How Natural Is Monogamy?

Western society treats monogamous marriage as the default relationship style for humanity. For thousands of years, the fantasy of the prince and princess, nuclear family has proliferated. Shame, humiliation, and social ostracism have been used as weapons of control for those who don’t easily align to the “norm”. The reality is, Monogamy is far less normal or natural for humans than most want you to believe.

History and our biology suggest that the estimated 55% of adults to admit to infidelity are simply the more honest among us. Eurasian patriarchal imperialism has conditioned us to ignore the anthropological and biological evidence even while our bodies and minds are driving us to notice attractive potential mates.

Anthropology Meets Biology

Looking at this from an anthropological point of view, per studies, just 9 percent of mammals are monogamous. Among primates, humanity’s closest relative, just 29 percent are. Before Western imperialism, just 16 percent of indigenous human societies were monogamous. 84 percent of ancient societies included acceptance and normalized non-monogamy.

From a biological standpoint, research suggests that the penis evolved in its shape to act as a “semen displacement device” built to displace other men’s semen. The phenotype only confers an evolutionary advantage in a non-monogamous culture. Simply put, if a woman is only sleeping with one man, then there is no advantage to semen displacement. In fact, quite the opposite. The shape of the penis itself indicates non-monogamy in our species.

An academic team from the State University of New York theorizes that the thrust of the penis during sex may help to clear a woman’s reproductive system of a previous lover’s semen. Not all animals have sex the way humans do, with a thrusting motion in and out. The primary benefits of the thrust come down to increasing pleasure for both partners and, according to research, displacing competitor sperm.

Stamina variations in men, likewise, indicate that monogamy is not our default state. Think about this for a moment. If humans were genuinely monogamous, what is the evolutionary advantage to having sex for 30 minutes before ejaculation? How would it confer an advantage over 2 minutes? Simply put, it would not confer an advantage in a monogamous couple.

But now consider a non-monogamous culture. If the male knows that he is competing with other males, the longer he can thrust with his specialized-shaped penis, the more competing sperm he can displace before depositing his own. This creates an evolutionary advantage.

So then why wouldn’t all men evolve to be marathon men? Well, let’s look at it from a different perspective. In most highly social mammalian cultures that are not monogamous, you have a hierarchy of males from Alpha to Betas and beyond. For the Alpha male, who has no threat to be chased off or attacked while having sex, the advantage is to last as long as possible.

For the betas, however, it’s a totally different story. The best chance at procreating is to get in and get out, depositing his semen as quickly as possible, before being chased off by another competing male. Lasting 30minutes is an evolutionary dead-end for a non-alpha male.

Culture is King

Stepping back from the dry biology and anthropology, let’s look at the sociological side. How did we get from 16% monogamy to a society that stigmatizes anyone who does not practice pair bonding?

The Alpha/Beta dynamics are instructive. Until 6000yrs ago or so, humans were primarily hunter-gatherers. Nomadic in Europe mostly following the roaming herds of animals, with more available local flora and fauna in Asia and Africa. As our societies have evolved from a world of emperors, kings, and dictators, we see that monogamy becomes an attractive feature for culture aligned to a more egalitarian form. Just as the New Deal promised a chicken in every pot, I think societies have evolved to deal with the single male problem by promoting a one woman, one man culture.

As humans evolved from hunter-gatherer societies to agrarian settlements, concepts of ownership and property began to form. We think of property as a fundamental aspect of humanity, but in reality, there was no need for ownership of land or another person prior to humanity settling down in one place. As humans started to work the land and cultivate crops, they needed to protect those efforts and labors by ensuring that no one else came at harvest time and just took the crops.

As this dynamic started to settle in, it was a slippery slope into ownership of property, tools, and eventually people. As humans became more and more specialized in the crops they raised or the type of animals they raised, they needed to create economic systems to trade their surpluses for other staples needed in everyday life. So a person with milk cows trades with a wheat farmer.

