.
My cuck will have my heart and black men will have my body. I’m not saying that my cuck wouldn’t ever have intimate sexual experiences with me, I’m just saying that no one else would have my heart – just him. He can feel assured that this kind of relationship dynamic is exactly suited to me and that I need and want him just as much as I need and want BBC.
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“Do women become more selfish and cruel and therefore the men become more submissive and eager to please? Sure it depends if it’s actually cuckolding we’re talking about rather than just hotwifing, but I suspect that this is the trend that naturally happens over time.” Venus
Recently I read my very first blog post ‘what the fuck is cuckolding’ which I wrote almost 2 years ago and what stood out for me was where I spoke about humiliation. At that time, while starting out my adventures in cuckolding, I felt interested in the humiliation aspect of cuckolding but only as long as I didn’t feel overtly cruel about it. I also wasn’t interested in male chastity at the time. I basically understood nothing about what its purpose was.
Fast forward two years and I’ve evolved into a cuckoldress who loves dishing out humiliation and is addicted to keyholding. I’ve become more self centered, less patient, and more demanding with what I want. This seemingly effortless transition got me wondering….is this a common natural progression for all cuckoldresses?
Do women become more selfish and cruel and therefore the men become more submissive and eager to please? Sure it depends if it’s actually cuckolding we’re talking about rather than just hotwifing, but I suspect that this is the trend that naturally happens over time. I should mention that I haven’t really done much research at all about cuckolding. I haven’t read any other blogs or talked with other cuckoldresses so I basically have only my own experiences to go by and that leaves me wondering about what it’s like for other women like me.
I think that for women who were born for this kind of relationship, they enjoy the attention, sexual superiority and empowerment that this lifestyle gives them. It gives her permission to set the bar high and insist that he exceed it for her. And for men who are hardwired to be a cuck, the trust and commitment in this kind of relationship allows them to feel safe to submit to her and to want to live their own sex life strictly through hers. It’s a beautiful gift and the key to all of this working is of course love and trust.
So what do you think? Is there any truth in this? I welcome your comments.