Around this time, surpluses became crucial, and labor was the primary constraint to creating surpluses in society. There were two primary mechanisms in a pre-currency world to acquire labor. 1. Family 2. Subjugation and Slavery. Those who preferred option 2 created the modern imperialism that has created the concept of the nation-state. Those who preferred building family needed to ensure that they could reliably count on building a labor force of familial kin. Enter the concept of Monogamy, roughly 6000yrs ago or so….

Size As A Sign

And an argument could be made that penis size is also evidence of variations in patriarchal control of female sexuality. This may be controversial, but consider the lack of evolutionary advantage of a larger penis in a society where women were treated as property. Penis size as a sexual selection trait evaporates in those societies such as Europe and Asia which are highly patriarchal.

In other societies, where women were free to choose their partners, there is evidence that penis size has grown over millions of years to far larger than any other primate species. Sexual selection is a powerfully compounding force in nature, resulting in bright plumage in birds, for example. But it also manifests in many other aspects with a limited functional purpose other than attractiveness to a mate.

If you are monogamous, this is not intended to tell you that you are wrong. But if you have long felt the draw to others and felt shame for not feeling like it was ok to be attracted to others, just know that you are not the weirdo. Society moved in a weird way over time.

As the imperial age has slowly been winding to a close, and humanity becomes more egalitarian and less patriarchal, can we expect to see non-monogamy make a comeback? I would say we are well into that correction already.

Some would say society is breaking down, but a real case can be made that we are swinging back to our more natural state. And for those on the vanguard, take heart that history is on your side.

Yes Size Matters: But Why?

Society has been constructed around the male ego, so it shouldn’t come as any surprise that “size doesn’t matter” is a phrase that women are raised to say. But when you step back a bit from the Eurocentric patriarchal perspective, it looks ridiculous as a statement. Of course, size matters.

Saying size doesn’t matter tends to be an analog for a woman saying, “I value many things when looking for a life partner.” The connotation is true, even if it is factually incorrect. To say size doesn’t matter in sex is akin to saying height doesn’t matter in basketball. Yes, some of the most outstanding players in NBA history were not over 7 feet tall, but generally speaking, if you want to play the game at the highest levels, you will need to be above average height.

The Average male in 2021 is 5’10” tall. Let’s just continue the thought exercise for a moment and look at the best players in NBA history (in no particular order, please don’t argue over this list).

  • Lebron James 6’8″
  • Michael Jordan 6’6″
  • Kareem Abdul Jabaar 7’2″
  • Wilt Chamberlain 7’1″
  • Kobe Bryant 6’6″

So to be the best of the best, it helps to have a size or athleticism advantage; this is not controversial. So why is it controversial to admit that sex, one of our most intense physical activities, has a physical component? Hint: It shouldn’t be taboo to admit.

But Why Does It Matter?

Here is a quick top 10 reasons why bigger dicks confer a fundamental advantage during sexual encounters.

  1. Positional Versatility – We all have our favorite positions, and those may vary depending on the partner and how your bodies fit together. However, there is no arguing that extra length can really open up some more options for positions that are either not mutually satisfying, or simply not possible for smaller men.
  2. Visual Appeal – Men are thought of as the more visual gender, but women are not immune to the site of a good body, good abs and yes, a big dick. There is just a power and sense of awe that someone can get when in the presence of something immense.
  3. Objectivity and Comparison – Perhaps my most controversial statement of this post, but women are the worlds best shoppers, selectors and curators of quality. Women are fully capable of incorporating many subjective factors into their emotional attachments to a men, but they also have egos that are deeply drawn to knowing they can attract the best of the best. For all of the subjective factors in a relationship, certain measureables such as height, income and yes, size can make a woman feel like she’s found a catch.
  4. Going Deep – Ok fellas this one might hurt, but there are places inside her that not all guys can reach. When properly aroused, and when properly timed, touching her in places most men cant reach will elicit a response in her that is visceral. Don’t believe me? Here’s an exercise to try. Next time you are having sex with a woman, try using all but 2″ of your penis during the first 5-10mins of intercourse. Watch her response, look for the subtle signals, is she aching for more? Is she really getting into it? Is she pushing her hips against you? Ok now when she’s into it, thrust everything you have into her, all the way to the hilt. Watch her reaction now. Different? yeah…… Well that’s probably how she is when she get’s 2″ bigger than you.
  5. Stamina Advantages – There is some thinking that a man has only so many nerve endings in his penis and that larger size doesn’t equate to more nerves, but more space in between nerve endings. This can result in a couple of advantages such as increased confidence and control. It’s not that sex is less pleasurable for larger men, but it’s more controllable. In general, there is some correlation between size and stamina.
  6. The Home Stretch – It’s not all about length, good girth can give a woman a feeling of having her labia stretched. Many women report this feeling of being stretched as being as intense as deep penetration. Girth Matters.
  7. The Danger – Remember when I said “When properly aroused, and when properly timed, touching her in places most men cant reach will elicit a response in her that is visceral.”? Well many women know what it’s like to be painfully penetrated when they aren’t ready. They know they are playing a dangerous game with a big one and if angled wrong, or timed wrong the big dick can really HURT! So it makes that moment when she takes the leap of faith to fully receive him, all of him, into her deepest and most vulnerable sanctum, all the more intense. Those high stakes can increase the intensity of the moment, making things feel more heightened than a normal casual fuck session. This is the high wire act.
  8. Societal Rebellion – As stated in the opening, a girl is told from an early age she shouldn’t care about things like penis size. That’s not what good girls care about. Admitting she likes it is an act of punk rock rebellion. A fuck you to the patriarchy. She likes fucking, she likes sex and she likes big dick, get over it!
  9. Sexual Selection – Let’s go back to #3 again. Darwinian theory of evolution states that certain genetic traits are advantageous for procreation and therefore become preferred among the females of the species. There is a certain symbology of the phallus that has existed in artwork dating back to Babylonian eras 6000yrs. Just as the plumage of the male Peacock symbolizes a successful male, who can afford to have an ostentatious genetic marker that has no practical advantage outside of mating rituals, a large phallus has been long prized as a marker for virility and good genes.
  10. Turning Off Anxiety – And finally, the reason that may be emerging more and more in our complex modern world, shutting off anxiety. In a world where nothing is guaranteed, when life seems precarious at best and hopeless at worst, a big dick can give a girl a respite for a few minutes, hours, days. She can either drop to her knees and just focus on making it happy, or get on her hands and knees and let it overwhelm her insides until she and her love explode in ecstasy. Sex is natural, sex is fun, and sex can be amazing with a talented big one.

But Fear Not

If you are reading this feeling angry, resentful, or worse yet hopeless, I want to close by saying that for all of the natural advantages a big dick confers, a site like this would not exist if it were all that matters. The entire notion of cuckoldry exists because women are standing up to both have men who prioritize their pleasure in all areas of life while also having men who can deliver the pounding they occasionally crave.

Yes, if you are not well endowed, it’s a natural disadvantage, but think of it more as a challenge. You will have to be creative, committed, and relentless in your pursuit of her happiness, but if you genuinely step up to that challenge, chances are that the woman you love will think of you as a life partner, not just a friend with benefits.

Understanding Motivations

Often lost in the discussion of fantasies are the motivations. Men usually focus on the who, what, when, where, and how. But don’t overlook the why. When discussing this topic with women, the first question many of them will have is, “why would you want me to do this?” And that is an essential question. 

If you look into the horror stories of cuckolding gone wrong, you can often trace it back to misaligned priorities and motivations to begin. Venus and her guests really hammer home the notion that this lifestyle must be about her, and for a good reason. When the north star is the same for both partners, when it’s solely about her exploration and pleasure, this lifestyle’s complexities become easier to navigate together. 

Presented without judgment are some potentially problematic motivations for a cuckold: 

You are secretly bisexual

There is nothing wrong with bisexuality. The problem word is secret. If you are using cuckolding as a way to safely and without shame explore your bisexual side, with a female partner there to make it “not gay” then expect problems. Right off the bat, this comes off as being about you and not her. 

You want to control

Again, if this is about you wanting to feel power and dominance over two other human beings, you ask for problems. I get the appeal of being a private porn director, but here’s the problem, you are trying to feel like the alpha in the room while bringing a well-hung bull with a massive ego of his own and giving him access to your partner’s body. If he is experienced and talented, you are likely in for a rude awakening about who is in charge. This is one of that those that have true nightmare potential, as seen in the news recently. 

You are fragile

As stated in previous posts, this lifestyle is not for the faint of heart. There are many reasonably safe ways to explore submissiveness, and this one could be perfect, as long as everyone knows it going in. Most partners will be delighted (some thrilled) with exploring the limits of your submissiveness. The only challenge here potentially is if you are submissive and fragile. If the idea of being dominated, teased, and helplessly outperformed appeals to you in private, then you should find a way to slowly test your limits until you are sure you can handle it. Even the most tender and compliant man has an ego, and it’s hard to predict what happens when that ego is crushed. 

You want proof she’s a slut

Look, it’s very sexy to explore a woman’s slutty side. Some partnered women indeed are sluts that just decided to settle down with a nice guy. It’s a pervasive fear for men that they are the guy she settled for, but secretly she wants all the hot men out there. If this is your suspicion about your wife, then talk to her about her past. Advice for how here: https://venuscuckoldress.com/past-as-prologue/  What you shouldn’t do is use this as a trap to prove your paranoia and insecurities to be well-founded. This will never prove anything. I promise because her reasons for agreeing to this almost certainly have less to do with her being an unrepentant slut than her wanting to find creative ways to enhance your relationship. Statistically speaking, if she’s a slut, she’s likely cheated on you already. 

So what are some good reasons? 

You feel the passion fading

This happens, it’s natural and expected. After an initial honeymoon period, most couples reach a point where the essential exploration of each other’s wants and needs hits that 80/20 rule. This is the point where it’s often a great idea to introduce toys, fantasies, and yes, maybe even other people. It is the exact right time to communicate more about your wants and needs and push past the lull in the sex life. 

You reach the limits of your ability to please her

You’ve explored, gotten creative, tried it all, but you sense, and she admits that there is an itch you just can’t quite scratch. You’ve been attempting toys, and they are great, but not the same. Most women have limits they want to be pushed. While sex with you is a lovely, pleasing, and fantastic day to day, there are times when she needs to be taken into a different realm, shattered into a thousand pieces, and have you after that to help put her back together. 

You are both true extroverts

Extroverts are energized by interacting with other people. Monogamy and extroversion can be a challenge for many people. Bringing in other partners can be a way to draw energy and electricity from others. An experienced bull can provide that sexual energy to the room, and two extroverts may revel in that extremely heightened environment. 

She’s an exhibitionist

Maybe she just likes showing off, and wearing a bikini on the beach isn’t quite enough anymore. Maybe she reveled in the looks guys gave her on the beach when younger, but it can’t be beach weather all year long. Perhaps she’s done fashion shows for you alone, your private dancer, but she needs a new prop. She really loves how she looks when in the throws of passion and wants you to see that other side of her from across the room. If this is the case, ask her if she wants you to bring a camera. 

So, in summary, the possibilities are endless on how to execute this lifestyle. Before you do, make sure you and your partner both understand the motivations for why you each want this in your life. When you both understand why, the what, who, when, where, and how will be the easy part. 

Historical Context For Chastity

Does the modern notion of chastity, caging, and cuckoldry, replace the very ancient concept of the Eunuch? What is a Eunuch, and is a chastity cage simply a modern solution to an age-old challenge?

The dictionary definition of Eunuch is eu·nuch

/ˈyo͞onək/

Learn to pronounce

noun

  1. a man who has been castrated, especially (in the past) one employed to guard the women’s living areas at an imperial court.
  • an ineffectual person.

The Greek translation, eunouchosmeans (1) chamberlain, keeper of the bed-chamber of an eastern ruler, (2) a castrated person, or one who voluntarily abstains from marriage.

Ancient Origins

Ancient human societies deal with the power imbalance of social hierarchies in various ways. Eunuchs played a crucial role in societies as recently as the Ottoman empire. 

The concept of Harems, involved royal male at the top of the social hierarchy having many wives. This was a construct that developed as humans transitioned from hunter-gatherer to agrarian cultures. In nomadic bands, concepts such as ownership and property did not exist. But as humans settled down into geography, power structures, primarily patriarchal, began to develop. 

As those social hierarchies began to take form, the simple math dictated that other men must go without for a single man to have many lovers. Enter the Eunuch. 

The Eunuch in Eastern Empires

Dating back at least 4000yrs, Eunuchs served as court administrators, government officials, and harem minders. These ‘eunuchs’ established role was as “bed chamber attendants” in the imperial palace. Eunuchs were valued as “being good with respect to the mind,” based on their “being deprived of intercourse. The Ancients said Intercourse creates irrational behavior. (sound familiar?)

Eunuchs supposedly did not generally have loyalties to the military, the aristocracy, or a family of their own (having neither offspring nor in-laws, at the very least). Emperors and others viewed Eunuchs as trustworthy. The perception was they would be less interested in establishing a private ‘dynasty.’ Because their condition usually lowered their social status. Eunuchs were easily replaced without repercussion. In cultures that had both harems and eunuchs, eunuchs often served as harem servants.

The old testament has 45 references to Eunuchs. 

And some of your descendants, your own flesh and blood who will be born to you, will be taken away, and they will become eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon.” (Isaiah 39:7)

Chastity and Cuckoldry 

Our modern age is decidedly euro-centric. European culture followed a different path than eastern cultures. Monogamy is primarily a European ideal perpetuated by the roman catholic church. The appeal of a 1 for one monogamous pair bonding was obvious. Think of this social compact as sort of a chicken in every pot promise for a growing religion spreading through the European continent that had primarily been matriarchal and druidic. 

In many ways, it appealed to men on all levels of society that they too could possess a mate. But again, it comes from a patriarchal point of view.

We enter into an era of female empowerment. Women finally gain genuine autonomy over who they choose as partners. They break the bonds of social constructs that treated them as possessions for ages. 

But the recent explosion of chastity and open cuckoldry evokes ancient notions of the bed-chamber attendants. The Bull serves, for one night (or many) as the Emperor, the chastity cage is a non-surgical method of castration. Still, it produces the same reliable, trustworthy and compliant dynamic. 

References:

Acts 8:26–40 Bible Study Summary: Warren Camp | Hearty Boys. https://www.warrencampdesign.com/acts/part1/week15.php

Isaiah 39:7 NKJV – ‘And they shall take away… | Biblia. https://biblia.com/bible/nkjv/isaiah/39/7

The Edge of Glory – Extending Your Fun

Too often, our conversations around sex, for women and men, is about “cumming”, how many times and how intense. For many men, masturbation early in life was a sprint to the finish before they get caught.  Edging is a way to extend the fun for all.

Lost in all of the size matters discussions is the concept of stamina. Stamina can mean many things, but in most cases, it means the time a man can sustain an erection before needing a break. Typically that break comes after ejaculation or orgasm. Some men are blessed with the superpower (usually when young) to maintain an erection post-orgasm. Still, for most, the orgasm signals the end of the fun. 

Some men can slow build-up from foreplay to stimulation via sex and maintain a flow for significant periods to allow their partner to experience her pleasure, orgasm, and perhaps multiple orgasms before allowing himself to orgasm himself. 

Why it Matters

Most women love a guy who can play with dynamics of varying intensities. For many, The best sex starts slow to get into the moment and rhythm. When she’s ready, the hard fucking will send her into orgasm.  After her climax, her lover backs off, allowing her to catch her breath on the comedown before starting to build that intensity again. Those rolling waves of passion and dynamism, extended over time, tend to be a woman’s most memorable experiences. 

Other men, no matter how hard they try, can only last a few minutes being directly stimulated before they crash over the edge. Some are the tortoise, and some are the hare. Couples are increasingly solving this challenge with chastity, which is a valid but not the only option.

For the highly motivated but not genetically blessed, some men look to find ways to prolong the duration of pleasure through edging. 

What is Edging? 

For the uninitiated, edging is essentially a method of prolonging sexual pleasure by managing the stimulation, approaching orgasm, then taking the foot off the pedal just before orgasm. Think of the intensity of paddling down a river in a canoe towards a waterfall or set of rapids. The moment of anticipation just before you hit the first drop. The waterfall is the orgasm, its intensity can be indescribable, but the moment just before is special in its own way. Edging is trying to extend that pre-orgasmic state of pleasure where everything is intense but not crashing to a conclusion until you are sure no one in the room has anything left to give. 

Why Edging?

Cuckolding porn is available with a simple mouse click. You can find thousands of videos of varying lengths from 30 seconds to an hour to watch on the internet. But as easy as cuckolding porn is to find, it’s even easier to turn off when you cum. When masturbating alone, a cuck can watch only the most intense clips, cum in 2 mins, and get back to his day. 

Real-world cuckolding is not nearly as disposable. When sharing your partner with another man, the timeline of when it is over is up to him. They will find their groove, build their dynamics, hit their climax, and perhaps slow down, catch their breath and build up again.  You are strapped in another person’s boat, and you don’t get out of the water when you decide to go over the waterfall. You are along for the ride with them. 

So if you are conditioned to race to your orgasm as quickly as possible, you could be in for a long awkward time sitting around with a flaccid dick watching your partner continue to get her brains fucked out. What seemed super hot and sexy before you bust a nut might not seem nearly as interesting after. So prolonging and delaying your orgasm to time it with your partner is super important. 

How to Edge 

There is no magical secret to stamina or edging. Edging requires learning your own body’s signals, what your brain is doing, and truly being present in your body. A major challenge for premature ejaculators is being disconnected from their body, too much in their mind or visual stimulation. If you aren’t blessed with natural stamina and most men aren’t, then a lot of practice is required. 

Step 1: Sensual versus goal-oriented masturbation

Shift the mindset from masturbating for release to a mindset of embracing the sensations. Tell yourself it’s ok if you don’t even orgasm from this session alone; just feel your pleasure. 

Step 2: Remove the shame

Masturbation feels good, just like sex. There is nothing to be ashamed of when you take time to practice self-care. Think of it as going for a massage, or a good hot shower, or a great meal. Embrace your self-pleasure without obsessing about your orgasm. 

Step 3: Track your pleasure

As stated above, pleasure is a wave, build-up, climax, come down. The only way to extend that wave is to track it. Think of your pleasure on a scale. 1 is not thinking about sex at all; 100 is the most intense orgasm of your life. Where on that scale do you normally lose control and orgasm? By paying close attention to your sensations, you will be able to shift the pleasure not just for a longer duration but higher before crashing. Don’t let yourself get close until you absolutely can no longer stand it. Then look at how long you held out. Try to make that duration improve over time. 

Step 4: Forgive yourself – Just as it must be ok to lose when compared to her lovers, it has to be ok to fail when trying to delay orgasm. You are looking for an incremental improvement over a long period. The more you gain control over your own sensations, the better prepared you will be to be present while she’s experiencing pleasure. Your long-term goal should be a release with their final climax so that the entire room is filled with simultaneous orgasmic intensity right at the end.